Ugh, why this one? I hate this one. Have always hated it. Like, more than the others.
Tonight the gruesome twosome is watching I know what you did last summer…Or whatever scary movie Buffy is in.
As soon as they turn off the movie the news is on and they are talking about the lady killer. CLEARLY Dawson and the gang have never seen this.
They bicker and then Dawson takes off while Joey talks to herself. The first place she looks for him is under the bed, and he pops out wearing a Jason mask and she craps herself. Then (purely platonic) tickling. Nothing new.
Pacey and Dawson are walking the halls, and Pacey drops the convenient factoid that Dawson’s parents are gone this weekend. Dawson cries about Jen and his life in general, and Pacey thinks a serial killer plus Friday the thirteenth is like such an opportunity. Then some laughing rubber head pops out of Pacey’s locker and Dawson says SUCKER (that was worth the price of admission).
Football Cliff is asking Jen out by dissing her ex. She defends him a little bit, but then agrees. Joey finds a rubber snake and pitches it n Jen’s direction. Jen blames Dawson, and Joey says he’s dead.
Pacey tells Joey she will probably get serial killed. Jen says she feels SORRY FOR THE GUY BECAUSE HE’S JUST LOOKING FOR LOVE. Gawd, we get it, already. Can’t you people give it a rest? She’s a bleeding heart liberal. Maybe she should give the guy a hug and a BJ and see if he stops slitting women’s throats and removing their still beating hearts.
Dawson announces that he is having a séance. Jen spills that she can’t come because she has a date with Cliff and Dawson and her are weird. Pacey almost chokes on a gross bloody rubber finger Dawson put in the guy’s lunch, and Jen is mad that Dawson isn’t trying to fuck with her. Then Joey almost eats the finger too. They all apparently suffer from the same congenital defect that wipes out your sense of different texture.
Film class: Cliff asks Dawson for dating advice. Classy move, brah: Why not take this opportunity to rub your balls in the ex’s face?
Jen gets a note that says “You are going to DIE! TONIGHT!!” She tells Cliff it must just be Dawson threatening her life with a surplus of punctuation. Then she makes a worried face when he is all “Good enough for me. Check ya later, maybe.”
Now Jen is getting a creepy phone call. ANOTHER SCREAM REFERENCE, YO. She keeps calling him Dawson and says not to bother eating her heart because it’s dented. Wah. Next she’s running around wielding a butcher knife while dude on the phone drops hints so she will believe he has been there. Then grams is home and guy on phone gets scared off, and says “SOOON JENNIFER”
Joey is at Dawson’s house for more shrieks and tickles. Pacey picks them up in a wood panelled station wagon. Dawson insults Pacey’s driving, and Pacey can’t turn off the car because, oops, he has hotwired it. So Joey has to sit in the car and they don’t even crack a window for her.
Some random couple is beating each other at the convenience and both calling the other WENCH. Crazy lady comes over and makes friends and offers to buy them booze. oops—scratch that steal them booze.
Some weirdo with round glasses asks Joey for directions. And he stares at her and says her eyes are piercing. He talks about a hotel and asks if she lives nearby. Then Dawson comes over and tells her not to talk to strangers (This is before the other stranger they met at the store hops in the car).
Pacey mispronounces the name of the stolen wine (some people have no class, jeeze). Pacey invites the bride of Jerry Springer to the séance and she agrees in a hurry because her boyfriend is coming to pound on her some more. They drive away as he pounds on the window.
Cliff comes by, and bad news for Cliff’s wang because Grams just loves him and says he’s a total catch (who also goes to church). Cliff announces, surprise, their date is at her ex bfs house.
Gang all watches crazy lady be a hot mess.
She goes to the fridge to get ice…To put in the nice cab that she stole. Sorry, Creek writers, I can put up with a lot of your bullshit, but ice in red wine? You aren’t even trying anymore.
Jen gets mad at Dawson for threatening her life, and he’s like not my style biatch.
They address the plot hole head on: Cliff says to Dawson it’s not weird to hang out with an ex, it’s confident. Then Jen asks Joey if it’s weird and she’s like nah, we all thought it would be more fun if we could figure out a way for you both to get in on this week’s hijinks.
Weird lady says she’s good at channeling the dead. They talk about lady killer and how he likes notes and phone calls. And everyone is like waaait, Jen got a phone call wtf.
Then Cliff tells a dead baby icebreaker.
Then crazy lady tells a story about a killer crazy lady that sounds exactly like her. Then the lights go out. Jen goes to call the electric company and phone is out too. Joey calls him Doofus Dawson (I can’t believe I just had to look up the spelling of that word).
Then Joey accuses Pacey of having mommy issues, and then he disses her for liking Dawson.
Something swingy and sharp looking happens.
Cliff jumps out and scares Jen. Then they find a scary bloody mirror with writing on it in the closet.
Crazy bitch roots around in her purse, and Dawson’s afraid she’s gonna slice him. She tells tasteless jokes and stories, and says love is a really complicated bitch.
She has an “extra-circular sensory thing”, and reassures Dawson he will get back together with his ex (oh snap, she thinks that’s Joey).
Dawson admits he frigged with the power, but someone frigged with his frigging so now he’s got his panties in a bunch.
Dead Joey falls out of a closet and Dawson screams while someone in the scream mask tries to stab him.
Turns out: just a funny by Jen and Joey.
Dawson is like take the shit out of your ears Jen, I did not do all those scary things. It was prolly the lady killer. And Jen is sad she didn’t get pranked. They have a tender moment with music. They just about kiss and Jen is all, oops I did it again. See ya.
Pacey takes a run at crazy girl but she’s distracted by her ex bf breaking in the house and trying to beat the shit out of everyone. And they are in trouble because there is no phone line and it’s the 90s, so no one has a cell phone.
Crazy dude is in the house, and Joey almost kills him and then he is sorry and curly hair is sorry and she loves him and will take him home and she says these kids are weird (but they can come see her at her work for discounted bowling shoes).
Cliff walks Jen home and he says even though the scares were Dawson’s idea, Cliff executed it all, so props to him. Jen tells him not to try to be a Dawson knock off.
Grams walks in on the tonsil hockey and is like enjoy each other’s tongues, see ya!
THEN she says Cliff is “good stock” eew.
Joey and Dawson talk about whether Dawson would be sad if Joey died. And he’s like damn you are stupid. Quit fishing for compliments and she’s like fine don’t be sad if I die and he’s like I have a huge boner for you that would eventually go away if you died and Joey says I feel exactly the same way about you, Dawson.
They decide to chill and watch some tv, and HAHA OMG the lady killer is on the news and it is the guy who was talking to Joey at the store. I have offing goosebumps, I tell you.
MVA, Dawson: I love the adrenaline rush. Besides, horror films provide positive examples of ordinary people overcoming their worst fears and conquering evil.
Runner up, Joey: Save it for film class, Dawson. I mean these movies are unnecessarily violent and exploitive, and completely pointless to society.
Sooo…anyone watch Friends with better lives yet? Will it fill the “Don’t trust the b…” sized-hole in my heart?