Enter Joey as Dawson re-reviews his movie. He’s gonna show it at some movie thing that is not Sundance. They snark at each other and then have make-up cheer sex with each other. Joey says she has hope that she will actually make it out of Capeside because of their upcoming trip to Cambridge. We get it. You are poor.
And Joey clears up the MVA right out of the gate. Good to have that locked and loaded. Thanks, Joe.
Credits: Did they slow this song down or am I just sped up because I forgot to do this when I was supposed to and am super late and pressed for time?
Okay, the whole gang is visiting college now and Andie is yammering on and is easily ignored. Except she has really weirdly shaped little legs that demand my attention.
They go their separate ways. FORESHADOWING BITCHES
Some girl checks Dawson in and doesn’t give two shits about him until he says he is a Spielberg fan so she has to let him know that he’s shit. Then she calls his movie the Blair witch project, and even though I haven’t seen it I figure she’s right.
Joey comes in to her room to meet her Roomie, and SUPRISE it’s a dude. I’LL BET THEY GOT CONFUSED BECAUSE HER NAME IS JOEY. They figure that out pretty quick. Back in the 90s there was no such thing as other cultures or kids named Apple because they didn’t think to code the gender for confusing names. The guy sharing her room is a total douche and makes her get out of his hair.
Jack’s outside looking at a secret brochure and I bet it’s something about gayness because he does not want Andy to see it. Gawd and he flips it over and its the “pink pages”. I could write for these assholes which doesn’t say much for me or them really.
Andy shows up for her interview in March a few months early and tries to charm her way in to see the Dean. But this woman, I think is the maid from the Jeffersons, and she’s not having it. Not exactly her wheelhouse. Batting her eyelashes and wearing her blonde hair and fancy coat won’t get her to the front of the line. What will she do? It’s time to phone daddy. She slouches off.
Dawson in the screening and they hate his movie. Like barely even bother to mutter “Been there. Seen that.” So much so that Dawson doesn’t even want to own up to the film. Girl from the beginning looks at him sympathetically and it is shitty and awkward. No one has any questions except a couple of lesbos who want Joey’s number. She could do worse.
The secretary girl tries to reassure him, but then bitch slaps him for trying to ride Blair witch coat tails. She too says Joey is the most interesting part of the movie. He’s his asshole self and she stalks off after a rather loud slap on the chest…
Jack is about to get on a bus and the driver says “Are we in or out” and that’s what we call a big time pun folks, because it isn’t just any bus it is a bus load of homos. Where’s the lesbo version of Rosa Parks when you need her, ’cause this is some for serious segregation shit if I ever saw it.
Dawson runs into Joey and they debate whether he has what it takes. Bottom line: SHE BELIEVES IN HIM!
Andy broke in to the Dean’s office and offers the secretary food as a bribe to let her stay. Instead of calling the cops she sits down and councils Andy. About the meaning of life
Joey is in Freshman English and surprise, douchebag dude is going to teach the class. He asks Joey what her favourite book is (Spoiler alert: Little Women). He makes fun of her for liking a kid’s book. Ad so does the whole class. The girls call it anti-feminist. They call Alcott a minor writer. And tell Joe that you can’t call a book great just because you identify with the impoverished heroine. She tears a strip off him for being bitter (the writers are experimenting with irony).
Back in film class everyone is blown away by the film, and oopsie! It is by the check-in girl. Dawson comes by to be an ass and she decides to start over. But Dawson can’t stop hating on her for being better than him and takes off.
Andie is STILL bonding with the secretary and telling her about her mental mom. Like a lot of details. Like how she was sitting in the creek with wet hair like a schizo. Then secretary woman tells her to wear sensible shoes and to give herself a break.
Back to Joey and Douche-boy. They are in a rare book library. He shows her Alcott’s own copy of Little Women to make up for publicly shaming her. They they read it…like actually take turns with the lines on a dialogue. Apparently Little Women is quite the panty-dropper. Surprise Joey slips her dead mom in to conversation. Very out of character.
Jack is at some gay club. Maybe it is night where he is. A guy comes and hits on him and we can be sure he’s a homo because he has an earring. Jack takes off.
Film awards are being handed out and Dawson’s nemesis doesn’t get it and everyone is surprised, especially her. She storms out. Now Dawson can stomach talking to her and gives her a big speech on how awesome she is, since they have known each other for like at least a few hours.
Time to go home. Some less obviously gay dude wants to sit with Jack and no way, he’s going to Capeside too.
And surprise! Film girl is on the same train as Dawson. AND WHAT THE FUCKING HELL NOW SHE IS FROM CAPESIDE TOO. WHY IS EVERYONE ON THIS VEHICLE SUDDENLY FROM CAPESIDE? IT HAS OTHER STOPS.
Other Capeside dude is just oozing cool when he mentions that his ex is a boy. LUCKY JACK. He knew Jack was a homo right away. Calls him a babe in the woods. And a n00b. Did not know this was a thing back then. Or is this back from when words were just normal words.
Joey and the douche bonded over Ulysses. Now they are tight and he is walking her to the train. He says smart stuff about a manifold donut and basically tells her she needs some perspective. He asks if he can phone her and the nicest thing she can pull from her black and bitter fucking soul is that it wouldn’t suck.
Joey and Dawson are in bed talking about college. And it’s boring and unrealistic. Joey leaves in a way that is meaningful like she is leaving Dawson behind. The end.
MVA, the ray of sunshine herself: Or it could be the weekend when our hopes and dreams crash around us forcing us to withdraw from society and spend the rest of our days as these cynical embittered shadows of our former selves.