Dawson and Jack are in a greenroom gossiping about his kiss with ole lady Grethchen.
Gretch shows up to “help clean up” even though the mess is long dealt with…which is generally when I make a point of offering to help. They exchange awkward hellos and wish each other a pointed happy holidays. Oh goodie. Tell me this is the Dawson’s Creek Christmas special. This show isn’t nearly syrupy enough. Stick a giant red hat on it.
Joey says sarcastic stuff at warp speed to Pacey outside. She says she’s not worried about Dawtchen(?) Gretchson(?) so we can be sure she is.
Jen and Jack are at some gay thing. Apparently Capeside has enough gays to fill a bar. Jen wore a bandana so she will fit in with the les-folk.
Dawson is talking to Brooks. The talk about movies or something.
The gays scold Jack for not staging a sit-in when he got fired as a soccer coach for being gay. He gets his panties in a bunch. For a support group these people are sure are fucking hostile.
Joey says angry sarcastic stuff to Pacey in the kitchen and then kicks him out because he didn’t put a toddler to bed. I think the toddler might be her sister’s kid? Then some people want to stay at the B&B. Life sucks.
Gretch and Pacey gossip about the kiss with Dawson.
Joey is cramming for the test that she never studied for because she was too busy not sulking over Dawson kissing the geriatric.
Jen is in the hall trying to force Jack to love the bitchy gay group.
Dawson and old man Brooks talk about films and love triangles. Oh, apparently the film is about the old guy.
Joey says angry sarcastic stuff to Pacey in the kitchen because she’s miserable that she “got a bad grade on a test”. She cries about being so put upon. Gentle piano swells in the background as Pacey tries to talk about Dawson’s adventures in sucking face. She screams about I don’t know…Pacey being better than Dawson? Then storms off.
Next Joey is sarcastic and angry in the sitting room. Pacey, for some reason, continues to take this abuse and Joey pours her heart out.
More gay bitchiness. This time at a bowling alley.
More filming the old guy having opinions on things old people have opinions on. Then he tells Dawson he doesn’t give a tinker’s damn about his opinion, and insists on having some bourbon. Then he croaks right there in his chair. Too bad Dawson tuned the camera off already.
Oh, my bad. He just fell asleep.
JEN SAYS “BOWLING IS WHACK.” MVA right there for you.
Jack and other gay guy fight over who acts too gay (other gay guy) and who doesn’t act gay enough (Jack).
Joey whines to Dawson about how hard her life is. Dawson says next time let the man-boy you are dating help you, and gives her her Christmas present. SPOILER it is a nice photo of her and Pacey being in love. Then she wants to talk about THE KISS.
Pacey talks to Joey’s teacher to try to get her a re-write (the answer is no).
New gay guy talks to Jack about the gay experience.
Joey’s teacher talks to her about her shitty test score, and teach goes on some big metaphor about relying on other people.
Old guy’s nurse gives Dawson a hard time for tiring out the old guy. Then Dawson forces the old guy to beg him to keep doing the film. Then he talks a bunch.
Joey is being nice to Pacey, so obviously he gets suspicious. Then they suck some face and then study by the fireplace (being poor is super hard).
Dawson stalks Gretch and asks if she likes gambling and then confesses his undying love. Then they stare at a giant Christmas tree. The end.