Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 5, Episode 12 – Sleeping Arrangements

It’s Jenn. I’ve got a tenuous grip on some episodes. We’ll see how this goes.

Pacey’s on his boat and some blonde I can’t remember approaches him. Thankfully, Pacey says her full name so the audience doesn’t have to think too hard. This is Melanie. She’s all impressed he’s got a job. She says it shatters her understanding of the natural order of the universe. He must find her super hot, ’cause that’s a mad burn and he’s still smiling.

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You may know me from such TV shows as How I Met Your Mother, Once Upon a Time or my episode of Touched By an Angel.

So Melanie has come to tell him that boat he’s living on got sold, and dude who owned it has bought a bigger boat and wants Pacey to sail around the Greek islands with him. Which is much more specific than “Paradise” which is where they went last time. Also it seems this business arrangement might be better organized through a direct phone call, but what do I know about the doings of eccentric millionaires?

Pacey doesn’t seem mega jazzed about this offer and Melanie heads out.

And just so you know, this episode is playing with the Jann Arden theme. I’m pretty disappointed.

At Grams’ house, Jen is getting ready and Dawson is trying to make plans with her, unsuccessfully, while learning that Jen actually wears a lot of makeup, which he never noticed before. Also, he learns that Jen thought his toothbrush was “old” and used it to separate her eyelashes. Yes. She thought the toothbrush that belongs to her boyfriend who recently moved in was “old” and used this “old” and therefore germy-ass brush on her eyes. That’s gross, and a stye waiting to happen.

He then wants to use hers and she’s like, ew, no, that’s my toothbrush. Dawson points out they’ve been sleeping together for three weeks, but no dice, even if she did just ruin his toothbrush. He then pokes through a drawer looking for dental supplies and Jen wigs out, all no, that’s my drawer. I have a child who’s turning 3 tomorrow and I don’t mind saying I’m drawing some behavioural parallels here. Dawson leaves the bathroom looking way less annoyed than I’d be.

Joey’s in a class and the prof wants to talk to her. Some moody-looking blonde guy seems a little fixated. And turns out prof wants to introduce blondie, Elliott, to Joey. Why? No reason. Just to point out that Elliott was checking her out. Inappropriate, much? Boundaries, buddy.

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I need an adult.

Elliott tries to make chit chat and points out they’ve met, and joey gives her classic brush off and leaves. Dude, figuring he’s got nothing to lose at this point, chases after her and offers to walk and get coffee, but no dice. Joey’s Joey and there’s no point.

At the radio station, Jen’s attempting to sound cool on the air and blows it. So she takes a request which winds up being some chick who doesn’t understand how music radio shows work and wants Jen’s advice on her love life for some reason. Who is screening these calls?

The caller says he boyfriend ejaculates too early. Seriously, someone called into a rock radio station and asked this on the air. Who wrote this shit? Jen decides to offer her expertise, though we don’t get to hear what her answer is.

Now Dawson is helping Jack move into the frat house. The room he’s getting is huge and has its own bathroom. He wants to know how he got so lucky and the guy who’s giving the room up says it’s a lottery, luck of the draw thing. Probably that’s not at all accurate.

Buddy’s new roommate helps him move stuff into their new shared room and Jack’s wondering why those two guys are sharing while he gets the big room all to himself.

Audrey’s at work at the restaurant and is applying lipstick while viewing herself in a spoon. Any time anyone has worked in food service on this show, they have completely fucked it up.

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Wait tables? What is this devilry?

And somehow she’s not fired immediately, even after she tells the chef the salmon is gross, says “sucks to be you” and calls him old. Chef Ramsay would have eaten her by now.

The Chef then wants to promote(?) Pacey to breadmaker because their old breadmaker is back in jail(?) and tells him he doesn’t know what he’d do without him, making Pacey’s decision over whether to sail the Greek islands that much harder.

Audrey then comes back to shoot the shit with Pacey rather than work the crowded restaurant. He’s not interested in chit chat.

At Grams’ house, Grams playing Jack’s video game that he left behind, which tickles me to death and brings back fond memories of my mom stealing my Gameboy and draining the batteries to play Dr. Mario when I was a teenager.

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The devil made me do it.

She puts the game down to talk to Dawson about his registration to some film group and he says he didn’t fit in with them. He then tells Grams he knows it must be weird seeing him dating Jen. Grams says she’s come a long way thanks to Jen’s help, and for example she can now say the word “penis.” Might I remind everyone that Grams used to be a nurse? What did she call the penis when she was on the job?

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“Hey Homer, I can see your doodle!”

Dawson says he’ll live by whatever ground rules Grams wants to set, but she says they both know no one can make an honest woman out of Jen, so just be nice to her. Dawson remembers Jen’s on the radio now so he turns on the station and looks like Jen’s music program has become the love advice show. And she gives shitty advice.

So this girl wants to know why her boyfriend of three months is pulling away. Jen says it’s because the honeymoon period is over and men leave, and frequent sex can delay it for awhile, but not indefinitely. You should see Grams’ face for that one.

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Oh hell no.

Jen also advises keeping things to yourself and calls men disasters. I think she’s going to get canned from her job. But then again, this is Dawson’s Creek where up is down, so maybe she’ll get her own show.

Dawson seems perturbed and Grams tries to play it down so as not to lose the only nice boyfriend she’s ever seen her granddaughter date.

Joey’s in the book store and that pretentious professor is there, admitting he’s assigned reading material from his own book and talking about boys flirting with her. This guy is a creep, and Joey loves it because she’s fucking Joey.

Prof humblebrags about how he wrote the book when he was 20 and calls the themes incestuous.

At the restaurant, Pacey’s hanging out in the dining room, all unprofessional-like and Audrey wants to know what’s bothering him. He reveals his job offer. She tells him to stay or go, whatever, and is of no real help.

Back at the frat house, Jack wants to know why buddy gave up his room. Turns out the freshman he was supposed to share with got uncomfortable with sharing the room with a gay guy, left it too late to say anything and now is boarding with buddy, who’s a senior. Jack’s hurt, but I’m thinking the guys all still like him and, hey, sweet-ass big room all to himself. It’s not like he got a bum deal.

Back at the restaurant, Pacey is talking to Chef and trying to quit and Chef’s like, hey, you’re not trying to quit, are you? This always happens on TV. Pacey quits, giving three days notice, and dude takes it pretty well considering he’s only just recently lost another employee due to criminal charges. Chef looks a little like Paul Rudd. But it’s not Paul Rudd. I wish it was.

Audrey saunters into the kitchen to count tips she probably doesn’t deserve and thinks Pacey’s feeling bummed that his boss let him go so easily, and points out he has a life in town now. You’d think she’d have offered this viewpoint prior to him quitting if that’s what she thought.

Audrey then starts flirting with him only to turn around and call him boring. Audrey is such a pain in the ass. No redeeming features. Thinking on it, I think she’s why I quit watching back in the day.

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You want me so bad, and you’re boring as shit.

Audrey reverse throws herself at him, claiming out of nowhere he’d sleep with her, and he calls her bawdy. She says he makes her feel like Bette Midler and I’m cringing from the shitty dialogue.

Melanie shows up, Audrey parts with some awful attempts at wit and Pacey’s out the door too, despite the fact he didn’t seem to have finished cleaning the kitchen. But fuck it, right? He quit!

Jen walks up to the house, and Dawson is waiting outside for her, which is weird when he could have just waited inside sitting on something comfortable. She surmises he heard the broadcast. OH and who called it? Up is down and night is day because Jen got her own radio show to dispense her shitty cynical advice that’ll ruin young relationships all over Boston.

She now wants to know what Dawson has to say, and seems worked up for bad news. But he just wants to go out. She bristles and is all, well, I already told you I’m busy! This chick thinks men leave and doesn’t consider it’s because she pushes them away. It’s maddening. Joey does the same stupid shit. Kevin Williamson is a bitter old tit.

Dawson tells her he’s going to the movies and then he will come home, and she’s free to join him, or she’s free to keep testing him, but he’s a steady guy who doesn’t cheat or leave. Honestly, I’d leave her, though. This shit she pulls got old seasons ago and ain’t nobody got time for that.

At the frat house, Jack confronts the guy who didn’t want to room with him. He calls him out and the guy’s like, I didn’t want people to think I was gay. They get nothing accomplished and Jack leaves the room.

Audrey arrives back at her dorm, complains loudly about waitressing, kicks her shoe off, which hits things on a dresser. Then she crawls into Joey’s bed, despite Joey not really wanting her there. Joey tells her about how she got asked out and said no. Turns out she thought Audrey slept with the guy, but nope, so she turned down handsome brooding Elliott for no good reason.

Pacey takes Melanie back to the boat and they reminisce over their last boating escapade. I’m gonna level with you all. This scene is boring as shit and I’m sort of glazing over it. They make out.

In the morning they’re getting dressed and Melanie’s giving herself the bum’s rush. Personal pet peeve: Her hair and makeup still look perfect. Fall asleep with that much eye shadow on and you’re going to look like a vagrant in the morning, just saying.

At Grams’ house, Jen has replaced Dawson’s toothbrush but has some requests about how he can be less gross to live with. She offers a convoluted BS reason for wearing makeup too: because when she was a little girl she learned to hide herself and cover up for protection. Oh fuck off, you wear it because it makes you feel pretty and maybe not wearing it make you feel not pretty and you want to leave the house looking pretty, like we all do. Not everything has a deep dark reason. 

Joey goes to Elliott’s room and rather than saying, “Hey, so I didn’t want to go to coffee because I thought you slept with my roommate and I figured it’d be too weird,” she launches into this overly verbose web of complete nonsense and mystery without touching on anything of actual importance. He then says, “I didn’t sleep with your roommate.” Him, I like him. Cutting through the bullshit.

She asks him to coffee and he fakes rejecting her before agreeing. She gives him this shitty smile. Seriously, it’s awful.

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What the fuck is this?

At the frat house, Jack drops his keys in front of the senior guy, all dramatic like, and says he shouldn’t live there. He then leaves without any of his stuff, so is he really leaving? The freshman, I think his name’s Eric, chases after him and offers to be his roommate. Jack says he needs to think about it.

At the boat, Pacey is packing and Audrey shows up wearing an ugly hat and wants him to come outside. Oh look, it’s Joey, Jack, Jen and Dawson there to say goodbye. And that’s odd in its own way because this group has been sort of growing apart. They present him with something that looks boat-ish and turns out he’s not going anywhere after all.

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Not a good year for hat fashion.

So, he’s quit his job and has nowhere to live. Sounds like a plan!

The end.

So, just for the record, getting this episode to play was a real pain in the ass and I’m not sure how frequently I can keep this up. Effing Netflix and their fickle catalogue. So! Keep harassing us in the comments to do more and I’ll make it more of a priority, despite the pain-in-the-assery, and maybe even Jen (who lost patience with this show a long time ago) will come back to complain about it once again. Plus there’s still Jensen to come. 

THEY PULLED DAWSON’S CREEK (Damn you, Netflix)

obvious

Jenn: So… our one and only way to review this show is gone:

http://www.bustle.com/articles/113321-10-things-i-noticed-when-re-watching-dawsons-creek-pilot-as-an-adult

Like WTF…

We were so close! 1.5 seasons to go! It was a two-year commitment! I feel robbed.

Jen: We were within a dozen episodes of C.J…

Not like this Netflix… Not like this. Why now?

Netflix may keep us apart... But I'll never stop loving you

Netflix may keep us apart…
But I’ll never stop loving you

Anyway, here is a link that I was going to share when I thought we still had a blog: http://www.buzzfeed.com/alannabennett/he-leased-her-a-wall#.eqQXLz0oAL

Jenn: Omg… The Pacey/Joey plot line. And last we saw, he had buggered off to “paradise” on the boat, dropped Joey flat and then somehow within months they became pals with no romantic resentments. And that’s where we end. IT’S NOT RIGHT! (And like so much else, it doesn’t make sense!)

Where and how do we get our Dawson’s Creek now? I mean, without actually having to buy it? (Because let’s be serious, we’re not doing that).

So we’re, like, on hiatus.

Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 5, Episode 11 – Something Wild

Joey is back at Bess’ house languishing during break. Bess tries to force Joey to go out, and at this exact moment Pacey shows up and offers to drive her back to Boston. Joey grabs her purse and takes off. Apparently she packed nothing for Spring(?) break.

Jen and Dawson drive past Joey and Pacey as they exchange shifts in Capeside. He’s driving her to his house, and this is a first for both of them. Jen is trying to get Dawson to enrol in community college.

Joey talks to Pacey about Dawson ending up with Jen and he tells her to get over it already, making me unsure of how much time we are supposed to think has gone by. Then they talk about her working as a waitress and her grades.

Dawson parks in the middle of his lawn as usual (Where are the bylaws officers in Capeside?)

parking lawn

parking lawn

Mama Dawson is all cool with the Jawson, even though her son’s shirt is on inside out.

Audrey is unexpectedly still on campus. And she needs a job…which Pacey has already mentioned. Convenient. Danny hires her without a glance at her resume because she can put Pacey in his place (surely the cut-out top didn’t hurt either).

peekaboo

peekaboo

The teens offer mama Dawson some sage and unsolicited parenting advice, and then Dawson takes the phone from her when she is discussing a problem at the restaurant because she is incapable of adulting.

Back at school, Joey checks her grades. And is shocked by a series of As. Apparently in the U.S. they don’t update you on your progress throughout the term, because she had no clue. I am also struck by the archaic notion of finding your grades posted on a wall instead of a website. She runs into her Eng lit prof who has the last of her As for her. So she hugs him. Forever.

super appropriate

super appropriate

Pacey gets a promotion to chef, and a 20% raise. AND an envelope full of “c-notes” as a holiday bonus.

Audrey and Joey are out partying. They are scamming on a guy in the band who turns out to be CHARLIE the cheating dandelion. Pacey shows up also. And while they say hello somehow Audrey negotiates her way on stage to sing with the band.

Jen and Mama Dawson install a baby gate, and mama isn’t happy about Jen being all up on his lap. But they unite over wanting Dawson to make something of himself.

Charlie tries to pick up Joey and he sells her a bunch of lines. She flirts back through clenched teeth pretending she doesn’t know who he is. Then dropping the JEN bomb.

flirting

flirting

Jawson bicker on the porch because he doesn’t think someone in her position can give him any advice on his relationship with mama.

Charlie tries to pick up Joey some more by psychoanalyzing her.

Mama Dawson encourages her son to re-leave the nest so he can shack off with Jen.

Audrey wipes the pool table with Pacey and they realize Joey is missing (with the $100 bill he just gave her to get them all drinks). Now she is up singing with the band, and somehow managing to be as nerdy as possible while belting out Cheap Trick.

still a nerdy girl

still a nerdy girl

AND THEN she sucks face with Charlie, so apparently calling her uptight worked.

Jen is waiting for Dawson in his room wearing some very fancy pjs. They make up, probably on account of the sexy attire.

pj party

pj party

Audrey lures Pacey out of the club so Joey will be forced to leave with Charlie.

Jen and Dawson hang out in the buff beside a fireplace and the light of 80 million candles.

Pacey drops Audrey off, and he calls her on not having gone home. Then Audrey kisses him (because of the pact they made to kiss someone).

Charlie tries to take Joey home and she threatens him so he won’t tell anyone what happened and he drives off.

The end.

Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 5, Episode 10 – Appetite For Destruction

Jack, Audrey, Joey and Pacey are at Grams’ house and Pacey’s making dinner and Audrey’s being annoying and useless. Joey asks Jack where Dawson and Jen are, and he replies a lie they told about soaking up the atmosphere.

But actually now they’re just outside and Dawson is zipping up something on his Jeep. He has a Jeep? He’s, like, 19 and barely even a student. Fuck him and his Jeep.

Outside the house, Jen is worrying a bit about how to tell people about their new relationship thing, and Dawson is all high on the newfound wonders of sex so he gives no shits. He’s like, meh to other people, let’s just enjoy what we’re doing.

But whatever, they come inside and kiss and everyone pops out to get a peek.

We like to watch.

We like to watch.

Pacey and Jack look pretty jazzed for Dawson, as the menfolk are wont to be when they see a virgin pal of theirs finally get some. But let me guess… Joey’s not going to like it!

CREDITS

Everyone’s awkwardly and silently eating their dinner, complete with candlelight. As mentioned, the dudes were fine with this and Audrey has no social graces, so everyone must be on eggshells for fucking Joey.

They make uncomfortable small talk and then Audrey smashes risotto on her shirt on purpose and drags Joey away from the table to “help” her with it.

In the bathroom, Joey brushes off the kiss she saw as no big deal like, oh, they had a fun weekend, who cares? And Audrey’s like, nononono, they’re totally doing it. And now Joey looks upset, bu insists she has no reaction about it.

Jen then excuses herself from the table and is sticking to the rice pretence. She knocks on the bathroom door and offers Audrey a spare shirt and she accepts and leaves Joey in there.

Back at the dinner table, Pacey takes the wordy lead and attempts to extract info out of Dawson about his weekend with Jen, and in a roundabout way inquires about the sex. Joey comes out of the bathroom and walks off. Dawson says he’s not talking about it and follows Joey.

When he’s gone, Jack’s like, he totally did it. Pacey’s not sure because it’s Dawson they’re talking about, but Jack’s sure because he knows Jen. Then they mention they’ve both nearly slept with Jen and Pacey’s like, what does it take then? Jack says, a virgin straight guy.

In the kitchen, Dawson is giving Joey the Reader’s Digest version of how things happened with Jen, what with the honeymoon suite, and that there’s no graceful way to have this conversation. Joey’s all, what conversation? It was just a kiss.

Uh, honeymoon suite?

Yeah, so someone else actually wanted to sleep with me? So...

Yeah, so someone else actually wanted to sleep with me? So…

Joey then realizes Dawson lost his virginity to Jen rather than hang onto it indefinitely for her, and she’s like, let’s not make this a thing. Then she leaves the kitchen and it’s totally going to be a thing.

At the table, Pacey announces there’s more courses to come and insists they be eaten. He gets up to get them, Joey offers help, which is declined, which is forced on him anyway, and Audrey and Jack jump up to run into the kitchen too.

Dawson and Jen talk about how everyone knows and they have a little intimate moment that Audrey witnesses through a crack in the door and makes a face. Well, quit watching! Heck.

They all then talk loudly in the kitchen in a way Dawson and Jen would totally be able to hear, and try again to leave the dinner. Audrey mocks Pacey’s roast chicken in the oven and Joey wants him to take it out early to get the dinner over with faster, and then Jack agrees and Pacey actually agrees to this like no chef ever fucking would. And that shit would not fly with the hipsters of today. Serve improperly cooked chicken? Rather than muscle through some awkwardness in a quaint century home with vintage china and a properly and deliciously cooked lemon chicken? Pfft, fucking amateurs.

Joey comes out of the kitchen and Dawson gets up to go into it. Jen tells Joey she didn’t plan this romance. Joey tells Jen she’s a good person and this is exactly what Dawson needs– right now. Yeah, that little bit at the end sorta adds some snotty subtext, if you ask me.

At the table, Pacey’s getting some grief about the chicken not being done. Fucking hell… THIS IS WHAT YOU ASKED FOR.

Uh, the undercooked chicken I asked for is too undercooked!

Uh, the undercooked chicken I asked for is too undercooked!

Oh, and get a load of the dish:

Why couldn't you wait?!

Why couldn’t you wait?!

These are the most ungrateful friends, like, ever. Push a guy to ruin his entree and then complain about the entree, which would’ve been amazing had they not been such dicks.

Dawson reveals he’s learned about a film school in Boston that he’s now checking out. Jack suggests he move into Grams’ (With Jen!) and everyone snickers and Dawson says it’s a possibility and Audrey then flips more food on her shirt to drag Joey away again. This girl is off her gourd.

In the kitchen, Joey’s like quit throwing food on yourself and dragging me away. Audrey wants her to spill her guts and Joey says if her heart was broken by this she’d have no right to feel that way. Which actually I agree. She jerked him around for years and now he’s finally with someone else.

The doorbell rings and Jen answers it. And it’s Charlie making puppy dog eyes.

Everyone minus Jen and Charlie are sitting down to dinner for the salad course, and Jack’s talking smack about Charlie. Dawson gets up to see what the hold-up is, and perhaps to protect his turf.

Pacey tries to stop him, again with wordy reasons that make lots of sense but which no 19-year-old boy would ever say (About appearing needy and sizing up the competition), and Dawson is not persuaded. He pops his head out and Jen says she’ll be back in one minute.

Charlie gives her back a T-shirt and says he and Nora aren’t together now. Wow, a romance option to be second choice! Buddy, you’re not that good looking. Jen’s like, nope, I gots a Dawson. Charlie leaves and Jen returns to the table.

Now Joey is a little bothered by some subtle PDA and goes for more salad in the kitchen so now Dawson gets up again and follows her. Shit, just get through this dinner already. Everyone’s getting up and down instead of eating this fancy homecooked meal.

Now Jack wants to change the music so he asks Jen to get up. Ugh! they go to the CD player (Hee!) and he starts giving her guff about the timing of this new relationship like it’s any of his business. Then the conversation shifts to the deteriorating quality of their relationship. Jen says he even used to know how she liked her coffee and now they’re distant. I blame the frat shit.

At the table, only Pacey and Audrey remain and I gotta say he’s pretty zen about the major disrespect his friends are paying him with bailing on this dinner even though they’re all still in the house.

In the kitchen, Joey is not getting more salad, she’s washing a dish over and over. Dawson tells her she doesn’t have to pretend to be fine if she’s not fine. And then she asks if he misses her, and there’s this distance and, lady, you tried to break up with him via voicemail message.

He tries to explain that basically his feelings changed after his dad died (I’m thinking he just no longer had any energy for her hot/cold come here/go away shit?) and that going away with Jen felt great, like starting over.

Joey’s like, you couldn’t start over with me? And he tells her being around her hurts now because there’s too much associated with her. (Plus she’s a dick).

It’s finally dessert and Pacey’s serving up a wicked good-looking chocolate cake. Joey asks if there’s “expresso” in the centre. They start talking about how far apart they’ve grown. Jack takes the opportunity to pour cream in Jen’s coffee. Then they talk about how lucky they are to still all know each other after high school.

Then Grams shows up, looking pleased her lace tablecloth is being used for a dinner party. Audrey, who’s been complaining about a lack of a Grams all night, finally gets to meet her.

Before Grams goes to bed with a slice of chocolate cake, she tells Dawson it’s too late for him to go home so he’ll spend the night with them. Oooohhhwoooooo!

And just like that, the dinner party breaks up. Joey, Audrey and Jack leave the party and the clean-up. Pacey, who cooked all day on his day off when it’s not even his house, starts the cleaning.

In the kitchen, Jen wants to know if Pacey has any commentary about her relationship and, no, he just wants her to be happy. Jen then tells him not to clean up because she and Dawson will do it.

Outside, Pacey catches up with the three and Audrey drags Jack off to go to a gay bar.

Pacey and Joey talk about finding themselves, or something, and Joey admits she was happy someone else would take care of Dawson for awhile, but that she didn’t like feeling replaced.

And there it is. That ain’t love. It’s something, sure, but not love.

Jen shows Dawson an attic room. This massive house that Jack isn’t even living in anymore and he gets the attic?

They talk and snuggle on the twin bed. Probably no sex at Grams’ house.

Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 5, Episode 9 – “Four Scary Stories” Or, if you prefer, TREEHOUSE OF HORROR GOT NUTTIN ON ME

Full moon alert. Joey, Pacey, and Jack are returning from a scary movie, and ripping it to shreds. Pacey calls Joey a skittish kitten which is cute-ish. This has all the makings of a halloween special…except I looked it up and it originally aired in…December. Nonetheless, Joey goes for food, and follows noises and a basketball goes flying down the stairs and then she is locked out. Don’t fret. Just a prank.

Credits.

As the gang eats all of Grams’ food, Joey starts to tell them a scary story to prove she isn’t a fraidy cat:

Joey is explaining to roomie why she has to study on halloween (she can’t get her course reserve any. other. time.) Audrey is dressed as pre-pigs blood Carrie (Blood is like all red and sticky. Totally gross).

not so scary carrie

not so scary carrie

At the library Audrey decides to get creeped out by some guy eating peanuts at a desk. That’s how you know this show is 15 years old…we could consume nuts in public without fear of killing everyone. All the nerds at the library hate Audrey because she’s obviously got a social life. So she leaves. The hours go by until it is just Joey, peanut guy and a massive pile of shells (they were getting annoyed with Audrey for talking, and yet this guy is making a racket and a mess).

deez nuts

deez nuts

Peanut dude makes some comment about how Joey shouldn’t be out after dark alone. She goes to the stacks, where Peanut guy whispers to Joey to come there and she runs, which pretty much guarantees that he is looking out for her well-being. Naturally, the other book she needs is in “Special editions” in the basement (dun dun dun). Turns out library guy is the bad guy and peanut guy is a cop trying to protect her. She kicks the shit out of the bad guy…including throwing a card catalogue at him (Watching this show makes me feel 100 years old). Joey and Peanut cop gloat over how her kickboxing class paid off.

Jack says he has a better story and it is uncharacteristically about his fraternity. Jack and his bruhs (is that what they are called?) are hanging listening to the radio and drinking jack out of a flask. They are also looking at old stuff…Someone’s Dad’s old yearbook or something, and tell a story about a dude that killed everyone. Jack gets all fucked up because he mixed cold medicine with one drop of booze. The bathroom is gross as hell and to top it off some shadowy thing runs by (which makes me think of supernatural, which makes me think of Jensen Ackles, which makes me think of WHERE ARE YOU DEAN? I was promised you were on this show.)

Wait, what did I miss…Jack is on the stairs. Noises can be heard, but no one answers when he calls out “You there”. He approaches a door that is making rattling noises. One of his friends…(or some random?) is bound and gagged in the closet. Oh wait, this guy is a legacy…perhaps the offspring of that killer dead guy or something? Dude confesses he’s gay and they bond over liking the dick and stuff. Oh wait, it WAS the guy who killed everyone, Jack sees him on the pic, and poof he is gone.

wait i just pulled him out of the closet

wait i just pulled him out of the closet

Pacey is up next. They tease Pacey about URBAN LEGENDS and he says he has experienced them, and they talk about his double life. HOW META.

Pacey is driving that waitress home who is riding him for his boy-crush. Pacey flashes his lights and she spouts an urban legend that I swear they mentioned on the film. After nearly being run off the road they come into a diner and everyone is staring at them. Shit..maybe I watched this episode of Dawson’s thinking it was Urban legends because this is incredibly familiar. The car that tried to kill them is in the parking lot, and Pacey screams at everyone. Now the car is in front of them on the road. Car chase, then waitress gets a bat out of the trunk, and they approach the car. Pacey opens the door ANDDDD there’s no one there.

Back in Grams’ living room they have lit every candle Grams’ owns. What a foolish waste. She comes home and when she finds they are telling ghost stories she has one for them.

Grams tells Jen’s story—her first night at the radio station, alone in the booth. A branch is tapping on the window. Jen goes out to investigate and gets locked out, and she drops her id badge trying to use it to jimmy the lock. Something whispers “Jennifer” at her from the darkness. It falls down. It is just a mannequin. Suddenly she is able to open the door, and her id is on her desk, not where she dropped it earlier. Something/someone smashes through the glass. The end.

Everyone pisses their pants and Grams skips merrily away.

take that you little shits...and quit wasting my candles

take that you little shits…and quit wasting my candles

Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 5, Episode 8 – Hotel New Hampshire

Opening scene, Dawson is talking about his floundering with Pacey on his boat. Pacey is talking about loving the kitchen at work and this coworker who isn’t into him. And looks like these two are buddies again now that Pacey’s not boning Joey, even though it’s been less than half a year and generally people hold grudges for shit like that a lot longer.

CREDITS

Jen and Joey are studying together. Joey used to hate Jen, but now that she’s surrounded by a college full of new people to hate, Jen’s her best pal, I guess. She asks how Dawson’s been, since she hasn’t seen him in awhile. Jen says he’s doing okay. Joey says she’s starting to feel not so bad about not being the one who’s there for him. Makes sense. She’s complete shit at being supportive.

It's true, I'm the worst.

It’s true, I’m the worst.

At the frat, they’re getting ready for the formal. The guy talking calls Jack a lady, and everyone including him laughs. Then he says everyone must have a date and get laid, and shows a list of potential dates. So far Jack is all, heh, list! The guys start talking hot chicks and Jack just drinks his drink and thinks about something other than vaginas. Then they call on him to get one of the guys a date with his attractive female friend. And as near as I can figure he just pimped Jen out to a random frat neanderthal.

Pacey shows up at his coworker’s house, the one who’s sleeping with the boss, and gives her an offer of a platonic night to give her a break from her shitty relationship. She hesitates and then takes him up on it.

In therapy, Dawson is lamenting his friends are treating him with kid gloves still, and his shrink tells him to go to the film festival that’s coming up and take one of his buddies.

At the radio station, Jen’s got a gig, I guess, mooning about breakups on the air. The other woman, Nora, who I thought was a plot device, shows up so I guess she’s now a regular guest.

Jen’s saying she’s done with Charlie, and the other chick is like, I wish I had that confidence. And she mentions his latest attempt at “wooing us back,” thing. The look on Jen’s face says he isn’t trying to win them back, just Nora.

Dafuq?

Dafuq?

Nora learns Jen hasn’t gotten any love letters and is all, oh… I’m sorry! But really, it’s likely she showed up to find out just that and will now go throw herself at Charlie, as it seems she was the real girlfriend and Jen was the side chick. Womp womp. Well, I guess now Jen’s self esteem will be shitty enough to go out with that frat pile from earlier. Jen tells Nora she doesn’t care.

But she’s crying to Dawson soon after saying that she does want corny love letters and that she does care very much.

Rats!

Y no LETTERS?

Jen calls herself a floozy, Dawson laughs and then kisses her forehead. Admittedly, floozy is a rather delightful word these days; so much more playful and gentle than slut. Let’s bring back floozy.

Jen’s misery and mortification is the perfect set-up for him to ask her to leave town to go to that film festival.

With Jen out of the picture, Jack invites Audrey instead, along with Joey, to double date with him and that frat guy named Eric at the formal. The door knocks at their dorm and Audrey wants to pose before Joey opens the door. Why she has to be such a dingbat, I’m not sure. Eric calls Audrey a stone cold fox.

At the film festival, the receptionist girl hits on Dawson in an uncomfortable way and rudely asks Jen if she’s his girlfriend. Jen then laughs like it’s a huge joke, which is also kinda weird. Some guy runs up and tells Dawson he’s big news and his screening sold out. Then he calls another director retarded. I’m not sure at what point that word stopped being used so casually, but I don’t think it would fly on TV anymore. Well, HBO, but you know.

Dawson and Jen open their hotel room door and inside is the cheesiest bed ever.

I expect some whoopee!

I expect some whoopee!

At the formal, guys approach Eric and Jack and say “score”, like appraising a woman you don’t know right in front of her isn’t remarkably gross. Joey says Jen should be there too to share in the pain and Jack tells her Jen’s having a weekend out of town with Dawson. Joey’s now got a case of the sads.

At Pacey’s non-date with his coworker Karen, he keeps things light until BAM he doesn’t and brings up that she’s a woman on the side and deserves better.

At the festival, a seemingly over-done film directed by the “retarded” local celebrity is showing. Smoke Crack & Worship Satan. Yeah.

Too much?

Too much?

But apparently it’s really good. I can only imagine what it’s about from the title.

Dawson pooh-poohs his movie and Jen gives him a pep talk. Then the director of the Satan movie pops out wearing a silly-looking hat and mentions he’s won the festival three times in a row and calls Dawson a “Hollywood slickster.” Then he calls Jen pretty, stares at her strangely and hoofs it out of there.

Pacey and his date do some banter that I don’t give a shit about. Then they have a goodnight kiss that immediately leads to making out, which immediately leads to them tearing into her home and getting undressed. Also she knocks over a lamp.

At the festival, Dawson’s movie is done screening and the head festival guy introduces Dawson, but first talks about how Mitch wrote a letter along with the video about his son’s talent. Dawson gives a small speech, dedicates the film to his father and gives a shoutout to his “girlfriend” Jen.

At the party, Audrey is bored stiff by her date. He gets up to go get a drink and complains to Jack that she doesn’t like him and maybe she’s a prude. Jack tells him not to worry and that Audrey’s easy. Joey overhears and looks incensed.

I kills you

I kills you

Then Jack sees Joey heard him and he looks like he ate a bag of whoops.

After they’re done fooling around (or sleeping together? Not sure) Karen is angry, so maybe the sex wasn’t very good. No afterglow here. She says Pacey’s not worth what she’s risking. He asks if she slept with him to get back at her boss/lover. Ah. There we are. And yes, it was revenge sex. Pacey leaves in a huff.

At the festival, sore loser Satan film Oliver tells Dawson he loved his film and he isn’t as much of a goon as he thought. He tells him about a media arts school in… Boston (Go figure!) full of nerds and freaks and stuff. So, obviously here’s the new plan. Not subtle.

Oliver points out, “there’s your girl” to Dawson when he sees Jen. Dawson’s about to correct him, that she’s not really his girlfriend, but stops. He’s got that look in his eye, so maybe after these many years he’s finally attracted to Jen again now that he’s sick of Joey ruining his life.

At the formal, Joey’s giving Jack the business over the shit he said about Audrey and he doesn’t seem to think it was a big deal. Then she calls him out on not spending time with them anymore and being a general asshole these days. He pretty much tells her to get off her high horse and no one’s forcing anyone to be there. So Joey marches right out.

Back in the cheesy hotel room, Dawson and Jen have a conversation that steers back to “so, why didn’t we work out?” I knew it. They rehash their breakup and Jen throwing herself at him and they laugh, and he says ultimately Jen just wasn’t attracted to him. And so Jen kisses him.

Ohohoho, and I think after Joey, Eve and Gretchen giving him the heave ho, he’s finally going to lose his virginity, and to Jen. And why not?

In the morning, Dawson wakes up a happy camper.

I did it!

I did it!

At the restaurant, Pacey goes in to quit and finds out that Karen already has. Boss man gives him the chance to rescind his resignation and expresses regret for putting him in the middle of it all. Pacey doesn’t say anything and leaves. Uh, so did he quit or not?

At the dorm room, Joey walks in on Jack apologizing to Audrey, who forgives him with gusto. Joey also talks to him, he’s sorry and then boom, everything’s fine again.

Pacey sees Karen outside the restaurant and they, I don’t know, debrief. She encourages him not to quit, and then they huge, she leaves and that’s that.

As they’re packing to leave the cheesy hotel, Jen talks to Dawson about how sex changes everything and she’s worried. He says it felt right and if things change, who says it’ll be bad, and so bring it on. Jen seems happy with that. And then they decide to stay (Another hour? Another night? Who knows.)

Well, good for him. I was rooting for that guy’s boner for some time.