Dawson is listening to Truly Madly Deeply, and mooning out the window trying to catch a glimpse of Jen changing.
And Joey goes to switch on a movie, which is queued to a scene that seems to get tons of play in Dawson’s bedroom.
Next, ex-bf Billy plays the ladder trick and Grams finds Billy in bed. Grams threatens to call the National Guard.
Billy says he heard Jen was single, so he thought he’d sniff her ass some more. Jen shoots him down. He sneers, and I’m afraid he might cry and then his eyeliner will run, but then he says something bitchy about gas money (BUDDY, you don’t know the half of it—how much was gas back then, like 40 cents a litre?).
Then Billy decides to ask Dawson to go on a roadtrip so they can play ex-wives club.
Next scene, some jock in a jeep tries to pick up Joey as she is walking to school, and since he knows who Ted Bundy is, she decides she oughta hop in. Then he hits on her and she shoots him down. Then he says she’s obviously a virgin, and she’s like, yeah, by choice so there.
Dawson takes Billy to school so he can turn in his math homework, and Pacey decides he too would like to cut class to go to a nightclub. They run into Jen and Joey, and Jen says she doesn’t like when her one ex drags her other ex down. Billy spills that he is taking Saint Dawson to a whore house.
And Jen has already heard a rumour that Joey slept with Warren (the Andrew Keegan look-alike who took her to school 12 seconds ago).
Boats and gulls and a ferry. Pacey and Dawson (it’s short for JACK DAWSON, BITCHES) are standing at the edge of the boat making foreplay, talking about what a saint Dawson is, and that Pacey is the devil.
Joey confronts football guy, who says the rumour is win-win because boinking him would represent her ascent to the major leagues, but she is still pissed. So he screams I NEVER SAID I WOULD BE YOUR BOYFRIEND and the whole room goes …ohhhhh and Joey bolts and Jen chases her. Jen says she never believed the rumour BECAUSE she pictured Joey banging a sensitive guy (like her ex Dawson maybe) instead of football dudes. Jen wants revenge, and Joey says in the absence of a voodoo doll she will try Jen’s payback.
Back on the boat. Pacey says that Dawson is his angel on his shoulder and Billy walks away because this shit is boring.
Pacey keeps talking about how they should not talk and instead just be. Then they want to stop some drunks from bothering a little old lady, so Dawson channels American Graffiti and I don’t know what that is, and don’t feel like Googling.
Abby is back and bugging Joey, who does an excellent job of fake crying. She says yes they DID, and he cried the first time they bumped nasties, and Joey says she is preggo and that Warren told her to go eff herself. And Abby is suddenly all girl power and she storms off to go castrate him.
Dawson is casually hanging out under a vehicle with some big hook thingie. Pacey is sitting in a convertible with Billy looking cool, and then moons the drunks as they disembark, and a chain rips the rear wheels off the asshole truck.
Now they are at a packed nightclub in what only can be the middle of the day. But no, cut to an outdoor shot, and really it is night.
It is still daytime in Capeside, I guess. Mrs. Tringle takes Joey aside so she can talk to her about the teen pregnancy and mention that she thinks Joey should carry around a sack of flour to prepare for the miracle of childrearing.
Someone filled bozo’s locker with baby shoes and crap like that.
At the bar Dawson picks a chick because her shirt says film-something-or-other on the back. He strikes out, but keeps going, and rants about how dumb it is to try to pick up a chick. He tells her all his faults, and I’m distracted because she has the voice of an old woman.
Joey goes to Jen to say she should call the whole thing off, and accuses Jen of using her to take out her rage on the men of the world.
Jen says Joey is just scared because now there is no one to blame for Dawson not loving her: Now it’s not going to be Jen’s fault, it’s just going to be because of Joey’s dog face.
Dawson is talking movies with old-lady-voice (Nina). Billy comes over to be a dick, She suggests they get out of there. And Billy is like “You’re welcome”
Dawson gets nervous because he thinks he is going to get a piece, and she is like hells to the no, I am going home alone. She says, so you can impress your friends you can come watch movies and they will think you did me all night instead, and Dawson is like, sorry, I still want Jen so I’d rather go jerk off. She takes it well. And gets in her car to drive home. Pretty sure drunk driving laws were a thing in the ’90s, but whatever.
Abby tells Jen that Warren was too impotent to get Joey laid, and Jen tells Joey and her eyes go buggy and she smiles.
Bar boy talk: Billy and Dawson fight. Dawson figures out that Billy wanted him to screw that girl so he coud tell Jen. Then Billy strands them in whatever town they are in and Pacey is like thanks a fucking lot for that, Dawson.
Warren and Joey: I hear you can’t get it up, so you had better deny that shit you have been spreading. Warren says he is actually a nice guy, and can they go on a real date please and Joey is like, get fucked.
Dawson and Pacey wait for a bus in the rain.
Joey apologizes to Jen by throwing an icecream antisocial on her porch. Jen asks if they can keep Dawson from coming between us and Joey says, yeah, we can. He is only in love with one of us (SIGH), and Jen is like, bitch please, he loves you, just wants to doink me. And Joey says that picturing Dawson being so male makes her nauseous.
Joey grills Dawson to see if he has an STD now, and he is like, can we talk after I get some sleep? She tucks him in and sits in a chair staring at him… Whispering, “Yeah, I can wait.”
Most Verbal Articulation: Pacey: “Generally speaking, you’re better at verbiage than actual verbs.”