Jen is talking to Pacey in the grocery store. This looks like a fancy grocery store where spaghetti costs 8.99 per handful (It’s GLUTEN FREE ORGANIC OKAY???).
She is looking for … creamed onions? Is that like a thing?
And they are talking like they are together…and I’m confused again. By the way, it’s Thanksgiving.
Now he’s smelling her her and just as I am about to barf Jen starts laughing and wrecks the moment. Atta girl.
Typical american family at the Dawson household. Dad’s watching football and Mom is in the kitchen.
Dawson pointedly asks Mom how the apartment hunt is going. Dad banters with Mom and you just know that Dawson’s little brain is wondering if Mommy and Daddy will get back together. And since this is a show about teenage suffering you can bet your sweet bippy that it will be about more marital strife.
Back at Jen’s house. Grams wants to talk to Jen and Jen tells her she will be good. But then surprise, Grams wasn’t so much worried about that as she was that Jen’s mom is in her room and you can just tell she’s a bitch by her bitch face.
Joey and Bess are cooking. You can tell because Bess is absolutely fucking covered in flour. Even though she is making turkey…in the microwave…
Dawson’s mom and Dawson are talking about whether Jen knows she had a half sister. I must have quit watching this piece of shit show even as a teenager, because I do not remember this plot line whatsoever.
Jen’s out sulking on a dock, and now Grams is telling her to buck up and chew on some turkey. Grams looks like the bride of Frankenstein and makes a face like she smells farts.
Then she gives her a big pep talk.
Pacey runs into Andie and Jack at thanksgiving even though he specifically asked Jen about whether or not his awkward ex would be there. Pacey insists on talking to Andie. She tells him off for being nice after dumping her and so Pacey takes off. Jack tells them to stop acting like babies and get over themselves.
Everyone files in including some random filler people.
Jen runs into her mom again who asks her to zip her up and Jen looks like she will stab her. Jen talks about when she was little and used to love her mom. So mom hands her some family heirloom pearls and Jen says she can’t accept them because they are too fancy for the shithole creek she lives in. And pearls are ruined if you don’t wear them. Jen out.
Jen is in the kitchen chatting with Joey and Dawson and they assume mom has maternal instincts and is here to bring Jen home.
Joey gives a speech where the camera zooms in about how we are all strangers to our parents. And blah blah fucking blah. NO ONE can have a single thought without this bitch playing the dead mom card.
Jen makes this guilty face:
And Joey has the audacity to tell Jen she owes her mom a chance.
Dawson goes out to meet Jen’s mom who is busy drinking wine by the creek. Dawson tells her that he used to bang her little girl, but now they are friends. He busts out the news about Eve. Dawson recommends that mom tell her and mom is like…naaaah. Mom says he is out of line and he keeps talking. And mom storms off.
Joey schools Andie on getting dumped. And Jack schools Pacey on being a nice guy. Andie wants to know if Pacey talks about her, but the answer is no…but not because he doesn’t care, because she’s too important to her. Obvs.
At dinner everyone holds hands and gives thanks for shit. The randoms who keep showing up at the edge of the screen are not permitted to speak.
Joey is thankful for the ghost of her dead mom being with her and Andie will drink to that shit for-suresies. Jen is thankful for second chances. At which point mom takes off and Jen goes after her. Mom tells Jen that she knows she did the right thing to send Jen away to make such good friends.
Dawson gets annoyed at mom and dad for making things so confusing. He says they have to be honest with each other and they give each other oh oh looks.
Jen’s mom continues her speech and, oh yeah she had a kid and gave her up for adoption NBD. Jen is like you should have told me this when I was a teenage whore instead of sending me away. Jen says it is because mom didn’t want dad to find out. Jen is pissed and disses her loveless marriage and calls her every name in the book.
Time for Bess to go bye bye, because baby is crying and that is no fun for anyone.
Dawson tells Joey his parents are officially divorced.
Jen wants to bang Pacey in the garden shed. He recognizes a hate fuck when he sees one, and pulls the plug on that. Jen tells him about her mom also being a slut. Pacey gives her a speech about how liberating it is to realize your parents are human and HOLD THE PHONE IS THAT MS ALANIS MORISSETTE, Queen of the 90s, crooning in the background??
Jen and her mom talk about what a dickbag her dad is and how mom can’t do a thing because in high society women who divorce these guys are lost to the elite crew. And suddenly Jen is all good and like call me maybe.
And the Alanis swells again!
Pacey comes back because he remembered he hates his family so would rather not have dinner with them. Everyone is sitting around a bonfire. And Alanis.
Here’s a little-known piece of trivia for you. Alanis actually wrote the song while watching these schmucks waste their lives on the creek…
See, what did I tell you….
MVA= Jen: No. Big surprise. Guerrilla style. lt seems my mom is a graduate of the Ho Chi Minh school of parenting.