Pacey shows up at Dawson’s house, and Dawson’s acting like he is even more on the rag than usual. Since Pacey isn’t a dick, he knows immediately that it is because they are minutes away from big D’s sweet 16. Dawson is pissed because everyone is evolving and he is still in pull-ups. He’s also all hurt that he got dumped for a gay guy. He decides Joey is the answer, so his bday wish is to get her back… which might work out pretty well since her bf is a homosexual now.
Credits (I never hung out under a dock. I feel like I am missing out.)
Daddy Dawson is in the kitchen cooking Dawson breakie, as per tradition, and Mom walks in and is like, what in the hell, I wasn’t expecting company, and already started blowing the ole rape whistle. Daddy gotsa talk to Mom in private and he decides that he should talk to her about a gift on Dawson’s actual bday (eff planning), and she’s like, bitch, imma give him a car because I can buy his love, and they get all fighty and Dawson’s happy bday face is on the ground.
Joey and Pacey are planning Dawson a surprise party.
Enter Jack. Everyone goes sad and the music gets sad like Dawson’s face. AND Pacey is asking Joey how she’s doing and I feel like their relationship has progressed since they used to call each other ass-face or whatever it was all the time…(What was it again… something great?)
Abby and her brand spanking new posse are here, and they are loving that he is the FIRST guy to come out in Capeside high. ALSO 90S HAIR TO THE MAX.
Then he calls Abby “Satan,” but now she loves him in true beard (or is it fag hag? What are the kids saying these days?) style
Andie is in therapy in a dark room with many distracting lamps. Shrink asks her what she wants for herself and not all the people she takes care of all the damn time. Shrink is like you oughta just do it, and prescribes her one night of imperfection.
Joey is telling her sis that she has given up since she turned Jack off women completely. Sis is like, yawn, get over it. Go paint some shit or something. And then she points out that Joey did break up with Dawson to find herself and immediately got going with Jack. Enter Dawson.
Jen and Ty are wrapping stuff and being all flirty and they must go to the same barber because I can’t tell who owns what hair.
Joey and Dawson are talking about wishes and mentioning that it’s getting damn cold in Capeside because it’s almost winter. Dawson tells Joey he wants to get back together. And that is some hat. And he says they are soulmates. Joey flips and says she needs to figure stuff out. And she kinda ruins his birthday by flat out denying him. Though, I guess he ran that risk, timing it as he did.
Pacey and Dawson are driving Andie around in the back of a cop car. She is pretending to be a siren and Dawson is sulking that he is third wheel on his bday. Andie is being super annoying and screams STOP THE CAR STOP THE CAR so she could go see something really cool back there. Pacey tells her to get it together but she’s like: n’ah, doc said.
Jack shows up at the surprise party and Abby and her bitches are all about him now.
AHA Ty reminds me of a less fun Jim CARREY!!! And he pulls away from another kiss, and Jen is like DAFUQ and he doesn’t want to kiss Jen because Jesus doesn’t like when Ty gets turned on.
At the club some dude is playing the mouth organ and Andie is like coated in glitter.
She explains Freud and Id to the boys. Dawson’s like, that sounds pretty fun, let’s get shit-faced. They trick the waitress into giving them booze by asking her for more booze this time because they could barely taste the rum.
Jack is like WHAT is your obsession with me all the sudden? Abby’s like, we’re both outcasts. He’s like no. She’s like, okay, then maybe we’re both bisexual like everyone else is but is too scared to admit it.
At the bar Pacey is like why in the crap are you two drinking so much Coke? And SURPRISE it is open mic night, so Andie and Dawson get up and act like teenagers and he like rap-battles the crap out of the blues. Oh gawd, they confess every single thing about their lives, and I am mortified even though they maybe kinda nail it?
Aha! And Then Dawson sings about knowing about the surprise party and that part’s kinda funny.
Standing ovation for the drunk tweens. Then the waitress tries to ID them and Andie is like, shit, you should have done that six drinks ago because I’m 16, and goes on a rant. Pacey drags her away.
At the party, Dad is crying to Mom that he doesn’t like the car she bought their son. Damn, it has a bow on it and everything and somehow Jen has decided to bang Ty in it… Ugh the hand on the window thing. Ty is like, quit trying to be a temptress, you whore. And they have a big fight and I don’t know what else he expected.
Jack now wants to talk to Abby about her theory on everyone being bisexual, and they do some actual naval gazing.
Dawson shows up to his party and he can barely stand, and immediately starts dancing on the furniture.
Joey tries to hide him in the bedroom and there Abby and Jack are making out in Dawson’s bed. Dawson makes a great drunk face and Abby thinks he is a scream, and Joey runs away with a serious case of the sads.
Mom knows right away her little pumpkin is hammered and then Dawson makes his wishes that mommy wasn’t a slut and daddy could hold down a job, and that Pacey would screw up his life again so Dawson would feel better, and then he moves on to labelling people: Jen is a skank, and Jack the gay girlfriend stealer, and of course, Joey, who needs to find herself, and he starts looking for her like for realsiies, and he makes this face and then tries to make out with her and Joey pushes him face-first into his bday cake.
Eew. Cut to double puke scene. Haha Andie: Is it my fault or my Id’s fault? ID it my fault?
They are regretful for their bad behaviour and swear off booze for good.
On the porch Dad asks Mom if they have completely screwed up their son. Mom is like, n’ah he’s 16, but I am taking the car back to the dealership (sounds like a red tape nightmare) because he was too bad.
Joey is standing in the dark and Jack comes to talk to her. And she’s just like … ABBY. Jack is like, yah well, she made me feel normal, so that’s why. But I totally am gay. And he confesses that unlike all other teenagers everywhere he just wants to fit in.
Ty was waiting on Jen’s porch to make sure she knows that he is dumping her. She goes on a big speech about how he has urges and has been taught to deny them and whatever. And big speech and stuff and I tuned out, sorry.
Dawson is riding out the spins and Joey is like, I forgive you. Then Dawson says he is so lonely and what’s with dumping me for Jack and Joey is like, I just need to make sure I can be whole without you. He says, well, get it over with fast then because I love you, man. And once he is passed out she says she loves him back. And surprise, it is snowing. This is significant because they were talking about snow earlier, you see.
MVA: HAS TO BE DAWSON’S AND ANDIE’S IMPROVED BLUES:
Dawson: My name is Dawson Leery. I’m feeling kind of weary. Today is my birthday. You all look a little blurry.
The girl I cared for, Left me and ran away, Straight into the arms of, A GUY THAT TURNED OUT TO BE GAY!
I got the blues! Yeah! Today I woke up feeling like I was born to lose! Yeaaah I got the bluuuuueeesss. Somedays you’re born to lose!
(stops singing) Here’s my friend Andie, she’s going to sing you a song because she’s got the blues!!!!
Andie: My name is Andie. And my brother’s the one that’s gay. My other brother died. And my daddy ran away!
But I’m still Andie. And my boyfriend makes me randy His name is Pacey, AND MY MOM’S GONE COMPLETELY CRAZY!
Yeaaaaaaaaaaaah I’ve got the bluesssssssss!
Dawson: Sing it sister!
Andie: Sometimes you swear you were born to loooooosssssssseeeeeeee!
Dawson: Oh, we got the bluesss! Now it’s time to put on my dancing shoes!
Whoooooo! Yeaaaaaaaaahh! Alright!
Oh, I’ve been restless, hopeless and confused, This girl that I told you about, She’s been on the move, She’s at my surrrrprise party where everyone I know is at right now, And when I show up late they’re GONNA HAVE A COW!
Yeaaaaaaaaahhhhhh I got the bluuuuuuuueeeeeeeesssss! I swear sometimes we were born to lose!
Andie: No, brother man, WE got the blues.
Andie & Dawson: We got the bluuueeeessss!
Dawson: Sometimes you’re, you were born to lose! Ohhhhh yeah.