Opening scene, Dawson’s room. He and Pacey are sweating to an old movie and Pacey’s complaining about them no longer having girlfriends. And, man, is he wordy about the topic of film noir. The conversation leads to Dawson not understanding how a man can’t see when a woman is luring him into a trap, and Pacey saying virginal Dawson doesn’t give as much of a shit about sex as most people. Then he leaves to go enjoy air conditioning elsewhere. This is a family who’ll buy a Betamax video recorder but not spring for AC.
Dawson looks out the window and sees a flashlight inside Jen’s dark house and he calls the police to report a possible robbery. But that not being enough, he goes to investigate like a fool. And wouldn’t you know, the B&E was Eve. And she looks mighty pleased to be caught.
In Dawson’s room, he puts a bandaid on Eve’s elbow and she talks baby talk to him. Gross. Film Noir jazz is playing to set the mood. He wants to know what she was doing and she says she’s been getting it on with Jen. He’s not interested in hearing more of this fantasy and Eve is shocked. Well, what’d you expect? She still tries to seduce her way out of his questions, but no dice. He reminds her the police are on the way.
So when sex won’t work, she threatens him with the PSATs, namely the cheating. He didn’t do it, but whatevs. Oh, and she makes a Sweet Valley High reference. Another meta moment for DC.
Anyway, the police are here. Or rather, it’s Pacey’s brother Doug who takes some liberties and marches right in and shines his flashlight in Dawson’s face. Dawson sends him away and upstairs Eve is gone, through the window that gets so much traffic.
Cut to a scene with Jack and Jen, who are lounging on a blanket. It’s nighttime and they’re in town stargazing. Seems that’s something they could have done better at the house away from the street lights, but what do I know?
They start talking boys and Jack wants to know about Henry’s chances with Jen after buying that kiss for $500. She basically says n’ah. She loves her gay BFF because sex will not come between them like it did with Joey and Dawson. Then the sprinklers come on and this is why you stargaze at home.
At the marina the next blisteringly hot day, Joey is scrubbing down a boat and her boss is watching her. He offers her a can of Diet Coke, which she doesn’t really want, at least not from him. Then he pulls off his sweaty T-shirt and tosses it on her. Ew! Yeah, that’ll get you in her pants.
Then he asks her out to the movies. Joey says she’s too young for him. He then sprays her with a hose. What a charmer. She’s pissed and he calls her uptight, which is what all abusive types tell the girls they’re mistreating when it’s not being well received as a romantic overture.
Dawson is trying to figure out who Eve is. I don’t know if this is the same day as this marina scene. It keeps jumping from school during the day time to off hours at the strip club. So who fucking knows. Both the club owner and the secretary know of no Eve Whitman.
At school (Ah) Jack and Henry are talking until they spot Jen, sucking on a huge popsicle and wearing a tight slinky dress.
Jack pressures Henry to ask her out, but he’s too entranced by Jen’s hotness. She approaches and offers them both a lick of her frozen treat, and Henry looks as though she just offered a taste of her vagina instead. He unsteadily declines and who the hell offers to let someone else lick their popsicle? Jen either lacks discretion or she’s intentionally playing with Henry or both (It’s totally both).
Jen leaves and Henry is beating himself up for being mush around her. Jack offers to set them up in a subtle kismet way, Jen’s lack of real interest not being a barrier to his quest to make Henry happy.
In town, Dawson sees Officer Doug again and wants to pick his brain about finding a missing person, under the guise of it being part of a film script he’s writing. Doug advises him to check out the Laundromat because everyone needs to do their laundry. I hope he’s not the best the force has to offer.
But Dawson decides to stake out the local Fluff & Fold. Is this the only Laundromat in town? Capeside never makes sense. Pacey comes along and tells Dawson that Eve is a mystery not meant to be solved. Dawson points out she worked as a stripper, but wasn’t a stripper, she went to the school without going to school, and has disappeared without a trace. But Pacey thinks this is about sex and wants to rent some movies that have boobies in them. Dawson is easily swayed and Pacey laughs at Dawson because he fell for the Laundromat speech Doug apparently likes to give.
As they’re walking, the film noir jazz plays again and they spot Eve buying a popsicle. Pacey says he prefers his dad’s dissertation of how to pin a suspect, and leaps into action, instructing Dawson to watch and learn.
At the marina, Joey’s boss (Has Joey been there all day? Wasn’t there school?) is still being a prick and he says he can’t work and get dirty because he’s going on a date. He says she’s Joey age, but shows more skin. The date comes out of the boat and, oh, it’s Andie! Bad judgement ahoy and they’re going to the movies after meeting that day at the country club (That day? It’s afternoon, and school was in! When was there time to meet at a country club?)
Joey’s showing a variety of negative emotions one might describe as confused/weirded out/irritated/icked. Her boss then has the gall to put some money in her breast pocket and Joey hands it back and says to save it for bail. Andie, who must have seen all this, doesn’t give a shit.
It’s nightfall and Henry is setting up a blanket exactly where Jen and Jack were stargazing earlier. And he’s got instructions for how to impress Jen written on his hand of all places. As he’s rehearsing, Jen creeps up behind him. I’m reminded of a cat playing with a mouse.
She asks if he’s okay and immediately wants to know what’s on his hand. Henry dodges the question and gives Jen compliments about how she’s awesome. She tells him she’s there to meet Jack and Henry says Jack isn’t coming, and he sent Henry instead, and calls it sort of a date. Jen’s like, dates are consensual. And then she leaves.
More film noir music and Pacey and Dawson are still trailing Eve. Stalking, really. May I point out when they first saw her it was this O’clock:
And now it’s this O’clock:
So they’ve been at this awhile. They watch her enter a houseboat, change into a dress and leave. Pacey continues to trail Eve, led by his penis, and Dawson wants to stay and surveil the boat because he’s Dawson.
Did I say surveil? I meant break in, because that’s what he’s doing. She lives like a pig. He discovers a photo and then hears Officer Doug yell “Hands up!” He pockets the picture.
Outside, Dawson is telling Doug the boat belongs to a friend of his. Doug reveals it belongs to an old couple. He then says this friend of Dawson’s might be who they’re looking for; someone stole a speedboat and crashed it (Same episode Eve was a stripper. But didn’t he pay for the damage?) Doug’s closing in on Dawson and then Pacey shows up, and he makes a gay reference to his brother, as he likes to do. And then he keeps it going.
It goes about this well:
Doug orders them off the dock and storms away. Pacey says Eve lost him immediately.
At the theatre, Joey shows up and is looking around. She runs into Andie and warns her about her skeevey boss, Rob. Andie hears about Joey’s sexual harassment issue and says she doesn’t mind being seen as a sex object. Joey reveals more and Andie asks Joey why she’s trying to ruin things for her with the attractive rich son of the important politician.
Then she tells Joey that she’s a loser with men, “unsophisticated”, and other crap. Joey tells her to get a grip and this isn’t about herself. Andie’s like, yuh-huh, you’re just not over Dawson so any male attention freaks you out. I thought you’d be happy for me; I guess I was wrong! Then she leaves with an air of indignation and Joey’s left stunned. Jesus, Andie sucks.
Andie makes her way back to her date and then suddenly Joey shows up, like immediately, with her hands full of concession snacks. Service at the Rialto certainly is speedy. She tells Andie she can psychoanalyze later but she’s not leaving her alone with Mr. Skeevey. No one’s happy except Joey.
In Grams’ kitchen, Jack is apologizing for eating so much and Grams says she’s pleased he’s making Jen so happy. Then Jen bursts in, very unhappy. She accuses Jack of pimping her out. Jack said he was doing his pal a solid, and Jen says Henry grosses her out because he stares at her like a porno, which he kinda does. Jen is pissed and Jack looks remorseful.
And at Dawson’s, cue the jazz, there’s Eve sitting in his window. She wants her photo back, and Dawson says he wants the truth. She acts all coy and shit for awhile until he calls her cold. Then out it comes. The photo is of her mother, who she’s never met. It’s her only clue. Well, it can’t be her only clue if she’s breaking into homes and squatting in house boats in Capeside.
She says she found the picture in the attic (Would anyone really put a photo of their child’s birth mother in the attic?) and found out she was adopted and then later felt a, quote, “estrogen-charged” urge to find her mom. She knows she lived on the water on the eastern seaboard, so she’s been travelling. Shit, that’s an highly unlikely and inefficient goose chase, or it would be if this was not TV.
Dawson believes her, gives the photo back and Eve gives this speech about playing a role with men she meets to keep them away, insert blah-blah-blah here. She leaves on good terms and Dawson is pleased he’s solved the mystery.
Outside, Jack is apologizing to Jen and saying he set her up with Henry for her sake. Meh. Jen tells him he’s the first boy she’s ever been friends with who has no ulterior sexual motive. Then she tells him she thinks he set her up to live vicariously because he’s lonely. Jack’s like, hell yeah, I’m lonely. I’m the only gay person here. Probably not, but poor soul.
And there go the sprinklers again. Shit, sit somewhere else! And they just sit in the spray laughing like this doesn’t happen all the time.
At the marina, Andie shows up and says Rob was a perfect gentlemen. Then he comes along and starts being himself. He asks if Joey closed an hour early the night before, and she did, so he fires her. Andie tries to talk him out of it in a really annoying way, and Joey tells Rob to rot in hell.
At Grams’ house, Dawson lunges in with an AC unit and Grams says, “Beware of heretics bearing air conditioners,” which is no way to thank someone. He lugs the thing through the house and he’s not a very strong guy from the looks of it. It comes down with a thud and he looks over and sees a framed picture of Grams with Eve’s mom. And its her daughter, Jen’s mom.
Eve and Jen are sisters, yo.
Most Verbal Articulation: Pacey, “What we’re watching here is the cinema of cynicism. No self-respecting son of Spielberg would feel comfortable in a morally ambiguous world populated with hard-boiled anti-heroes and duplicitous femme fatales.”