Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 3, Episode 23 – True Love

APPARENTLY Momma Dawson has no friends so JOEY is her maid of honour. OMG please do not let this be a wedding episode. I can feel my PTSD from past wedding experiences twitching close to surface.

Credits

Pacey is getting ready to take off on his boat. Doug is giving him a big bro pep-talk, suggesting he tell Joey he is taking off and giving her a chance to love him.

Jen and Jack are bantering when Henry walks up. Jen is scary, and they both try to communicate through Jack and he wants them to grow up and gives voice to all the stupid subtext.

Jen says she is sorry that they ever met and storms away…for two steps. Then Mushroom Cut gives up.

Andie comes to Dawson’s house and asks Dawson to sign her yearbook in her pre-determined location. She is trying to get Pacey and Dawson back together.

sign here please

sign here please

Joey is driving a truck which looks super weird to me for some reason. Doug pulls her over for going BELOW the speed limit. He issues a “warning” … that Pacey is leaving for Florida for 3 months.

nice wheels

nice wheels

Joey stalks Pacey at the grocery store. He offers her a bite of his chocolate bar (I think it might be a three musketeers, which is pretty much the king of candy).  He doesn’t really get to enjoy his candy, because he has to hash it out with Joey instead. He rails on her for never painting that stupid wall.

Wedding rehearsal crap. Dawson snarks at Joey that she can go to Pacey’s goodbye party if she would prefer. He expresses surprise that she is just going through the motions with a scowl on her face. Has he met her?

Grams and the gang are having a goodbye party, and all the teens are kvetching over how hard they have it. Grams tells a story about her young love that was not Gramps who died in the Korean war. She says she acted on her heart’s impulse, and has no regrets, but this group of losers can’t say the same.

i've seen some action

i’ve seen some action

go on ...

go on …

Back at the party, Dawson finds Joey and insists he doesn’t want to fight, even though if they quit doing that, who knows what they will talk about because that is kinda what they do. Joey tells him that it’s his fault she dumped Pacey because he deserves to know that.

In the car Jen is sulking because of what Gram’s said and now she wants Henry. Grams pulls a U-turn and knocks over a bunch of garbage and says Jen has to get on that bus and tell him how she feels.

At the staring wall, Joey sees someone has painted it with “ASK ME TO STAY”. Pacey saunters over drinking a litre of juice. His face is completely mangled so I wonder what the hell happened in the last episode (Somehow I wonder if Dawson might have been involved). Or he survived a werewolf attack. Who knows-ies?

what the hell happened last week?

what the hell happened last week?

UGH the wedding. The Dawsons loved each other before they knew each other. And I can’t even.

Oh look, Pacey came to lurk at the wedding!

The rest of the gang has been driving all night to catch Henry and I wonder if Grams is going to jail for kidnapping.

Jen tries to run into the john to find Henry. But, he’s just standing by a tree, so no urinal shots. Jen strides up to him in front of all the boys and she has a big speech and outs him for being a virgin in front of the whole team and then they all applaud as they kiss and this is such a weird episode.

Back at the wedding Joey tells Pacey she can’t give him a reason to stay. Pacey’s face is suddenly healed btw. Dawson and Pacey have an ugly few moments.

Back at the football bus Jen feels like a happy idiot, and the gang can continue on the carpe diem roadtrip. Jack must go to Boston to win back his gay love (Grams is cool with all this, OK?)

Joey and Dawson are dancing while Joey tries not to cry which feels a tad bit rapey.

this is … nice

this is … nice

In BOSTON, Jack runs up to explain that he can be gay with this gay dude and then he smooches him. In front of his boyfriend. Who for some reason doesn’t kill Jack, but instead gives them some privacy.

At the ole wedding, Dawson is giving a toast for his parents’ do-over marriage and says he’s glad he finally gets to be in the wedding pics.

Joey tells Dawson he had a beautiful speech. Then he tells her to go to Pacey because he is tired of standing in her way.

AND IT IS THE FAMOUS DAWSON CRYING FACEEEEEE

DAWSON CRIES

DAWSON CRIES

Joey takes off running after Pacey as Dawson crumples in a heap on the bridge.

Dawson so sad

Dawson so sad

Jack tells his dad all about his gay problems and he does a decent job of not being a homophobe. Jack crumples into a ball on the floor. Dad says he is glad sonny boy is gay.

Jack so sad

Jack so sad

Dawson is skulking around and Jen and Andie and “Jack Attack” are all in Dawson’s bed to “Cheer him up”

…huh…

Joey is running so hard her shirt is flapping in the wind.

hulk want pacey

hulk want pacey

Pacey is being a whiney little bitch while Joey gives a big speech that ends with “I think I’m in love with you.” Then Pacey makes her change it to “I know”.

She wants to come on his boat trip instead of help her sister stave off bankruptcy and so they make out. She doesn’t bother telling anyone she’s leaving or grabbing a spare pair of panties and they are sailing off into the sunset together. Yes. Literally.

buh bye

buh bye

THAT’S THREE DOWN, THREE TO GO MUTHAFUCKAS!

Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 3, Episode 22 – The Anti-Prom

Opening scene, Joey and Dawson are walking home together and Joey’s complaining about finals. Both are acting all normal-like, as though they both don’t know Joey wants in Pacey’s pants.

Dawson reminds her of a pact they made to go to junior prom. I don’t really know what a junior prom is. My school had a formal and a semi-formal. Those were all the special dances to be had at my school. You went to formal if you graduated. You went to semi-formal grade 11 and up. What is this junior prom? Americans and their complicated dance seasons. No high school on TV seems immune from these things.

Joey doesn’t really want to go, but bows to the pressure from Dawson, who promises things like friendship and moving forward.

Screen Shot 2015-02-23 at 10.36.27 PM

I don’t really wanna…

Screen Shot 2015-02-23 at 10.40.23 PM

But you’re gonna anyway because guilt!

She says he’s not allowed to buy her a corsage or wear a ruffly tuxedo shirt. This not being 1976, I don’t know how much threat there was of that last one anyway. But they’re interrupted by Gail and Mitch’s out-of-the-blue makeout session spilling into the outdoors.

Credits.

Back to the Leery house, Joey makes a quick exit and Gail leaves to go to the restaurant. Mitch wants to talk to Dawson about what he just saw and Dawson’s like, meh, your relationship’s been screwing me up for years, so now I’m numb and don’t care. Mitch does make sure to let his son know that so far it’s nothing serious between he and Gail. Thanks, Pops.

At Pacey’s, Andie is there studying and gets the feeling Pacey would rather her go, even if he’s not telling her to. He admits he’s feeling sad, and Andie says he should go to prom. And then not so casually suggests he could go with her. Because when your best friend hates you and the girl you’re in love with has abandoned you, the prom with your ex-girlfriend is the answer! Of course!

Pacey asks if she doesn’t have a date and she says she’s “sifting through offers.” Pfft. No one that annoying could possibly have more than one asshole interested enough to go. Pacey tells her it’d be better to pick one of those other guys instead of him.

Joey’s complaining to Bess about the romantic complications of going to prom with Dawson, and Bess is like, D’uh. Joey tells her sister that she’s been giving shit advice lately, and Bess tells her to first stop giving her shit problems.

At lunch in school, Andie’s whining that Pacey didn’t ask her to prom and that she’ll have to go alone, which is terribly humiliating. Ah, made-up suitors. Was there any doubt? Jack’s like, well, better go alone than with the ex you’re not over.

But ex-boyfriends are so safe!

But ex-boyfriends are so safe!

But Jack’s got bigger problems than his sister’s drama. He’s bringing Ethan to the prom “as a friend” and the theme of the prom is “couples” so you have to alert the prom people to whom you’re bringing, or something. Jack’s not so keen on formally announcing he’s bringing a dude. And since this can still cause a ruckus in plenty of schools today, 15 years ago I’d say that is no small matter.

But Andie, being a self-absorbed twat, is like, yeah? So? Why do you care what people think? Because the difficulties being an out teen is just about caring “what other people think” whereas Pacey not wanting to ask her to prom and going alone is the deepest of humiliations.

Outside, Jen is complaining about the cliche that is prom, which really is the biggest cliche of them all. After her rant is over, Henry calls her on never having been.

But I'm so edgy!

But I’m so edgy!

And then he’s like, you asking me to go? And she’s like yeah. Jesus, don’t go into sales, Jen. Terrible pitch. He says he’d love to, only proving the power of his libido and not of Jen’s smooth moves.

In the lunch room, Jack’s attempting to buy tickets from a girl on the wrong side of history named Barbara, who informs him the definition of a couple is a boy and a girl and that him bringing a boy will cause a spectacle and ruin everyone’s fun. Because the death of any amazing party is always caused by attractive gay men.

Jack manages to keep his cool while Barbara goes on a pearl-clutching tirade about two men dancing or having their photo taken together. She says she’ll check with the head of the prom committee first before selling him his tickets.

Dawson goes to buy his tickets and Barbara makes him state his own name, even though she knows it. She finds out he’s taking Joey and goes, “Aw, happy couple back together?” Pacey is sitting nearby and he and Dawson exchange a look.

Outside, Andie and Joey are discussing ways to get Barbara in trouble and get Jack to prom, but he doesn’t want to go anymore. He wants to have fun, not be a political stance. Andie’s like, too bad, you’re a political stance. Fight!

But Jack’s not up to it and then the girls say they’re not going, Joey taking an easy out of this prom with Dawson thing. Dawson gets a brief panicked look on his face before saying they’ll throw an “anti-prom”. I think this plot line is on every teen show at some point.

Dawson suggests the anti-prom to his parents, figuring it could be at the restaurant. He says the ticket sales would offset the costs. Not in the real world they wouldn’t, but this is TV world where Pacey can suddenly fix wedding cakes and after-parties for school plays are well-funded by mysterious sources.

They agree to this idea, and then mosey about the kitchen of the restaurant while chefs behind them work very slowly. Mitch wants to talk about their relationship, Gail doesn’t.

At school, both prom tickets are being sold side by side, despite one not being a school-sanctioned event. And Dawson’s prom banner reads– I kid you not– “Subvert the dominant paradigm!” Well now, doesn’t that sound like fun?

Stick it to the man! Half price!

Stick it to the man! Half price!

Some punky looking kids are buying tickets to the alternative prom and Barbara calls them the dregs of society. Andie and Jack tell her she’s narrow-minded and her outfit sucks. Barbara says at least she’s not going to Hell. Andie, in her first moment of likeability makes an ooooh face and does jazz hands.

Hell schmell!

Hell schmell!

At Jen’s house, Grams is fitting Henry with appears to be her dead husband’s old suit. When she hears her tea kettle, she leaves the room and Jen wants to talk to Henry about prom sex. Henry’s eye light up. Ooh, sex! But Jen wants to choose not to do it. Henry’s like, yeah, fine, cool. Even though a few episodes ago he was Horny Henry.

But then he’s like, uh, we are going to do it eventually, though, right? And Jen doesn’t answer him, but gives him a kiss. That kinda sounds like a no there, buddy.

Pacey stops by Andie’s place and finds out she’s going to alternative prom alone. And with some debonair resignation, he asks her to go with him and she accepts.

Prom night comes, Dawson picks up Joey and presents with her his mom’s diamond earrings on loan in lieu of a corsage. Maybe I’m a curmudgeon but all I can think of is if they were cleaned first. Joey’s less germ-conscious than I am, or more confidant of Leery hygiene practices, and puts on the earrings.

Film!

Film!

Bess takes their picture and I’m briefly nostalgic for the time you had to wait to see what a picture would look like till after it was developed and then ask your friends for one of their doubles.

But then I realized this supposed snap shot makes no sense because they’re not looking into the lens.

At the alternative prom, Gail notes the crowd is “interesting” and Mitch asks her to lock the cash register. Ah, small town people.

Jack and Ethan are sitting at a table and Jack is sulking about something and doing a poor job of showing his date a good time. Everyone shows up, and Andie looks like Tilda Swinton. Dawson and Joey immediately get up to go dance, and Joey and Pacey make sad eyes at each other across the room.

Lavender eyeliner is not a good look.

Lavender eyeliner is not a good look.

Jen and Henry dance and have a stilted awkward conversation about sex.

Jack and Ethan talk and Jack learns Ethan never went to prom with a boyfriend or did anything like this when he was younger. Jack is pissed because he feels tricked into making a stand when he didn’t feel ready.

Henry reveals to Jen he’s going to an 8-week football camp in Cleveland for the summer. Dude, how much would that cost? God, I feel so old because that’s the first thing I thought. Jen’s mad and is like, forget about us having sex tonight! And Henry’s like, I thought we weren’t having any? Jen’s like, that’s just what you say! Of course there was a chance; this is our prom! Henry’s like, oh, nuts.

Joey picks a fight with Dawson about him parading her around in front of Pacey and giving him looks. Dawson’s mad Pacey is there in the first place, but he simmers things down so as not to upset Joey, however, she wants out of there and leaves the dance floor.

She runs into Jack, who’s feeling crummy about how he treated Ethan. Joey’s bummed she’s in the middle and no one’s friends right now.

Mitch and Gail are dancing and talking about their relationship and Mitch gets terse and wants Gail to say what she wants out it. Then he leaves her on the dance floor.

What the fuck is wrong with these people? Dropping these verbal bombs and abandoning their dates, sometimes mid-dance? Real people don’t pull that shit. No one leaves that juicy of a conversation hanging in the air like that, especially not teenagers and emotionally stunted adults.

Joey finds Pacey and asks him to dance. Oh, this will go well. Andie’s already spotted them and looks sad.

Pacey trashes Gail’s diamond earrings and praises the bracelet Joey has on instead, which was her mother’s. Ooh, such obvious subtext.

Now Dawson sees them in this intimate dance embrace, and there’s sad Andie again. Jesus, that makeup is shit. Let’s look at it again.

Like a pastel clown.

Like a pastel clown.

Joey looks up and sees Dawson, who can’t take the imagery anymore and runs out. Joey chases after him.

And while she’s saying it shouldn’t matter who she dances with if they’re there as friends, Dawson’s like, hell no, this isn’t about friendship, obviously I wanted more! And then it’s laid out, she’s going to have to pick. He kisses her and… walks away.

Okay, seriously? No one would do that.

It’s like the writers don’t know how to realistically conclude a fucking conversation.

At Jen’s house, Jen breaks up with Henry. Well, there was a relationship that never had a chance anyway,

Jack catches up with Ethan at the train station, still in tuxes. Did Ethan just leave after that argument? Jack wants to know what the status of their association with each other is. Ethan asks Jack to kiss him if he’s ready. He says, “No cameras, no television network to cut to commercial.” Was that a dig at censors or the network? Well, regardless, the show didn’t go for a gay kiss and Ethan walks away while Jack looks sad.

Pacey is apologizing to Andie for taking her to prom without really wanting to take her. Andie’s not mad just bummed out. Pacey reveals his plan for the summer is to sail his boat to Key West. He’s, like, 16. I think if I had told my family I’d be doing something like that for the summer when I was that age, they’d have laughed in my face.

Andie implores Pacey not to leave without telling Joey first. Andie’s done a turnaround this episode. Too bad she looks like ass.

Joey returns the earrings to Dawson and says she can’t choose. Dawson’s like, okay, I’ll wait. Well, that was easy. They watch Gail run into the house. And Gail and Mitch patch things up and they’re back together.

MVA: Jen’s rant about prom: “Is there a more ridiculous and embarrassing ritual than the prom? The way that it totally reenforces traditional gender roles, rewards the cool kids, punishes the geeks. I mean, the pressure that this one single night exerts on the common teenager to make hollow awkward romantic gestures like pinning a cheap corsage on taffeta, having drunken sex with some guy whose name you won’t even remember and then puking in the back of some cheesy-ass rented limo. I mean, it’s all just so overwhelming.”

Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 3, Episode 21 – Show Me Love

Music montage: Dawson staring at his zany aunt’s painting of him and Joey, Joey staring at a brick wall, Pacey hosing down his boat, “True Love”, Mushroom cut Henry performing a poor man’s Say Anything by holding a sign that says “forgive me” on Jen’s lawn (Jen takes one look and storms inside while Grams gives him the holiest stink-eye I’ve ever seen). Dawson storming past Pacey in the halls at Capeside, Joey awkwardly trying to find a place to sit in the cafeteria (spoiler alert: she sits by herself).

painting

painting

...crap like this is why I spent a lot of my teenage years disappointed in romance?

…crap like this is why I spent a lot of my teenage years disappointed in romance?

nyah nyah

nyah nyah

Joey is staring at the brick wall when Dawson comes outside to tell her that he wants her in his life. She says she just wants to paint her wall and he says it is an open invitation.

Cue the credits.

It is the Capeside Regatta 2000! Mamma and Daddy Dawson are discussing the boat race. They had sponsored Pacey in the Regatta, and Momma still wants the publicity, despite baby Dawson’s tantrums.

Do you? Really?

Do you? Really?

Dawson takes the flag to Pacey and they act like dicks to each other.

Joey is arguing with her sister because she doesn’t want to make the Regatta people pancakes because it is “humiliating”. Teenagers are weird. Was I that weird? What is embarrassing part of delicious pancakes?

Grams and the kids are making floral bouquets for the winners of the Regatta and all Jen can do is massacre daisies, to find out whether “He loves me.”

Mushroom Cut is still out there with his sign. Grams tells Jen she should forgive him for wanting to get in her pants.

Dawson asks Andie and Jack to borrow their boat so he can race against Pacey and win Joey, and Jack makes this face:

umm no

umm, no

Joey lost (and apparently forgot) the war and is enthusiastically handing is handing out pancakes, and Dawson drops the news that Potter B & B is his sponsor for the sailboat race. WELL THAT COULD BE AWKWARD.

Andie is holed up in her room with her multitude of awards. Will comes to tell her that he got some scholarship. Then Andie rants about Pacey, and Will warns her that she is about to become the sort of person he feels sorry for. About to? He must have missed most of this season and show.

Dawson almost kills Jack on the boat. Mitch comes by and drops a bunch of sailing lingo so we understand that Baby D probs isn’t going to drown.

Pacey sees the sign and Joey apologizes. Pacey is pissy and then Joey doesn’t care and just asks him to talk to Dawson.

Henry follows Jen to the restaurant with his sign, and momma Dawson makes her go forgive him because his pathetic behaviour is bad for business.

Henry takes her up to a rose-petal covered roof to further the apology. They make out.

Pacey calls out Dawson on the boardwalk, asking him what he is trying to prove and suggests Dawson just take a swing. They squabble about who has a better chance with Joey.

Morning: Jen comes home and Grams is pissed that Jen was out all night (i.e. Went back to her slut ways).

Momma Dawson and Daddy Dawson squabble about the race and Daddy wonders if they are ever going to start knocking boots again.

Welcome to the Regatta! There’s lots of sailing set to intense metal(?) music.

Pacey in the lead with Dawson at his heels. Then Dawson decides he will not back down, and Pacey swerves to avoid a crash. Dawson is disqualified for his shenanigans and Pacey comes in last.

Joey, Pacey and Dawson yell at each other and Joey storms off.

amateurs

amateurs

Joey cries on the boardwalk. Dawson finds her and has another heart to heart. Joey says all she needs is a friend without an agenda. Dawson agrees so she storms away.

Will is on his way (so soon?), and Pacey tells him not to sleep with his teachers. Will tells him not to give up on true love.

Jen is in her room sulking. Grams comes to her room to give her a dress that she tossed and a lecture on sex and birth control. Jen finally tells her that they didn’t have sex, and Grams is like super happy.

WHEN I GROW UP

WHEN I GROW UP

There is a GARBAGE poster behind her. Remember Garbage?

Also, there was a Paula Cole poster. Very meta.

Mamma Dawson is having a seduction party for Dadda Dawson in the restaurant. She says he is more important than business and I take it that is a big deal because they start sucking face.

Joey is back at the ole staring wall and Pacey approaches. They squabble over her loving Dawson and not him. Then he walks away and says he will renew the lease on her wall, and that he understands.

Then he goes back to his boat and wrenches the words True Love off it and throws it into the drink. Pacey, this is exactly what Will just warned you about.

Andie fishes “True Love” out of the water and now she wants to have a heart-to-heart about her not hating him.

Joey comes in through the window and wants to watch ET with Dawson. Because the most comforting words she can hear right now is “I’ll be right here.”

MVA: Defs “You gotta regatta”

Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 3, Episode 20 – The Longest Day

Opening scene has Joey narrating, “Have you ever had one of those days you wish you could live all over again?”

And now we know this is going to be a Special Episode.

Everyone is at the marina to christen Pacey’s boat, which he has somehow managed to get in shipshape in a very short period of time. Seriously, it was a piece of crap 16 episodes ago. He had school and a crummy minimum wage job eating up most of his time, plus all the shenanigans. Where did he get the time and money to manage this?

But no matter that. Dawson has shown up with his dad and the champagne, and Pacey and Joey are making out in a boat house. And between going at it, they’re talking about Dawson, and Pacey says he’ll be the one to break his heart into a thousand pieces. He agrees to do it in one day. THE LONGEST DAY. Joey has said in the past that she loved Dawson so much but couldn’t be with him because reasons and “it’s complicated” and now she’s moved on to Pacey after a few others haven’t worked out. But this time it’s real and worth hurting the poor bastard she’d pined after all her life.

Cue the credits, while I ponder the fickle nature that is Joey’s heart.

At the marina, Buzz is there, being a lame wiener kid, and Doug pops by to tell Pacey that Buzz’s mom (Who’s already an hour late) can’t pick him up until the rest of the day is over. Uh. Does anyone on earth have a babysitter they can pull that shit with? I’m unclear how Pacey got roped into this manny situation.

Pacey literally passes him off to Doug and says, nope, I got things to do!

Screen Shot 2015-02-09 at 1.38.29 PM

Buzz the buzzkill

At Jen’s house, Grams is leaving her “unchaperoned” and is worried about Henry’s sexual magnetism. Jen assures Grams she can handle it, which probably means, like, literally physically handle it. Hey-o!

She then finds Pacey standing outside the Leery house. He is working up the nerve to tell Dawson about Joey, and Jen is compassionately talking him through it. She’s a bigger person than me, seeing as she was more or less rejected by both these guys who are gaga over Joey.

Mitch comes out and tells them that Dawson’s over at the library.

So off Pacey goes, where he runs into a happy Andie, who says “free books make me giddy.” Then that Will guy from last episode comes by, Pacey says hi, and turns out he’s going out with Andie that night. I’d just like to point out that with real teenagers, this would be a way more dramatic and awkward situation.

Andie says she hasn’t seen Dawson, so Pacey leaves to go pick up Buzz. Buzz, meanwhile, has destroyed Doug’s answering machine and is jumping on his bed like a total shithead. Like, really, this kid has no boundaries and I think we’re actually supposed to find it cute. Buzz is gifted some Pokemon Blue for his troubles. This annoying, disobedient child needs less video games and more yard work in his life.

Doug gets the 411 on Pacey and Joey and his take on it is that Joey and Dawson will remain friends and Pacey will wind up alone. Thanks, Doug.

It’s now evening and Pacey is at the Leery house again and Joey stops him at the door, insisting she has to tell him or it will somehow “ruin everything.” Pacey realizes that Joey really means she doesn’t want Dawson to know at all. Then, boom. Dawson’s in the doorway all foreboding like.

Tell me what?

Tell me what?

He wants to know what they’re arguing about and Pacey takes the opportunity to just spill the beans.

And then after the break, Joey yet again says, “Have you ever had one of those days you wish you could live all over again?” So now we’re starting the day all over again. But that would have been obvious without that piece of repetitious narration. The writers have a habit of not really giving their audience too much credit.

Alright, back at the marina, Dawson and Mitch show up with the champagne. This time we get to hear the boring conversation the group has while they unknowingly wait for Joey and Pacey to stop making out. Pacey then shows up and Dawson goes to show him the champagne bottle.

Joey immediately shows up after and Jen gives her some side eye because she’s onto them entirely.

Then she’s making date plans with Henry while Joey waits so she can tell her all about her illicit doings with Pacey.

Yes, that is a teen girl using a phone booth. Retro!

Yes, that is a teen girl using a phone booth. Retro!

They then go on a walk and Joey lays it all out. Jen obviously thinks Joey should tell Dawson and Joey says she knows she’s going to come out looking like the villainess who came between two best friends. She then pays Jen the backhanded compliment of saying she wishes she were more like her, the sort who just does whatever she wants (Unspoken, despite the consequences of hurting others).

At the library, Joey’s there and sees Pacey talking casually to Andie. She then has this really exhausted look on her face about it for some reason.

*Sigh* It's so tiring being me.

*Sigh* It’s so tiring being me.

She then gets to work at the computer and Andie pops over to remind her of the 20-minute time limit. Chill out, Andie. While Andie waits, she blathers on about Will, but then bursts out that she’s not over Pacey, and that running into him opened the flood gates of feelings. Womp womp. But who cares about Andie? I know I sure don’t.

Joey bumps into Dawson outside the library and he wants to make plans for a movie night and she completely blows him off and gets the hell away from that conversation with as little grace as possible.

She then leaves a message for Pacey on the answering machine (Which was destroyed by stupid Buzz) about not telling Dawson so that she can do it herself.

Now it’s nighttime and Joey is quickly climbing the ladder to Dawson’s room while he’s watching a movie in which two men are yelling about a woman. So foreshadowing, he already knows, right? She asks if Pacey has been there (Nope) and then notices Dawson’s watching The Last Picture Show, which they had watched together on their first date.

Joey wants to know about the movie and it’s about three friends, two dudes and a lady, who grew up together. Two had a relationship, the woman ends it and breaks Dude 1’s heart and doesn’t care, and then moves onto the second guy, which destroys the friendship he had with Dude 1. Dawson then says it’s depressing and doesn’t know why he’s watching it. Then he asks what Joey wanted to talk about.

I’ve never had a conversation in my life as poorly set up as this. Has anyone? This is the sort of ironic cliche conversation halter that only happens on TV. Anyhoo, Joey chickens out and flees the room via the ladder, and then runs into Pacey, and we already know how that conversation goes and what happens, only we see Dawson overhearing their conversation from his room, and Dawson admits he knows everything already after Pacey tells him.

And now the day is starting alllll over again and here’s Joey narrating with her line, and I feel like this concept is hitting me over the head with a mallet.

Marina: Dawson & Mitch, champagne, boring conversation, frigging Buzz is there, Pacey & Joey are making out.  And this time we see the end of their kissing and decide that Pacey will leave first.

And this time we actually see the christening, complete with Joey giving Dawson an awkward look and Pacey thanking a guy named Chris. Who’s Chris? Is it that random guy I see with everyone else? No, that’s the throwaway character Will from last episode. Pacey then says the boat’s name, True Love, while looking right at Joey. Subtle. He then smashes the bottle over the boat, though Buzz is sitting on said boat just feet away. Babysitter fail.

The guy on the far left, is that Chris?

The guy on the far left has defied expectations: two episodes!

But in the next scene Dawson is in the library and the bland Will guy comes and wants to know what Dawson and Joey did on their first date to get ideas for Andie. Weird, may as well ask, “So, how did that failed romance with Joey start out?” Dawson offers Will the use of his boat because why not? Dawson says tonight he’ll be trying to hook up with an old friend.

I looked him up. He was in last episode, this one, and next and that’s it. Huh. Well, enjoy the boat, buddy, ’cause your stay on this show is short.

At Jen’s, Henry’s complaining that he’s not allowed in the house. He starts to kiss her, Jen sees Dawson coming and literally shoos Henry inside without a word of explanation. Then she closes the door on him to talk to Dawson. Poor Henry, no respect. And just what kind of an interaction is this? Any normal person would immediately open the door and be like, “Uh, aren’t you coming in, too?”

But that doesn’t happen and Jen starts talking about the terrible news that Pacey gave him. She does so in a way that suggests she thought he was told and was over looking for comfort, but… eh, that doesn’t seem believable because who does that, you know, just assumes so much and spills important private information without gauging the person first? Oh wait, the writers make people do that. Right.

But Dawson’s like, uh, what? And then Jen clams up, like oh shit, whoops, and Dawson is able to guess almost immediately. He’s now mad at Jen in a kill-the-messenger sort of way and storms off.

And now we re-watch the part where Joey comes through the window and Dawson gives her the bit about the movie people’s friendships being destroyed. Only this time we see Dawson’s reaction as she leaves, and he takes her abrupt departure as confirmation of what Jen halfway told him. And we see him watching Joey and Pacey hold hands arguing about telling Dawson about them.

And now we get to see the aftermath of the reveal. Dawson throws Jen under the bus first. Then he tells Pacey he’s not going to have any friends left. And now here’s Andie and Will, either to pick up or drop off the boat, I suppose. And Dawson lets Andie know Pacey and Joey are involved.

An angry face to rival Joey's normal face.

An angry face to rival Joey’s normal face.

After Dawson disappears back into the house after his angry rant, we see a replay of him leaving Jen’s house, so now I guess we’ll get her perspective. At least Joey’s not narrating again.

So, Henry pops out the door just as Dawson is leaving in a huff, having been in there for a few minutes, just standing there, I guess? Jen vaguely tells him what just happened and after briefly consoling her, he goes in for the kiss. She’s like, WTF? And he tells her his abrupt kisses aren’t improving her mood because she’s not giving it a chance and then tries again. Uh, whoa. Creep?

Jen’s like, don’t you care what just happened? Don’t you want to know? And Henry’s like, no, I wanna make out, not talk about your dramatic friends. Jen shows him the door. Then he calls her irrational, which couldn’t be a ruder thing to say in this moment. Jen gives him the boot and he leaves.

Out on the lake, it’s nighttime and Andie’s on her date with Will. He tells her a depressing Greek myth.

Then they show up at Dawson’s place, just as the shit is hitting the fan. Joey runs after Dawson and Andie asks Pacey if it’s true he’s with Joey. And then she tells him Joey will never love him the way she loves Dawson, but it all just sounds like self-pity that he loves Joey instead of her. Will, meanwhile, is watching this shit show and wondering what the fuck he wandered into.

Upstairs, Dawson is laying into Joey, and is making, I must say, valid points. She wants to find herself, but thinks Pacey is the answer? Joey says things between them are complicated, but Dawson says only because she made them that way.

She tries to say her thing with Pacey has nothing to do with him (Good luck with that argument) and Dawson effective tells her being with Pacey means he won’t be her friend. Which, we all saw that coming because we’re people. But Joey is like, WHAT?!

Wat U MEAN NO friends?!

Y U MEAN NO friends?!

And then she screams, “That is not fair!” Okay, really? The fight ends with her climbing down the ladder.

Later on, Dawson’s brooding in his dark bedroom, no doubt torturing himself with thoughts of Joey and Pacey doin’ stuff, and Jen walks in to comfort him. Dawson, having relived his anger at the correct target is now just disappointed Jen didn’t tell him earlier.

Jen tells him there’s nothing anyone can do in a situation like this, that it has to run its course and he has to let her go. Dawson thinks you can fight. (No, no you can’t.)

Joey goes to meet Pacey at his boat and– oh fuck off– says, “Have you ever had one of those days you wish you could live all over again?” We get it. Enough.

But it’s so poorly worded. No, it was a terrible day. Why re-live it? Re-do maybe.

They talk a little about their shitty day, about the boat and then Pacey asks if Joey’s ending it, and she is.

So just to get this straight, immediately after Pacey and Dawson’s friendship is destroyed, she’s ending the relationship so she can still be friends with Dawson, leaving Pacey in the dust with no best friend or girlfriend for his troubles.

Most Annoying Articulation: “Have you ever had one of those days you wish you could live all over again?”

Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 3, Episode 19 –Stolen Kisses

ARE YOU READY FOR SPRING BREAK!?

Because Joey and the Dawson are going to spend this break at his Auntie’s house. Pacey shows up with this week’s soon-to-be-forgotten extra, Will. They fill in his backstory: playground pal who came to see his dear friend Pacey. Pacey and Will are coming on the trip, and Andie toddles over and she is coming too.

Don't get attached

Don’t get attached

Pacey and Joey are awks as hell so I take it there has been no more nookie.

ROLL CREDITS

The Dawson restaurant is way busy. Jen and Mushroom Cut Henry canoodle at the table. One of the waitresses walks right up to Jen and starts fantasizing about Jen’s boyfriend. Rather than mention this tidbit, Jen lets her go full graphic and then sends her away.

THAT BOY IS MINE

THAT BOY IS MINE

At some diner, the group helps establish Will’s character some more. Will thinks Salinger is a god. Then they give Auntie’s backstory. She is a total hipster artist who does YOGA(!) and everything.

At the restaurant, some lady with big hair lets the Dawsons know she is recently widowed. For this reason, Momma Dawson doesn’t want to tell her about their decimated marriage.

she looks like an actual cow licked her hair

she looks like an actual cow licked her hair

Dawson arrives at his aunt’s house and she is rocking out and painting and being too cool to actually be a grown up. Also, apparently they have started calling Jack “Jackers” on the reg.

BECAUSE I'M WACKY

BECAUSE I’M WACKY

There’s nowhere for Pacey and Joey to sleep so they need to share a bed—whaaaa?

In the morning Pacey and Joey are totally about to have a moment, but then Auntie enthusiasm calls the “sleepyheads” down for breakfast.

Andie is her usual cunt self at the breakfast table.

The Dawsons talk about their dead friend in the kitchen while some guy in a chef hat does some work.

Jen don’t like sharing her man with the waitress. Rather than say anything Jen assigns the waitress double work. Mushroom Cut calls her on her blinding jealousy and she is like no. ways.

WHAT IS ANDIE WEARING ON HER HEAD?

ugh

ugh

The gang ropes in some pool sharks by continuously missing shots, and knocking the balls off the table. And I SWEAR TO GAWD every single show of this era had to do a pool episode.

90s pool shark

90s pool shark

90s pool shark

90s pool shark

Dawson and Joey give Auntie the DL on their relationship status. Of course Joey name drops Pacey. And everyone is like, what does he have to do with anything?

Will figures out the smart way of shutting Andie up

(Hint: It’s $$)

Well-framed shot of Dawson and Joey having yet another heart-to-heart. Then Joey has a heart-to-heart with the Auntie.

nice shot

nice shot

At the restaurant, Henry runs to Jen to tell her that the waitress “offered him sex”. Jen gets pissed at him, and tells him to go ahead and make a million babies with her.

Andie has a heart-to-heart with Will on the deck. PS He’s poor or his dad beats his mom or something sad.

Dawsons are having further relationship discussions as their staff toil in the kitchen.

FINALLY Jen tells the slut girl that Mushroom Cut is her man, and the whole restaurant is like what just happened?

Andie sings the worst karaoke ever and Pacey comes in a close second. Then Joey and Dawson sing Daydream Believer together and Pacey looks pissy and leaves.

THEN Joey and Pacey have a heart to heart. PS She’s like into him as well.

He threatens to kiss her and gives her 10 seconds to stop him. She makes a really scary face. Then they kiss. Auntie Dawson clears her throat really loud. Because she is Team Dawson for obvious reasons. She tells Joey to tell Dawson the truth.

Now Andie and Pacey are having a heart-to-heart. PS She likes Will.

Mushroom Cut finds Jen in like a giant storage closet or something. She is crying, which makes her feel like a girl. The kid explains to her that being jealous is kinda human and she is sad because he is breaking down all of her walls and whatever. They kiss and make up.

The Dawsons watch their wedding video. I think maybe the dead guy was on the tape or something? They hold hands and then dance. So who knows if that means they are together or they still love each other or they are good friends. It’s to Daydream Believer, I guess, so the Creek can get the most mileage out of the song after paying for the rights?

Joey is going to tell Dawson she wants to bang his bestie, but then Auntie barges in with a painting she made of Dawson and Joey as tots. DAYDREAM BELIEVER AGAIN.

Joey sits with Pacey by the fire and he says he won’t kiss her again. He wants to know how she feels and they have a heart-to-heart. He says she doesn’t like him as much as he likes her and then she kisses him.

make out face

make out face

OMG AND DAYDREAM BELIEVER AGAIN.

They must have really forked out on that song.

I need to swap out MVA for MOST AWESOME ARTICULATION–Pacey: “Joey get in bed. And while you’re at it, get over yourself!”

Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 3, Episode 18 – Neverland

Well, here we are, opening scene, and Pacey is laying one on Joey.

Smoochey

Smoochey

And then Pacey breaks away and on the next beat, Joey is pushing him around and yelling and acting like it was a one-sided thing when the photo above suggests otherwise. She then rants about the huge implications of that kiss on their universe. If the writers of this show understand anything well, it’s the massive ego of the average asshole teenager.

Pacey says a kiss is just a kiss, and you let me do it, so hush. But Joey’s like, what about Dawson? And now she wants to walk home now, even though Pacey is hollering at her to get in the car. And of course she’s all walking her ass home in the cold with him driving slowly alongside her pleading, and this is obviously not about actually walking home in a fit of righteous indignation, but rather about punishing him by wasting his time.

$5 says she gets back in the car.

And she does.

Yep.

Yep. Back in the car. 10 seconds.

And with a rousing game of “Fine.” “Fine!” FINE!” they’re off, not speaking to each other and the opening credits roll.

So now Pacey and Joey are talking to big sibs Bess and Doug about the kiss in the style of Grease’s he-said, she-said song Summer Lovin’. Pacey did this, Joey did that. And just to bring another movie into it, Doug compares Pacey’s situation to Speed (In this terrible metaphor, Joey is the bus. I guess not everyone in Capeside is a gifted linguist).

Oh, Joey and Bess were discussing it over making a big breakfast, scrambled eggs and pancakes. I thought they were cooking that for guests at the B&B, but nope. Are there no guests at this place?

Anyhoo, Bess is like, n’ah, can’t help you, sorry. Doug tells Pacey to diffuse the bomb that is Dawson and then he can be with Joey. Pfft. Good luck, jerk! Doug actually thinks Pacey can get Dawson to say that his friendship with him means more than his feelings for Joey. Oh, and that he’ll be happy Pacey told him. Doug’s pretty stupid.

Andy and Jack are eating cereal outside and Andy’s obnoxiously complaining about her bad shower and having two tests that day. Jack is excited Ethan’s coming for the weekend. Except that his homophobic dad’s home instead of gone like planned. Whoops.

At school, Jen is telling Henry she knows about his birthday and has a plan to celebrate it. Henry looks like he’s holding in a huge fart. He says there’s a family thing so he can’t, and no friends are invited. He couldn’t look more like a liar right now.

Is she buying this shit?

Is she buying this shit?

And right on cue, a football player comes around the corner and is like, “Hey, see you at your party tomorrow!” And Jen’s like, uh, you’re having a birthday party and not inviting me? She leaves for class, wicked pissed and Henry offers no explanation. If this were me, this relationship would be o-v-e-r.

In the cafeteria, Pacey sits down with Dawson (With Joey watching from a distance) and Dawson’s telling him how their old stomping ground is going to be bulldozed. Hey… do you think that’s going to be where Pacey wants to tell Dawson about Joey? Hmmm… So very subtle.

Joey, meanwhile, is sitting with Andie, ex-girlfriend to the guy she just kissed, who thinks Joey’s acting weird. I was just thinking, I don’t know how many friendships could survive Andie’s false rape accusation or her general shrillness. It’s like she gets a re-set button every episode for how much shit everyone is willing to put up with.

Pacey suggests to Dawson they go camping at their old fort before it’s gone, and Dawson thinks it’s just a fun thing to do instead of the swift stab to his heart that Pacey’s got planned.

Jen sits down with the girls and says her boyfriend’s a liar. And no one asks for follow-up. That’s cold. Jen then says she has a bad track record with boys. And STILL no one asks what’s up. Then fucking Andie says other girls don’t have these kinds of problems like they do (Only these teenagers struggle with romance, obvs) because they don’t have girls nights out.

Pretty sure that’s not the issue, but Andie’s an idiot.

I have bad ideas!

I have bad ideas!

She says she needs female bonding and so do they, and since they’re so objectionable that no one else wants their company, it’s on. Henry walks into the cafeteria, sees Jen and makes no attempt at amends. Pretty odd for a guy that nearly stalked her all year. Ooh, I love you, I need you! But don’t come to my birthday party!

At Jack’s house, Pa rolls up early, just in time to see Ethan arrive. He wants a word with his gay son about his gay guest. Jack basically tells him to shove it, he’s not sending his buddy away, and walks off triumphant.

This Buzz kid from last episode is back. I didn’t see him the first time around, but just one minute in and he’s sort of a dick. And I usually really like kids. Actually, I tend to hate kids on TV because TV writers and directors seem to think kids who are precocious assholes are charming. Buzz guilts Pacey about having plans to go camping with his friend without him.

At Jen’s house, Andie’s like, FACIALS! PEDICURES! Boy, she sure knows her audience. She runs away to get what’s needed and Jen and Joey vaguely discuss the absent boys because that’s all they ever really talk about. Jen tells Joey she’s available as a confidante to whatever mysterious shenanigans she’s gotten into. Jen once tried to steal her boyfriend so I don’t know why they’re still trying this friendship thing. Speaking of getting a re-set button.

At Jack’s, he’s planning an innocent game of chess with Ethan. His dad strolls in with a drink and asks to play. And I’m wondering if he understands the concept of chess. Jack tells him to buzz off and quit spying.

Dawson and Joey are hitting up their old hideout and actually it’s a pretty spiffy little structure that makes me want to go back in time and pretend to be a pirate.

Yarr, we stopped playing here when we were 14!

Yarr, we stopped playing here when we were 14!

Dawson takes the moment to say the fort is just ordinary, though he remembered it bigger, so maybe his whole life is just ordinary. (He did experience that epic haunting no one ever talks about, which is rather extraordinary, but who cares about that since it was 11 episodes ago?)

While Dawson’s having an existential crisis brought on by a dilapidated fort, Pacey’s decided now is the right time to bring up Joey. He starts rambling, but stops when Dawson hears a rattling noise. It’s a load of boys on bikes coming right for them. It’s Buzz, who brought two friends to crash the camping trip. Dawson at least looks amused.

The girls now have masks on, only Andie is enjoying it, they’re complaining about boys, and reminiscing about childhood when they could play with boys. Nothing about this episode passes the Bechdel Test. Jen subtly tries to nudge the conversation to what’s been bugging Joey, and she in turn changes the subject entirely to favourite childhood places.

Nyah, nyah!

Nyah, nyah!

Joey says she liked the roller rink, and that prompts Jen to bring out mystery pink gift bags.

At Jack’s house, Ethan diplomatically asks Mr. McPhee to have dinner with them. Jack is unimpressed.

At the camp site, Pacey tells the boys he’s talked to their parents, and before I could ask how he managed to do that, he says, “A 10-year-old with a cell phone is just plain wrong.” Oh man, would he shit his pants today. Though he’s right, a kid that age with a cell in the year 2000 is bullshit.

Dawson tries to tell the kids the plots to movies and the party-crashing boys shit all over it, demanding something original. So he starts telling them a “true” ghost story about a creepy guy named Max who lived in a nearby shed. Not that I thought this would come up twice, but, dude, just tell the Witch Island story! Come on! I’d be telling that one every damn day.

Meanwhile, with the girls, for some reason this is happening:

Bonding!

Bonding!

Okay, so Andie is wearing a hairstyle from the ’40s, and the girls are all glammed up with makeup and boas, and they’re rollerskating in their fucking pyjamas. And they’re just talking boy stuff again, la-dee-da. Joey and Jen look like polished slobs, but Andie is in a silky nightgown. She and Joey take another turn around the rink.

Jen takes a break and notices Henry is hitting a piñata in a party room nearby. So, she walks on over in her PJ and boa and says, “Henry?” The party stops and everyone is staring at her like she’s crazy, which is to be expected when you leave the house looking like the party stops at your neck.

At dinner, Ethan is getting Pa to talk about his old beloved car, obviously building bridges and such. Pa suggests going to a car museum that’s opened lated. Jack is sulking.

At the camp site the boys are sleeping, obviously not too upset about Dawson’s ghost story. Pacey digs up their old time capsule and they go through it. Among various things they find a picture of Joey and the loyalty oath they wrote the day they became blood brothers. Well, this certainly sets the scene well for the “I made out with the love of your life” conversation Pacey wanted to have.

At the roller rink, turns out it was a family birthday party, and Henry’s embarrassed about how juvenile it is, to the point he never bothered to explain the situation and risked her dumping him (Makes sense). Jen’s like, I look like a glossy hobo and you’re embarrassed? Henry says he’ll understand if Jen never wants to talk to him again and zooms off. Jen catches up and tell him she took back his birthday present in a fit of rage and bought angry chick music instead.

At the car museum, Jack is over it and takes Ethan aside and loudly tells him he doesn’t want to spend any more time with the shitty dad who hates him. The shitty dad approaches and says he’s going home. He says he cancelled his business trip to spend time together and is all “I’m not the father you want or need.” Which is all well and good as far as guilt trips go, but he’s been a raging asshole up to this point so…?

At the camp side, Dawson is talking about how he can always be sure of his friendships with Pacey and Joey. Jesus, the writers are really laying it on thick. Usually when you deliver bad news there aren’t any ironic segues beforehand. Normal people drop bombs after talking about lunch or their day at work. Just when you think it isn’t awkward enough, Dawson calls Joey his soulmate.

At Jack’s place, the boys are getting ready for bed, Ethan is setting up a cot and he wants to talk about what happened. Jack is pissed his dad made it look like he’s the victim. Ethan is telling him he needs to work at patching things up with his dad because they’re both victims.

This is the least believable storyline in this whole pile. “Oh, your coming out was met with practically being disowned and shunned in your own house, subjecting you to a year of emotional abuse by your father? As a fellow gay man, I think you should work harder on your relationship with your dad because you need each other!” Pfft. Come on. Ethan hasn’t gots the empathy.

Also, Ethan is telling Jack to stop being angry, which I imagine is hard to do when you’re still living with the person who thinks you’re a stain on the family’s good name. Ethan, go home.

At the girls’ slumber party, Andie is getting ready for bed and Joey confides in Jen that Pacey kissed her. Jen’s like, well, I saw that coming a mile away. She thinks Joey has feelings for Pacey because she clearly does.

Jack goes downstairs to talk to his dad, who is attending to business matters the old school way: out of a briefcase, with a pen and calculator. He may be a hot shot, but he’s also a dinosaur.

lap...top? Com...puter?

Lap…top? Com…puter?

Jack wants to know why the 360 all of a sudden with wanting to spend time with him (Even though he tried to send Ethan home initially). His dad says his colleague has a real shitty son who fails out of school and steals things, so Jack being gay isn’t that bad. So they start playing chess.

Everyone leaves the camp site and Buzz is bugging Pacey to buy him snacks. They run into Joey and Pacey bribes Buzz with sugar to leave them alone. He apologizes for kissing her, she says she overreacted and they both are now totally into each other but say they’re just friends. On the way home, Buzz calls Pacey out. I hate that kid, and I hope this is the last we see of him.

Most Verbose Articulation Joey: “Do you have any idea the monumental implications of that meaningless little impulse? The ripple effect it could create in our small but fragile universe?”

Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 3, Episode 16 – To Green, With Love

Opening scene, it’s a vigorous PTA meeting and tons of people are up in arms about this issue surrounding Principal Green. It’s all about the guy, Matt Caulfield, who ruined Joey’s painting. Superintendent Fielding says Green makes these calls. And it seems many people about passionate about whether Matt deserved an expulsion for vandalism, but his dad is grandstanding to little applause, and a lady at the table upfront calls him a crappy parent and the crowd agrees.

Joey stands up to say good things about Green and Matt’s dad infers her family is an immoral pile. Dawson’s yelling now, everyone’s in chaos and Fielding wants everyone to shut up. I’d like to point out there are some ugly-ass outfits in this joint.

Note the ugly fashion to your right.

Note the ugly fashion to your right.

And then out of nowhere the guy says he’s giving Green till Friday to change his decision. 1 minute he ago, he was all, “Green can do what he wants!” And all the people who applauded the lady telling Mr. Caulfield off are now applauding this new plan to stick it to Green. What just happened? And why do these people care about someone else’s asshole kid getting expelled for vandalism?

Credits

There’s a reporter covering this story and it’s a former intern of Gail’s named Sherry. They exchange tense pleasantries for about 10 seconds before Sherry gives Gail a backhanded compliment implying she’s old and dried up. Then she reveals she thinks Green’s a wacko. One more rude comment about Gail and she’s off.

Joey and Pacey are walking home and he’s telling her she could rally the troops to support Green. She thinks teenagers only care about Playstation and TRL. The Real Life? Oh, kids those days.

At home Joey’s on the phone with her square boyfriend, AJ, who echoes what Pacey said about causes needing a leader. Then he mocks the name Pacey. “What kind of name is Pacey?” Well, his dad does hate him, so…

Bess interrupts to get Joey to watch a news report. There being no PVR, it’s now or never. Sherry then gives very Fox Newsy coverage about Green, editorializing and posting clips out of context. AJ pushes her to act.

Next day she’s taping up poster after poster about saving Green from being fired. Pacey follows her and throws himself roses for coming up with the idea, and Joey’s like, n’ah, it was AJ. And he’s there, hanging around a high school with nothing better to do in the middle of the day, and Joey introduces him to Pacey. He leads with the charming comment of, “Oh, the one with the funny name.”

I don't like you.

I don’t like you.

Suddenly a random girl pops in and she’s like, Green’s coming, you gotta see this! And outside there’s a bunch of protestors chanting in front of a news crew, all harassing Green as he comes onto school property.

It’s evening now and Dawson is helping his mom with restaurant stuff. And Gail wants to know how the meeting went and Dawson goes on about how inspiring it was. And I guess we don’t get to see that part? Is Ms. Holme’s range not capable of hitting those notes or were the writers feeling lazy?

Gail laments that the story is being covered by a hack. Dawson says they should do a news report to do a better job. He thinks it only takes a video camera rather than a crew these days. Sure, why not.

At a protest Joey’s organized, Gail’s prepping her for an interview, AJ’s thanking Pacey for bringing coffee and talking to him about how great Joey is and what a natural leader, and Sherry shows up demanding answers. She then wants a follow-up interview with Joey, who quickly replied, “In your frosted-blonde dreams, Barbie.”

Soon Fielding wants to see Joey, and she’s like, uh, me? Yeah, you, the one whose mural was vandalized and who brought this protest to his workplace. Pacey thinks Feilding’s a jerk who will only threaten her, while AJ thinks she should go in. So she goes in.

They briefly greet each other before Fielding gets down to business, stating that he knows she’s responsible for the “dissonant clamouring” going on outside, and succeeds in being the first likely person on this show to be speaking like a pretentious Harvard graduate.

When Fielding starts trying to intimidate her, Joey starts bluffing: Petition with 300 signatures, a rally that will dwarf the one from yesterday. Fielding says to go back to school before she’s given detention for cutting class and Joey’s like, well, I called in sick, so there!

Gail and Dawson show up at Green’s to interview him (Is the school day over then?), having only spoken to Nikki, which is stupid because Gail should know better about how to secure a source. And Green says no, he’s not going on TV to prove nothing to nobody. Nikki tries quoting Dr. King, but that cuts no ice with her dad.

Pacey is now giving Joey flack for inventing a petition with 300 signatures because he doubts their school even has 300 students. *Sigh* How big or small is this fucking place? It’s got a film studies class and a pretty stacked equipment room full of gear. All for less than 300 students?

Anyway, Pacey’s saying a petition is easy enough to fake or trick people, but not the rally. AJ’s like, we need solutions! But has has none to suggest. Then Jen dives in and says Pacey’s set up “the internet” to post something on the school’s website and Andie’s doing it the old-fashioned way. I don’t know why anyone thinks Joey’s the person with all the natural leadership, when time after time Jen and even the awful Andie are the ones always getting shit done while Joey gets all cynical about life.

Jack’s now approaching with a sad flyer for the rally, showcasing what you could do with a laptop and minimal know-how in the year 2000:

Graphic design, here I come!

Graphic design, here I come!

Amid concerns of how to pay for 500 copies, turns out Pacey managed to talk a store manager into printing it for free. Though… would it really be that expensive to just print out yourself? Or am I just forgetting how lame technology was 15 years ago?

Joey and AJ seem impressed, which is nice since they’ve just been standing there being important while everyone else does all the work. But then she calls everyone’s attention, gives a very weak pep talk and is given applause for telling them all there’s no time for sleep.

AJ then strokes Joey’s ego and she strokes his right back and they kiss, and they have no chemistry at all. Pacey’s watching, bummed out and jealous and Jen wants to know if he’s okay. He’s obviously not, but says he is.

While Joey and AJ are rubbing foreheads like horny swans, Bess tells them that she got a call telling her allowing the B&B to be used to fight the man isn’t going to be good for her business. Joey’s like, uh, huh? I don’t get it. And Bess says she never does.

Joey tries to tell Bess it was probably just Matt, and look, it’s Bodie! Hello, sir, nice to see you.

Bess wants Joey to knock it off already before they lose the B&B, and Joey says no way, she’s gonna change this town. Bess doesn’t want her doing it at her place of business, which is actually a pretty good point. In the brochure it could say: a lovely view of the lake, excellent food and occasional protest headquarters.

Then the conversation takes a turn when Joey is talking about Caulfield’s agenda, and Bodie says this is all because Green is black. People might still be mad, but they wouldn’t be making threatening phone calls if he were a white principal. Well, if anyone knows what the jerks in this town feel about the handful of black people they have, I guess Bodie would. And Bess is still pissed, but Bodie’s won Joey’s argument. Bess leaves in a huff, the remaining white people look awkwardly at Bodie, who leaves to talk to his lady.

AJ is there, having heard the last of the fight and Joey’s like, good thing you’re not a paying guest or this would be more awkward. She didn’t seem to concerned about paying guests when she took over the B&B this evening.

And he’s leaving. He’s got college shit to do. Joey doesn’t want him to go, but you know, so what? He says she’s got good people around her, even Pacey.

Even Pacey? Surely you jest.

Even Pacey? Surely you jest.

Joey’s like, ugh, really? And, okay, what an ass. Like, he has been encouraging, getting coffee, advising, talking to businesses, and this is nothing? All AJ’s done is hold her hand and stand around.

And in the next scene, the unappreciated Pacey is out in the cold stapling up posters for the rally. Jen is there and wants him to talk about his feelings for Joey. He’d rather just quietly brood and do her bidding. But says if he hypothetically was falling for the worst person he could fall for, what could he do about it. And Jen’s wisdom is… “do something.” Helpful! (PS, don’t take love advice from trainwrecks.)

Gail and Dawson are now talking about journalistic standards and for once Gail is imparting some sensible information about not choosing what information to cover. She says a good journalist knows how to ask the right questions.

And then she goes into Fielding’s office, interviews him and makes him look like an asshole with the right questions. And this marks the first time I don’t think Gail is a waste of time. He ends the interview and leaves.

At the Green house, Nikki is out the door to the rally, and Green doesn’t want to go with her. Basically he’s pissed off and he believes if Caulfield sees it, he’ll use it as a way to paint him as an angry radical, but does not say why he feels this way. Other than Bodie, it seems no one wants to talk openly about this perhaps having a racial undertone.

At the rally, it’s full and apparently all due to Pacey. And then there he is up at the mic, saying it’s Joey who brought them all together. She’s like this figurehead who just has to show up places and give insipid speeches.

And she gives her speech, and it’s okay, but then she makes a weak joke that gets a laugh it doesn’t deserve. She wants everyone to stand up and talk about what their principal means to them. And honestly, that’s not much of a rally. Have some passionate speakers organized to get up there and work the crowd’s outrage into a frenzy and then go march.

But no, Andie gets up and blah blah blah… This looks way more like a support group than a rally. BO-RING! And Green shows up. He says he’ll probably be leaving ’cause he’s not changing his mind, but thanks and all.

I’m going to level with y’all. This episode sucks. It’s seriously boring. I actually stopped watching for awhile to find and watch the opening credits to The Littlest Hobo***

After the “rally” Jen is asking Pacey about how he feels, which is not good, and Joey hasn’t even thanked him.

Leaving, Joey realizes Bess showed up after all and isn’t pissed anymore about Joey’s politics wreaking havoc on the family business.

So I was just like, whatevs.

So I was just like, whatevs.

At the school, Green is packing up his stuff and Joey comes into his office feeling guilty that her shitty rally wasn’t able to stop Fielding. So, she wants reassurance and praise from Green before he goes.

On the way out, a bunch of students are waiting for him.

Oh Captain, my Captain

Oh Captain, my Captain

And he leaves the school with Nikki to a round of applause and some cheesy country music.

At the restaurant, Gail tells Dawson the station is going to run their story, and also that they offered her the opportunity to do more and she turned them down. Turns out, she didn’t want back in, she just wanted the chance to say no.

Outside, Pacey has dragged Joey to a wall that he has rented for her to paint. He hands her a paint brush and a can of paint and leaves her, saying she’s getting no more of his help, so get cracking. How strangely romantic and pushy. But he gets his thank you, so good for him.

Most Verbose Articulation: Pacey. “I have it on pretty good authority that my rough charms don’t really register on her rarefied romantic palate.”

***