Eew. Sausage maker infomercial on TV while Dawson and Joey make out. Subtle. Then Dad’s cabled arm turns off the TV and mom looks pretty shocked over a little bit of tongue, especially considering she is such a hoe bag.
WHAT? NEW CREDITS? I don’t like all of these garish primary colours, and seriously why is Jen’s hair so terrible?
Pacey flunks even his diver test. Yay he is brunette again! But his hair is still fluffy. Also, it is his birthday.
Dad wants to have the talk with Dawson. I LOVE these through-the-fridge shots.
And Mom wants to have the talk with Joey since she doesn’t have any older female rolemodels. They do not want any grandbaby Dawsons.
Mom and Dad hate on each other.
And Grams is, like, loving the single life. Jen just wants to sleep and Grams practically breaks into song.
Pacey is in a shit mood at school. He throws his bike and Dawson wants to talk about himself. Pacey hints that is it is his sweet 16, but Dawson don’t care none. Pacey leaves, with parting words, I think I hear Joey calling you.
Pacey sits with Jen and says he has a bad case of Molly Ringwald’s today. And Jen sorts out that everyone forgot his bday—Pacey feels sorry for himself and says Dawson would always make up for his family not loving him. They both say they are happy for them even though they have turned into selfish pricks. Pacey says he is getting his own story line WHICH I DOUBT.
Abby again being Abby. She is out of gym for the entire semester. She stole some doctor’s letterhead, rather than use Jen’s lame excuse of period cramps.
OMG THE ’90s TWISTY MINISCULE HAIRCLIPHAIR I AM LOSING MY SHIT HERE.
Joey and Dawson make out some more. I don’t know why they are in this pink bed instead of school. I hear a baby, so this must be at Joey’s house. Joey tends the baby while Dawson goes through her things and then decides to read her diary. The music goes intense and his face is MAD, so something bad.
He tosses the book and takes off when she comes out and he says he has done enough reading for one day. Pacey is postering at school, and Dawson is back at school and now I guess it is the next day. Dawson cries because Joey hates his movie. Pacey is pissy and tells him to get over himself.
Andie Mcphee introduces herself to Joey because her bro Jack is looking for a job at the Icehouse, so she puts in a word for him, and Joey says he can come in and ask for her.
Dawson asks Joey what she thought of his movie, and she says it was awesome so he quotes her diary about the movie. She puts it together and says she could sue him for reading her diary.
Mitch is at some weird industrial looking place on the water and has a beer with some guy and a very nice looking dog.
Grams brings back Mrs. Leery’s dish from the casserole she gave her. Skanky wife asks church widow for advice.
Dad is getting advice not to divorce her because it will cost a lot of money and he would only be a weekend dad.
Grams wants her to work on her marriage and mom said she bought all the sex toys she could find but nothing is working. Grams is like you silly hoe, I meant LOVE.
Dad’s friend says go for an open marriage like the one my wife and I have.
Pacey and Andie banter and say heart stripe a lot more times. He calls her a spoiled trust fund casualty from Rhode Island.
Jen shows off her exes to Abby while they bond in her bed. Abby calls the rest of the gang “Forest Gump and company” and she whips out a bottle of champagne she carries around in her purse with her.
Dawson and Joey have a spat at the Icehouse. Jack shows up and Joey forgets all about her earlier conversation and is like who the hell are you? Then gives him a job washing dishes. Then Dawson and Joey sorta break up because Dawson doesn’t know Joey.
Pacey and Andie are hanging out on the pier with a bunch of strangers. She says strangers make her nervous, and he’s like, you are not nervous with me. She’s like: You don’t make me nervous, you make me mad.
People are playing volleyball and hanging out in bathing suits and no one above a size 2 got a flyer, I guess. Or maybe Capeside has a weigh-in requirement.
Pacey is getting shit treatment from everyone even though it is his party.
Jen is fall-down drunk and Abby is hammered too. She dares Jen to make out with him so she does and Dawson says what is wrong with you and she stumbles away and Abby gets mad at him, saying, “Nice going, Romeo.”
Joey is at the Icehouse and Jack is glowering at her while wiping a dish. He asks her if this is her first fight with her boyfriend. And he’s like you haven’t had your first make up either? He tells her to go ahead, I’ll lock up, and Joey’s like I shouldn’t, but I’ve known you for a few hours, so why the heck not.
Back at the party, Super soakers! Then Dawson comes to the party to bitch about Joey. And now it is back to being yesterday, and it is still Pacey’s birthday. Eff this show; it’s disrespect of time is so confusing. Dawson sorts out that he screwed up the bday and the road trip and generally sucks as a human being and Pacey cries more about his family not caring about him and how no one knows him.
Mom tries to seduce Dad, who brushes her off and then suggests they have an open marriage instead of getting divorced.
It is raining on the party and Dawson and, oh look, there is Joey. She smiles and they walk towards each other looking hungry and way too eager. They embrace in the rain and Joey looks naked because she is wearing a backless top.
Cut to sparkly water.
Dawson confesses he forgot Pacey’s bday. He says he pretty much sucks, and we all agree. Self pity… self pity… self pity. Joey won’t let him off the hook for stealing her thoughts but decides she will put him out of his misery and tell him that she was just hot for him so she had to put him down to cope with the unrequited love. BARF. I save the truth for you, Dawson. I’ve always believed in you….I’m your biggest fan.
And they make out.
Abby and Jen are truly barfing while Abby talks about Joey and Dawson banging. Jen wants him back and Abby speaks for all of us when she says “GAWD WHY?” Since they are now besties, Abby declares they will get him back for her.
Andie gives Pacey a bday gift that she had meant for her bro for Xmas, and happened to have in her car. IT IS A MAGIC EIGHT BALL! This show is really killing me with ’90s nostalgia this episode.
Andie throws the eight ball in the drink pretty much immediately. Pacey talks about change, and they discuss his identity. Pacey says we are so deep.
More sparkly water followed by more sucking face.
Dawson sends Joey home so he can go try to mend things with Pacey.
Drunk Jen is one hot mess at home.
Pacey and Dawson clean up as Dawson apologizes for being a douche. Pacey forgives him immediately. They take off in a boat.
Most Verbose Articulation: Dawson: You’re not going to believe it. Mitch and Gail have gone completely off the deep end. You should have heard them today lecturing Joey and me about the finer points of adolescent sexuality. It was momentously awkward.
Runner up, Joey: Though, I don’t owe you any explanation, I do owe you the truth because I have always been honest with you. The truth is…I’ve had these feelings for you for a long time, Dawson. And I get a yearning, I’ve been squelching. I don’t know, somedays it would just make me so mad at me, and us, and I had to take it somewhere and unleash it. It’s my way of coping. It’s where I go to trash life. And so it’s not necessarily the truth, it’s what I’m feeling at that particular day at that particular time. I save the truth for you, Dawson. I’ve always believed in you. I mean, you’re the most extraordinary, talented person that I’ve ever met. I’m your biggest fan.