Pacey and Dawson are finally declaring their love for one another and let’s all pretend we don’t know it is for his movie. In case you were wondering PACEY is the girl.
After reading the unrealistic dialogue. Pacey asks Dawson, How many teenagers do you know that talk like that? I.e. More naval gazing by our esteemed writers. Next, Pacey wants to turn Dawson’s movie into a porn and Dawson is like don’t be so gauche.
Roll credits. (Ever wonder what the random wheat is about? Me neither.)
I am happy to report the geese are landing on the lake and it is still fall. Maybe this is where the geese fly to when they go south. Where is Capeside again?
Anyway, Dawson and Jen are handing out flyers so all of highschool can audition for his film. Jen wants to cast some dark and brooding sewer rat, not the guy with the sex appeal of a bucket who Dawson wants.
Pacey got tested for an STD, I think? I musta missed something. Andie is like don’t think just because you aren’t riddled with STDs doesn’t mean I will bang you, and he’s like a-ok, but then she gets sad and wants to make sure he finds her bangable.
Joey is sketching a naked dude while sitting at a picnic table and Dawson is all: isn’t that weird. And Joey is like I seen a lot of dicks, buddy. Then she tries not to act like she cares Jen has replaced her as producer and masturbatory fantasy.
Abby hates on the sad film Dawson is making and this new bad guy (Chris) wants them both to audition.
Jack shows up carrying around an actual glass of water… he looks at the naked dude then spills his chocolate milk (not water, my bad) all over him.
At movie tryouts: a purple girl auditions and it turns out they’re all purple people who are ugly and stupid and gum-chewing and completely unsuitable for Dawson’s masterpiece.
Jack comes to Joey’s locker to say sorry for the milk again. And she is like imma fail my art class over this and Jack is like I will totally drop trou for you so you can draw my dick. She figures the male form is the male form, so how could this go wrong.
Andie is buying her crazy pills (please, no angry letters…actually eff it, angry letter the shit out of me on this one..at least I would know someone was out there) and Pacey so delicately grabs her script and goes through her bag and finds out whoopsie, she’s on Xanax. She throws mom under the bus (claiming they have the same first name—no idea if this is true) Then they get distracted because it’s the condom aisle. Andie wants to buy them just in case.
Chris the movie star also thinks Dawon’s movie people shoud do it. Dawson is like please, he’s too advanced for sex.
Chris reads and it is way better than any of those others until he gets distracted mouth-raping Abby and she gets mad and all hell breaks loose.
Andie is telling Pacey the combination for her chastity belt, and they talk about sex some more.
Jen calls Dawson out on only writing his own life and for not considering her a main character in his life. Jen fishes for compliments and she wants to talk about sex too and Dawson is like MY MOVIE IS ABOUT ROMANCE NOT SEX. And then I think she implies they shoulda banged.
Joey is set up to paint nakedJack. He tells Joey he can wear a towel if she wants to sketch around “it” for a bit. For some reason he is lying on a bed just like in Titanic instead of sitting like chocolate milk guy.
She freaks out and knocks over the world and he drops his towel and then he’s like, well, you seen it, you might as well draw it.
And then they talk about how her life is so plain that she never thought she would be sitting around drawing dick all night. Life in the fast lane at its fullest.
She makes small talk and asks what scares him and guess what he says
I rename this episode RISKY CONVERSATION (ABOUT S-E-X).
Dawson is hanging out in Jen’s backyard in the dark and Pacey and Andie are having a candlelit dinner and nakedJack is confessing he’s no virgin.
Jen says if he gets desperate she can play his leading lady and Dawson is like maybe you should have and she’s like you think?
Joey and Jack talk about how scary sex is… and you know, I hung out with the nerds (sorry Jenn) and we didn’t have such pussy conversations all the time, so someone please tell me who the hell actually does?
Jen goes on a big speech about reasons why people knock boots and then offers to spread ’em for Dawson.
Jack talks about his first time and Joey isn’t even pretending to paint anymore. He then compares teenage fumblings toward sex to Van Gogh. Oops and Monet and a bunch other super-famous artist peeps.
The phone rings and maybe he has a boner or something? Alls I know is everyone looks like something happened when nothing did.
Pacey has Andie blindfolded at a bed and breakfast just like her fantasy deflowering. He explains to her that he’s not there to get some, but to give her her dream night. She doesn’t listen and continues to freak out. He calms her down and they make out in front of the fire someone so thoughtfully lit for them.
Dawson is on his computer and puts Joey’s pic on his nightstand.
Jack is apologizing to Joey (for his boner?) and now they were getting nekid in the living room? Even though there was a dresser. Whatever. I guess poor people do weird stuff. Jack makes another pass. And Joey is like this is better when you have you clothes on. So they suck some face.
Rather than jerk off, Dawson instead climbs in Jen’s window and then they start to makeout. And he basically says I’m using you, and she is like haven’t you seen the last season? That’s my wheelhouse.
Pacey says he doesn’t want to do Andie because it is not the right thing. He wants to wait until she is ready.
EVERYBODY IS SUCKING FACE
…except Pacey and Andie. They are leaving the B&B holding hands.
The screen legit says “To be continued” uh ya, I know. It’s kinda what happens mid-season during a tv series…
MVA: Abby: I need some time to process here. My electrical synapses are on overload. My brain says one thing but my heart says something else. That I should consider the unequivocal, possibly damaging, highly irrational, hypnotically scarring, proposition of loving you back.