Dawson and Pacey are playing darts in Dawson’s bedroom (no, not a euphemism). Actually, Pacey is playing darts and Dawson is waxing poetic in bed. This is to establish that Pacey is good at darts. Remember this, kids, the information will come in handy later.
Oh goodie, they are going on a father-son fishing trip this weekend. As a female, I should really enjoy this episode. Pacey says his dad is kind of a big deal. Then says if he can get a bullseye, the weekend will be awesome. Shockingly he gets a bullseye. Since they hate themselves and fun, they say best 2/3.
Bows and arrows, stars and sunsets hey hey hey hey hey hey hey yeah
We finally get a load of Pacey’s dad and we immediately glimpse the soul of their relationship when he talks in military time (HE MUST BE THE STRICTEST DAD EVR, YO) and says he hopes Dawson will visit Pacey from Hollywood at whatever burger joint Pacey works at. Ouchie papa.
At good ol’ Capeside High, Dawson tells Joey how awesome Jen is. Joey gets pissy that she isn’t queen of all things. Then Jen shows up and mentions she is helping GAIL (that’s Mrs. Leery to mere mortals like Joey Potter) produce a breaking story about how teenage girls like to shop and Joey gets pissier, and then Jen asks if Joey will be on the show and Joey is even pissier and quite frankly my fingers are tired of typing all the things that Joey is pissy about.
Surprise, Dawson, Jack is coming on the fishing trip and this oughta be good.
Jen is there and so is Abby and Andie because thats all the girls that Jen knows.
And what is this anyway? I thought she was on the news? Like the daily news. This ain’t 20/20, bitches
Jack says call me Ishmael… so that happened. Then Dawson bitches at him. Oh, the tension. How will everyone survive this fishing trip without killing each other?
Barbara Walters aka Mrs. Leery asks the gang what the most important issue facing teenage girls. No one answers, and they figure they should do some female bonding and Mom is like: I will let you binge at on candy if you will give me some good dirt for my TV show that they let me work on all day and night when all I am doing is asking a bunch of teens what their take on the world is.
Back on the boat, Pacey’s dad asks him to do stuff and Pacey says that sucks and Dad is like: Duh. Life sucks. It’s my job to teach you that.
The girls are eating and listing to chick rock and Abby talks about Dawson’s room like they haven’t all been there… I guess it is the novelty of going up the stairs instead of through the window.
Jack and Dawson talk about Joey and they both act like they own her and yawn.
Jen and Joey lock Abby in the closet until they find Dawson’s porn (Good Will Humping, for the inquiring minds)
Something goes wrong with Pacey’s fishing pole so his dad screams at him in front of everyone, wearing giant yellow clown pants. Then Dawson comes and yells at Pacey for bringing Jack and then Pacey is like eff off, my dad hates me and that is the ultimate fucking nightmare, so get over it.
The girls are bonding over porn and talking about Dawson masturbating. Then Abby tells Jen she should be a porn star since she is already a slut, and then Mrs. Leery walks in and they are in trouble… then Abby tells her that her son is a pervert.
Jen asks Joey yet again why she hates her and Joey makes her usual face and calls her disingenuous. And she’s like, Jen quit trying to replace me – girlfriend, producer, collaborator, best friend, mother’s pal…what next? A job at the Ice House?
Dads take the boys to a smoky bar to play pool and darts. Dawson wants to know why Pacey is acting like he’s on the rag, and Jack chimes in and says, duh, it’s because his dad loves you and not him, obvs.
Abby keeps answering all the life-as-teenage-girl questions and Mrs. Leery kicks her out after she calls Jen a hoe bag. Then she says mom is trashy and sleeps around and slams the door.
Dawson wants to bond with dad and see what dad’s plans are and asks him if he is okay for money. Dawson is like why are we fishing when you have no job and no woman and Dad is like, sorry I’m a failure, son.
Pacey informs his dad is that he is drunk-dad, so daddy takes a shot to prove he isn’t and then they toss around some sharp objects. Dad starts getting weirdly competitive and makes a crazy face, so Pacey fucks it on purpose. When we know he can get a bullseye because he was playing darts at the beginning and he gets one more bullseye once dad walks away just to remind us
All the girls are now spilling their guts about how they all feel like frauds and all that and Joey makes a sad face instead of the usual cunt face at them and I wonder how this will go to air without these guys getting beat up for saying such wimpy shit. GIRLS GO THROUGH SO MUCH YOU KNOW so let’s sit by a fireplace and talk about our flow and it will all be okay and counterbalance all that fishing and darts.
Jack says I think I am gonna be nauseous (dafuq you talking about) and is like, Dawson, help me please. Dawson wants to know where Jack’s dad is and he’s like he left us.
Pacey’s dad is drunk on the beach. So Pacey has a pretend dialogue with him. And it’s boring as fuck.
And then Pacey cries because he doesn’t love him. And dad looks like a drunk dead gopher.
Next day there is a fish on the line and all the kids are trying to keep it from swimming away.
MUSIC MONTAGE complete with slow motion… on a boat named Reel Action
Mrs. Leery says thanks and Joey says see ya. Mrs. Leery feels sorry for herself because she never had a daughter, but she had Joey, who is her surrogate daughter and she’s proud of her and more sappy stuff and tears and hugging and kissing. Bottom line: Joey doesn’t need to feel threatened.
Abby is still outside, though it is morning, because her mom thought she was staying the night and I guess she never heard of a phone. Abby says she plays a crucial role because she says all the nasty shit everyone was already thinking. Abby is like sorry for being normal. You people have crazy parents and dead parents and shit, but I don’t have anything, so I make things interesting. Then Andie is all: I wish I had what you had, and then Abby is like: But… I wish I had what you had, and then they make out. Okay not actually, Abby makes Mom drive Andie home.
I thought Joey was leaving, but actually she wants to go hang with Jen in Dawson’s room and watch more porn. Joey tries to apologize, and she says she respects Jen and this is supposed to be a huge deal.
Pacey gets a big trophy for reeling in a big fish and dad looks proud of him.
Dawson shakes Jack’s hand. And then Pacey’s dad ruins everything by telling him to enjoy the moment, because he won’t have many more like it.
Dawson is like, I think you are awesome, and so does Andie and though we are not your dad, we care and stuff. He also says Andie is having a perky coronary waiting for Pacey, which is kinda cute, though medically nonsensical (maybe I misheard this? Whatever, I like it this way).
Dawson tells dad thank you for not being Pacey’s and Jack’s dads because I don’t want a dud like they get. Then they hug too.
Most verbose soliloquy = Pacey, sitting next to passed out, drunk gopher dad: So I guess this is as good of time as any to have that father-son talk. *mean dad voice* So, how ya doin’ in school, Pacey? *Pacey voice* Actually, Dad, I’m doing alright. I’m really turning things around. Turns out I’m pretty smart. *mean dad voice* Good man, Pacey. Always knew you’d turn out to be something. How the ladies treating you? *Pacey voice* Well, I met this woman. *dad voice* Is she cute? *Pacey voice* *laughs* Aw, cute, man. Andie’s beautiful. She’s smart. She’s funny. I tell ya, this girl is something special. For whatever reason, she seems to think I’m pretty special, too… Why can’t you see that? Why can’t you see me, huh? When did you give up on me? When I was 5? 10? 12? I’m 16 years old, Dad! *cries* And I’m here and I’m trying so hard for you. It’s your job. It’s your job to love me no matter who I am or what I become because you’re my father! You’re my dad! You’re supposed to love me, you son of a bitch. I can’t do this by myself.