Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 3, Episode 1 –Like a virgin

Fade to bus driving in the dark to rock music. Dawson is fast asleep on some biker’s shoulder. He wakes up and now he is staring at JESSICA WAKEFIELD. She tells him he drools and is a heavy breather. It’s like they’re dating already. He’s watching Risky Business and they start flirting…and seal the deal with a handshake.

does this bus stop at sweet valley high

does this bus stop at sweet valley high

OMG YES NEW CREDITS Jen looks like a headcase and Jack looks pensive and Andie is there and all the kids are groping each other and hanging out on a dock.

new credits

new credits

I'm in the credits now! I have arrived.

I’m in the credits now! I have arrived.

omg me too

omg me too

gang's all here

gang’s all here

I like the music they are using to set the scene in this season. Seems more edgy.

Joey is dressed like a gas station attendant and I think she works at the marina now or something.

Jen’s hair is finally growing out .Too bad about the bad home perm job. She’s eating Eggos with Jack, and Grams is teasing them about being married.

well oiled machine

well oiled machine

Dawson and Pacey trying to sort out what will happen when Dawson and Joey see each other after their big blowout. Dawson hates her now. Pacey says the world has wondered all summer whether they will be on again or off again.

Dawson’s Dad is coaching football now. Yeah, okay.

At the opening assembly, 90s girls ask Jen about her gang bang and she says to them too bad the lipo didn’t take. Joey comes in and Pacey goads Dawson, and Pacey gets shit for talking. He says his name is Che Guevara.

Girls bully each other some more. Jen makes snarky comments, then decides that she will sign up for cheerleading “just to show” those girls. Like I’m buying that excuse.

Since the queen is dead: new bitch in town

Since the queen is dead: new bitch in town

brought my own sidekicks

brought my own sidekicks

Dawson stops dead when he sees Joey and he realized his undying love for her some more and then she gives him the lingering eyes too.

Bess greets Joey and she pumps her for Dawson info and Joey tells her they forgave each other and pulls a bunch of shit out of her ass, and Bess says good because they are meant for each other.

Dawson is at a strip joint where they have bios for the strippers. Forgive my ignorance, but is that like a thing? Pacey orders beer and milk (the latter for our unweaned pal, Dawson). Pacey is excited for Dawson to pop his cherry this year.

Pacey gets root beer and the stripper waitress is none other than Jessica Wakefield from the bus. In a wig, because brunettes with 60s hair are so much sexier than blondes with a pixie cut.

who says blondes have more fun

who says blondes have more fun

Next thing you know it’s the next day(?) and Jess is sitting in Dawson’s living room…maybe he included his home address when he gave her his number? Pacey gives him a pep talk to go bang blondie…bag her in the boat or some shit.

Back at cheerleader tryouts they are bullying this poor girl, and next up is Jen and I’m still not clear on how auditioning is going to damage them. Oh, now I see she is using it so she can make a speech to all the girls at tryouts. Tells them that they don’t want to be like those girls and they are going to be miserable in the future and everyone applauds, even mean girl’s supposed friends.

deep words

deep words

Joey’s boss tries to get a glimpse of the goods.

Dawson and blondie are boating. She wants him to take his shirt off. She spouts some philosophy or something. He asks her why she is hanging out with him, seeing as she is hot and much more interesting than the Capesiders we’ve seen so far. She knows just by looking at him that he is a virgin. They start making out and who is driving the boat? Eve is about to go down on him or something and he crashes the boat into Joey’s new job and sexual harassment guy is like “You know this clown?” and she is like “I thought I did.”

not wearing her lifejacket

not wearing her lifejacket

The little crash up is gonna put Dawson back 3 Gs…which in the 90s coulda bought you like a house or something.

Eve is sitting like her shirt is still on the hanger, and then Eve realizes Dawson is pissed at her for distracting his driving, and she’s pissed and tells him to stop being so cerebral.

Jen is walking down the halls like she is the missing link and everyone is mobbing her, and even the teachers are saying hello to her. Turns out her speech worked and the girls want to make her their new leader.

Joey and Bess are folding laundry and talking more about Dawson and the wild, confident blonde.

Dawson is checking the couch cushions to see if he can find $3000. Eve rings his bell to give him $400 from the stipclub tips. Even the strippers feel bad for Dawson. Dawson won’t take the money and he and Eve argue over whether he should. Pacey is like, don’t take the money, throw a party at your house with teens and strippers to make money. Eve is in, and no way this can go wrong.

Night falls, and they are lined up out the door. Impressive light show at the house.

strobe

strobe

Dawson decides it is an appropriate time to go to sleep now. Joey is sitting in his bedroom, though I would have bet on someone payng for sex, but this is fine too.

She’s all like “I’m prolly the last person you want to see.”

He’s like “No, never.”

She says sorry about her Dad and lashing out at him. He’s mad she never called, and then she asks if he missed her and she totally hurls herself at him and whips off her shirt in a very non-Joey fashion. When she goes to kiss him, he is like “No way. Put your shirt on.” Then they start fighting about Dawson being a virgin, and Joey is like it’s not my fault you are still a virgin, and he’s like I know. I didn’t want to bang you either. He tells her he can’t go through it all again with her.

De-nied

De-nied

Dawson checks out the strip-a-thon downstairs. Oh, look, there’s Jen and Jack. The grand tally is $3162. Then they “open it to the public” whatever that means. Eve wants Dawson to take off with her and trust the rager in Pacey’s capable hands. Dawson tells Pacey that Joey wants him back and now Eve wants him to go play doctor. Age-old dilemma: “Madonna or the Jezebel” (Guess whore wasn’t making it past the censors). He asks Pacey to keep an eye on her for a few days, and we all know how that pans out for him.

Eve wants to take Dawson on another boat ride. This time with her boss’ boat, HOWEVER Dad decides to come home and Dawson starts having a meltdown, and Eve is like, “Oh wellsies. Let’s still go boating.” She poses all sexy for him, and she says “I don’t know who is the bigger mystery, me or you.” (Is there a third option?). Then she boats away.

Joey is crying on her dock and Pacey comes to check on her. Joey is mad because she knows that Dawson blabbed about her attempt. Pacey gives her sage advice and says that they need the time apart anyway. Even though they are right for each other, doesn’t mean they are right for each other right now. He hints that he feels her pain, as he just got the shift from his lady. Then Pacey says they might become friends this year and they have a nice music-filled hug.

bonding

bonding

MVA, Jen: When you see Belinda and her clique in the hallway you’re desperately wishing you were walking with them and thinking that maybe if you were wearing the right shoes sporting the latest hairstyle and using the hottest shade of lip gloss then maybe they would toss a glance in your direction.

Ever wonder why they force their narrow-minded opinions down our throats? lt’s because they have an inkling of what the future has in store for them beyond graduation.

Cut to 25 years from now.

Belinda McGovern wakes up one morning feeling empty.

Maybe it’s because her Dartmouth-educated lawyer-husband Tad has run off to Tijuana with her daughter’s roommate from boarding school.

Or maybe it’s because the twins, Timmy and Tommy call her by her first name and their housekeeper ‘ Mom.

Or maybe it’s Belinda’s daily with her bottle of Prozac.

Her life has become a domestic wasteland.

Avoid this fate.

Don’t let yourself become another cookie-cutter blond size 4, rah-rah, sis-bam-boom, mindless, soulless, spineless wench.

Screw these auditions, screw cheerleading and screw Belinda McGovern.

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