A rare example of an episode not starting in Dawson’s room. Joey and Jack are going outside in the evening acting all shy around each other because last episode Joey saw his doodle while doodling him. Dawson’s leaving Jen’s too and they’re referencing “what just happened.” And here’s Andie and Pacey canoodling in the moonlight. They’re all acting like some huge sexing just happened. But did any of them get it on? Considering the title of this episode, probably, right? BUT WHO!
Cue the credits!
Everyone is watching a crummy old movie in what appears to be English class, which is a change from watching a crummy old movie in Dawson’s room. But it’s his presentation with a COM, so it’s still his doing. Anyhow, he’s doing some foreshadowing bit about plot devices in old murder dramas, where everyone lays their story on the line and the detective gives a big speech about who dunnit.
Now it’s Abby’s turn to show her project, but she’s got the same amount of enthusiasm for schoolwork as usual, so she has nothing prepared. Teacher says do it or fail. Then the bell rings, which is bizarre since only 20 seconds earlier the teacher said they had time for one more presentation.
As the class empties, good ole bad guy Chris sees a note on the floor and picks it up. He reads it, takes it with him and leaves.
In the cafeteria, Joey and Jack are still being awkward, and Pacey and Andie are still being cozy. Dawson sits down with Jen and hands her his script for her to read again. And they heavily infer they had sex.
Abby’s complaining to Chris that she hates the teacher for threatening to fail her, even though that shouldn’t be a surprising outcome when you don’t do big assignments. Chris asks her if she had sex and shows her the note. It’s from someone who thinks that although last night was great, since sex changes things, they should slow it down. And now Abby is curious.
Jack inquires about Joey’s nude drawing of him and she whips it out and he’s like, whoa! Don’t flash my nudity around the school! But he wants the drawing after Joey’s done with it as a keepsake of their special night.
Pacey is now being a little distant with Andie and she’s getting concerned he’s pulling away after their relationship had been taken to the next level.
And Dawson and Jen reaffirm that despite last night being last night, they’re still friends.
Sigh. This is already getting tedious.
Back the the letter, Abby’s bright idea for English class is solving the mystery of the sex letter. She thinks there are only three couples it could probably be, and Andie and Pacey are the most likely, but Joey and Jack, and Jen and Dawson are possibilities as well. She asks Chris to film her sleuthing, and he’s not interested, but changes his mind when Abby says she’ll let him touch her in “bad places.”
It’s raining out and Joey and Dawson are standing at the entrance and he’s asking her about her naked man drawing. Just going to throw out there that I really, really doubt there’d even be any nude assignments given to high school students in Small town America, ’90s or otherwise, but whatever. He wants to see the picture, but Joey changes the subject to his movie.
Dawson says he needs a leading lady that’s just like Joey. And that of course leads her to ask if the movie’s about them, and he’s like, yeah, kinda. She asks whether she should read it to make sure he’s not writing shit about her and he’s all, no way, man! Not about you! Then there’s a break in the rain and he runs off with Joey feeling a little reassured.
Next day Abby is talking to Chris about Dawson’s rewrite with the sexy sex and says it’s a clue about the sexy note mystery about sex. Jen walks up to them and wants to know their availability for the next few weeks and hands them calendars to fill out. Abby uses this as an opportunity for some not-subtle reconnaissance. She’s like, wow, new sex scene, eh? And since this is supposed to be autobiographical, WAS IT YOU?
And Jen’s like, my bedroom, my business. And then Abby’s stoked because she has gotten Jen to admit to some doin’ it. But she thinks it’s inconclusive since Jen’s a hobag and it doesn’t mean she wrote the actual note. So she gets a penmanship sample form Pacey, and tries to get one from Jack under the guise of a petition. And of course she’s blunt with the questions as well. Chris also peppers Dawson with questions about what it’s like the first time since it’s been so long since his. And both Jack and Dawson tell Abby and Chris that they didn’t have any sex.
Now Abby is bugging Andie with the petition and trying to bait her into thinking Pacey blabbed about their night together. She pisses Andie off, and smiles as Andie storms out. Chris gives Joey a copy of Dawson’s script, which she know knows is about her. Joey leaves with it in her bag. But what she doesn’t leave with is her drawing of Naked Jack. Chris now has it and Abby walks in. They get a look at the picture and we get a camera shot of rolling storm clouds in fast forward to pop rock music.
Abby is now at Dawson’s house in his room and he says yet again that he and Jen didn’t have sex. And she’s like, oh, too bad ’cause that would’ve made Joey feel less guilty about doing Jack! Dawson’s like, nuts to this conversation, but Abby hands him the nude pic of Jack – FOLDED! Okay, dick move folding someone’s life drawing, lady. She makes Dawson feel a little more awful and then he boots her out.
At school the next day, Chris and Abby are talking about the mystery. Chris thinks they all had sex, but Abby says the denouement hasn’t happened yet. She’s going to follow Dawson’s instructions and use human nature to put all the pieces together. She gives Chris some envelopes to hand out and he calls her the Nancy Drew from Hell.
At the Book Fair (They’ve been mentioning this even throughout the episode, but it was too boring of a detail to mention until now) Pacey wants to talk to Andie, but she’s mad at him because she thinks he blabbed. Andie then says stuff that sounds like although they had a very personal night, they didn’t have sex and she’s mad at Pacey for saying they did to other people. Which of course he didn’t, and now he’s put off she thinks he did.
Also, this book fair has lit candles. Because that’s safe to have around piles of paper and crowds.
Andie finds an envelope for her in the romance section. Jen’s looking through a really weird collection of travel books for a high school, which includes The Idiot’s Guide to Walt Disney World (What?) and a travel book about… Las Vegas? (Props Department wins again!) She then runs into Joey, who’s read the script and doesn’t like it for how she’s portrayed and the sexy stuff with the Jen character. Jen says Joey should talk to Dawson about it.
Jack finds an envelope for him taped on his locker. Dawson walks up to him and asks where Joey is and hands him the drawing. Jack seems unfazed that his nude portrait has made its way to other people.
Ohoho, and now it was a dark and stormy night at the school and the kids are meeting up as per their secret notes’ instructions. And Abby marches in with Chris in tow, filming away on a camcorder, earning those gropes. There isn’t nearly enough light to see anything on film, but darkness is more dramatic.
Abby reads the letter aloud and Joey immediately wants to leave. Abby’s like, wait, don’t you want to know who wrote it? And Joey stays, just like that, ehr curiousity thus suggesting it wasn’t her. Abby then launches into a monologue and everyone’s like, shut it, who had the sex?
Abby says first she thought it was Dawson and Jen, because she’s been after him and now they’re working late together all the time and he’s on the rebound. But no, he must be saving himself for Joey, and Jen’s too fucked up to sleep with someone she actually cares for.
Then she says it could be Joey and Jack because they’re artists and that’s what artists do. Dawson pipes up and says something about the picture and Joey says it was for art class, and Dawson goes, what about afterwards? Then Joey’s like, what do you care? Um, Joey, again, you dumped him! Good grief. Then she’s like, I read the script so I know about you and Jen, and Dawson’s like, what do you care? Which is a much more reasonable question in his case.
Then they argue about who slept with who and then both announced they had sex. Then Jen’s like, no we didn’t because it wasn’t a good idea and we couldn’t go through with it. And then Jack says they didn’t do it either.
Then Abby reveals the letter was in Pacey’s handwriting and he quietly admits to writing the letter. Andie realizes that’s why he’s been so distant lately. And she’s like, you sleep with me and then don’t want me? She’s hurt and leaves. Jack glares at Pacey and leaves. Pacey says that’s not how it is, and leaves. Chris is still filming everything and I’m wondering why no one’s tackling him for the camera. Before Jen leaves, she cuts Abby down a few notches with remarks about her cruelty and Abby actually looks like she feels bad for once.
The next day, Joey finishes up her project and the teacher calls on Abby, asking if she’s going to apply a little integrity to her education. She’s got her video all ready to go, but has a change of heart and takes an F. Andie’s up and she whispers a thank you to Abby, who looks like she’s never heard the words before.
After school, Jack decides to sit in a dark class room alone and Jen joins him, telling him he’ll get used to playing second string, like she has. They talk about Jen’s feelings for Dawson and she says she’ll wait till he actually wants her back. Then when Jack praises her openness, she encourages him to open up. He’s very hesitant but she presses. Then he whispers he couldn’t get it up. Jen’s like, oh yeah, those things just don’t cooperate. And they laugh.
It’s still raining and Pacey runs into Andie’s car after she gets in. She wants him to get out, but he wants to talk. And he’s like, life is unexpected now, I’m anxious, I’m wondering if we did the right thing, etc. and basically does what no confused post-coital teenage boy does and makes an attempt to communicate his feelings maturely. He’s like, I’m hopelessly in love with you and I’m terrified about it. And teen girls in the ’90s who were pumped and dumped sobbed with validation and pledged their love to the show forever. He’s Just Not That Into You had not been written yet.
Anyway, they are both feeling the same stuff and they make up.
Dawson and Joey are silent at their lockers (Joey’s got some random shit hung up in her’s including photos of people we’ve never seen before. Another score for the props people) and Dawson pipes up about how they both nearly had sex with other people, but didn’t. WHY? (Well, we know why not in Joey’s case. Failure to launch!) And she’s like I know why; same thing that happened to me. Um, which means she thinks Dawson couldn’t get it up? *Snicker*
But no, she doesn’t reveal the truth, she says stuff about how it’s just about needing the right person. She’s always saying noble-sounding shit that’s not actually true. What a pretentious bullshitter.
Dawson wants to know why Joey wanted him to think she’d slept with Jack and she’s like, same reason you wanted me to think you’d slept with Jen. They both admit they’re glad neither one had sex. Then they say they miss each other and Dawson’s all, gimme another chance, even a small bit of one. And Joey says okay, just a tad. So they’re back together? Kind of? They walk off in the rain. Always so much more romantic in theory than practice.
He asks what she thought of his script, because why not open himself up for criticism immediately now that he’s just got Joey back? She’s evasive, he calls her mysterious and that makes her happy.
What goes unanswered this episode: Did Abby make good on her promise to let Chris grope her in exchange for filming services? Why did Jack want that drawing as a momento, when as it turned out he couldn’t get a boner?
Most Verbose Articulation: Abby: “Careful, Jack, some might take that caustic angst as a byproduct of serious sexual repression; speaking of which, have you had sex with Joey?”