Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 5, Episode 10 – Appetite For Destruction

Jack, Audrey, Joey and Pacey are at Grams’ house and Pacey’s making dinner and Audrey’s being annoying and useless. Joey asks Jack where Dawson and Jen are, and he replies a lie they told about soaking up the atmosphere.

But actually now they’re just outside and Dawson is zipping up something on his Jeep. He has a Jeep? He’s, like, 19 and barely even a student. Fuck him and his Jeep.

Outside the house, Jen is worrying a bit about how to tell people about their new relationship thing, and Dawson is all high on the newfound wonders of sex so he gives no shits. He’s like, meh to other people, let’s just enjoy what we’re doing.

But whatever, they come inside and kiss and everyone pops out to get a peek.

We like to watch.

We like to watch.

Pacey and Jack look pretty jazzed for Dawson, as the menfolk are wont to be when they see a virgin pal of theirs finally get some. But let me guess… Joey’s not going to like it!

CREDITS

Everyone’s awkwardly and silently eating their dinner, complete with candlelight. As mentioned, the dudes were fine with this and Audrey has no social graces, so everyone must be on eggshells for fucking Joey.

They make uncomfortable small talk and then Audrey smashes risotto on her shirt on purpose and drags Joey away from the table to “help” her with it.

In the bathroom, Joey brushes off the kiss she saw as no big deal like, oh, they had a fun weekend, who cares? And Audrey’s like, nononono, they’re totally doing it. And now Joey looks upset, bu insists she has no reaction about it.

Jen then excuses herself from the table and is sticking to the rice pretence. She knocks on the bathroom door and offers Audrey a spare shirt and she accepts and leaves Joey in there.

Back at the dinner table, Pacey takes the wordy lead and attempts to extract info out of Dawson about his weekend with Jen, and in a roundabout way inquires about the sex. Joey comes out of the bathroom and walks off. Dawson says he’s not talking about it and follows Joey.

When he’s gone, Jack’s like, he totally did it. Pacey’s not sure because it’s Dawson they’re talking about, but Jack’s sure because he knows Jen. Then they mention they’ve both nearly slept with Jen and Pacey’s like, what does it take then? Jack says, a virgin straight guy.

In the kitchen, Dawson is giving Joey the Reader’s Digest version of how things happened with Jen, what with the honeymoon suite, and that there’s no graceful way to have this conversation. Joey’s all, what conversation? It was just a kiss.

Uh, honeymoon suite?

Yeah, so someone else actually wanted to sleep with me? So...

Yeah, so someone else actually wanted to sleep with me? So…

Joey then realizes Dawson lost his virginity to Jen rather than hang onto it indefinitely for her, and she’s like, let’s not make this a thing. Then she leaves the kitchen and it’s totally going to be a thing.

At the table, Pacey announces there’s more courses to come and insists they be eaten. He gets up to get them, Joey offers help, which is declined, which is forced on him anyway, and Audrey and Jack jump up to run into the kitchen too.

Dawson and Jen talk about how everyone knows and they have a little intimate moment that Audrey witnesses through a crack in the door and makes a face. Well, quit watching! Heck.

They all then talk loudly in the kitchen in a way Dawson and Jen would totally be able to hear, and try again to leave the dinner. Audrey mocks Pacey’s roast chicken in the oven and Joey wants him to take it out early to get the dinner over with faster, and then Jack agrees and Pacey actually agrees to this like no chef ever fucking would. And that shit would not fly with the hipsters of today. Serve improperly cooked chicken? Rather than muscle through some awkwardness in a quaint century home with vintage china and a properly and deliciously cooked lemon chicken? Pfft, fucking amateurs.

Joey comes out of the kitchen and Dawson gets up to go into it. Jen tells Joey she didn’t plan this romance. Joey tells Jen she’s a good person and this is exactly what Dawson needs– right now. Yeah, that little bit at the end sorta adds some snotty subtext, if you ask me.

At the table, Pacey’s getting some grief about the chicken not being done. Fucking hell… THIS IS WHAT YOU ASKED FOR.

Uh, the undercooked chicken I asked for is too undercooked!

Uh, the undercooked chicken I asked for is too undercooked!

Oh, and get a load of the dish:

Why couldn't you wait?!

Why couldn’t you wait?!

These are the most ungrateful friends, like, ever. Push a guy to ruin his entree and then complain about the entree, which would’ve been amazing had they not been such dicks.

Dawson reveals he’s learned about a film school in Boston that he’s now checking out. Jack suggests he move into Grams’ (With Jen!) and everyone snickers and Dawson says it’s a possibility and Audrey then flips more food on her shirt to drag Joey away again. This girl is off her gourd.

In the kitchen, Joey’s like quit throwing food on yourself and dragging me away. Audrey wants her to spill her guts and Joey says if her heart was broken by this she’d have no right to feel that way. Which actually I agree. She jerked him around for years and now he’s finally with someone else.

The doorbell rings and Jen answers it. And it’s Charlie making puppy dog eyes.

Everyone minus Jen and Charlie are sitting down to dinner for the salad course, and Jack’s talking smack about Charlie. Dawson gets up to see what the hold-up is, and perhaps to protect his turf.

Pacey tries to stop him, again with wordy reasons that make lots of sense but which no 19-year-old boy would ever say (About appearing needy and sizing up the competition), and Dawson is not persuaded. He pops his head out and Jen says she’ll be back in one minute.

Charlie gives her back a T-shirt and says he and Nora aren’t together now. Wow, a romance option to be second choice! Buddy, you’re not that good looking. Jen’s like, nope, I gots a Dawson. Charlie leaves and Jen returns to the table.

Now Joey is a little bothered by some subtle PDA and goes for more salad in the kitchen so now Dawson gets up again and follows her. Shit, just get through this dinner already. Everyone’s getting up and down instead of eating this fancy homecooked meal.

Now Jack wants to change the music so he asks Jen to get up. Ugh! they go to the CD player (Hee!) and he starts giving her guff about the timing of this new relationship like it’s any of his business. Then the conversation shifts to the deteriorating quality of their relationship. Jen says he even used to know how she liked her coffee and now they’re distant. I blame the frat shit.

At the table, only Pacey and Audrey remain and I gotta say he’s pretty zen about the major disrespect his friends are paying him with bailing on this dinner even though they’re all still in the house.

In the kitchen, Joey is not getting more salad, she’s washing a dish over and over. Dawson tells her she doesn’t have to pretend to be fine if she’s not fine. And then she asks if he misses her, and there’s this distance and, lady, you tried to break up with him via voicemail message.

He tries to explain that basically his feelings changed after his dad died (I’m thinking he just no longer had any energy for her hot/cold come here/go away shit?) and that going away with Jen felt great, like starting over.

Joey’s like, you couldn’t start over with me? And he tells her being around her hurts now because there’s too much associated with her. (Plus she’s a dick).

It’s finally dessert and Pacey’s serving up a wicked good-looking chocolate cake. Joey asks if there’s “expresso” in the centre. They start talking about how far apart they’ve grown. Jack takes the opportunity to pour cream in Jen’s coffee. Then they talk about how lucky they are to still all know each other after high school.

Then Grams shows up, looking pleased her lace tablecloth is being used for a dinner party. Audrey, who’s been complaining about a lack of a Grams all night, finally gets to meet her.

Before Grams goes to bed with a slice of chocolate cake, she tells Dawson it’s too late for him to go home so he’ll spend the night with them. Oooohhhwoooooo!

And just like that, the dinner party breaks up. Joey, Audrey and Jack leave the party and the clean-up. Pacey, who cooked all day on his day off when it’s not even his house, starts the cleaning.

In the kitchen, Jen wants to know if Pacey has any commentary about her relationship and, no, he just wants her to be happy. Jen then tells him not to clean up because she and Dawson will do it.

Outside, Pacey catches up with the three and Audrey drags Jack off to go to a gay bar.

Pacey and Joey talk about finding themselves, or something, and Joey admits she was happy someone else would take care of Dawson for awhile, but that she didn’t like feeling replaced.

And there it is. That ain’t love. It’s something, sure, but not love.

Jen shows Dawson an attic room. This massive house that Jack isn’t even living in anymore and he gets the attic?

They talk and snuggle on the twin bed. Probably no sex at Grams’ house.

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Delayed Post

So… there was both a Federal election last night AND an important Blue Jays playoff game. Canada was a little busy, and being in Canada, I was far too preoccupied with baseball and ridings to review a Dawson’s Creek.

But I’ll get to it, and soon! (Not now, but soon!)

Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 5, Episode 9 – “Four Scary Stories” Or, if you prefer, TREEHOUSE OF HORROR GOT NUTTIN ON ME

Full moon alert. Joey, Pacey, and Jack are returning from a scary movie, and ripping it to shreds. Pacey calls Joey a skittish kitten which is cute-ish. This has all the makings of a halloween special…except I looked it up and it originally aired in…December. Nonetheless, Joey goes for food, and follows noises and a basketball goes flying down the stairs and then she is locked out. Don’t fret. Just a prank.

Credits.

As the gang eats all of Grams’ food, Joey starts to tell them a scary story to prove she isn’t a fraidy cat:

Joey is explaining to roomie why she has to study on halloween (she can’t get her course reserve any. other. time.) Audrey is dressed as pre-pigs blood Carrie (Blood is like all red and sticky. Totally gross).

not so scary carrie

not so scary carrie

At the library Audrey decides to get creeped out by some guy eating peanuts at a desk. That’s how you know this show is 15 years old…we could consume nuts in public without fear of killing everyone. All the nerds at the library hate Audrey because she’s obviously got a social life. So she leaves. The hours go by until it is just Joey, peanut guy and a massive pile of shells (they were getting annoyed with Audrey for talking, and yet this guy is making a racket and a mess).

deez nuts

deez nuts

Peanut dude makes some comment about how Joey shouldn’t be out after dark alone. She goes to the stacks, where Peanut guy whispers to Joey to come there and she runs, which pretty much guarantees that he is looking out for her well-being. Naturally, the other book she needs is in “Special editions” in the basement (dun dun dun). Turns out library guy is the bad guy and peanut guy is a cop trying to protect her. She kicks the shit out of the bad guy…including throwing a card catalogue at him (Watching this show makes me feel 100 years old). Joey and Peanut cop gloat over how her kickboxing class paid off.

Jack says he has a better story and it is uncharacteristically about his fraternity. Jack and his bruhs (is that what they are called?) are hanging listening to the radio and drinking jack out of a flask. They are also looking at old stuff…Someone’s Dad’s old yearbook or something, and tell a story about a dude that killed everyone. Jack gets all fucked up because he mixed cold medicine with one drop of booze. The bathroom is gross as hell and to top it off some shadowy thing runs by (which makes me think of supernatural, which makes me think of Jensen Ackles, which makes me think of WHERE ARE YOU DEAN? I was promised you were on this show.)

Wait, what did I miss…Jack is on the stairs. Noises can be heard, but no one answers when he calls out “You there”. He approaches a door that is making rattling noises. One of his friends…(or some random?) is bound and gagged in the closet. Oh wait, this guy is a legacy…perhaps the offspring of that killer dead guy or something? Dude confesses he’s gay and they bond over liking the dick and stuff. Oh wait, it WAS the guy who killed everyone, Jack sees him on the pic, and poof he is gone.

wait i just pulled him out of the closet

wait i just pulled him out of the closet

Pacey is up next. They tease Pacey about URBAN LEGENDS and he says he has experienced them, and they talk about his double life. HOW META.

Pacey is driving that waitress home who is riding him for his boy-crush. Pacey flashes his lights and she spouts an urban legend that I swear they mentioned on the film. After nearly being run off the road they come into a diner and everyone is staring at them. Shit..maybe I watched this episode of Dawson’s thinking it was Urban legends because this is incredibly familiar. The car that tried to kill them is in the parking lot, and Pacey screams at everyone. Now the car is in front of them on the road. Car chase, then waitress gets a bat out of the trunk, and they approach the car. Pacey opens the door ANDDDD there’s no one there.

Back in Grams’ living room they have lit every candle Grams’ owns. What a foolish waste. She comes home and when she finds they are telling ghost stories she has one for them.

Grams tells Jen’s story—her first night at the radio station, alone in the booth. A branch is tapping on the window. Jen goes out to investigate and gets locked out, and she drops her id badge trying to use it to jimmy the lock. Something whispers “Jennifer” at her from the darkness. It falls down. It is just a mannequin. Suddenly she is able to open the door, and her id is on her desk, not where she dropped it earlier. Something/someone smashes through the glass. The end.

Everyone pisses their pants and Grams skips merrily away.

take that you little shits...and quit wasting my candles

take that you little shits…and quit wasting my candles

Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 5, Episode 8 – Hotel New Hampshire

Opening scene, Dawson is talking about his floundering with Pacey on his boat. Pacey is talking about loving the kitchen at work and this coworker who isn’t into him. And looks like these two are buddies again now that Pacey’s not boning Joey, even though it’s been less than half a year and generally people hold grudges for shit like that a lot longer.

CREDITS

Jen and Joey are studying together. Joey used to hate Jen, but now that she’s surrounded by a college full of new people to hate, Jen’s her best pal, I guess. She asks how Dawson’s been, since she hasn’t seen him in awhile. Jen says he’s doing okay. Joey says she’s starting to feel not so bad about not being the one who’s there for him. Makes sense. She’s complete shit at being supportive.

It's true, I'm the worst.

It’s true, I’m the worst.

At the frat, they’re getting ready for the formal. The guy talking calls Jack a lady, and everyone including him laughs. Then he says everyone must have a date and get laid, and shows a list of potential dates. So far Jack is all, heh, list! The guys start talking hot chicks and Jack just drinks his drink and thinks about something other than vaginas. Then they call on him to get one of the guys a date with his attractive female friend. And as near as I can figure he just pimped Jen out to a random frat neanderthal.

Pacey shows up at his coworker’s house, the one who’s sleeping with the boss, and gives her an offer of a platonic night to give her a break from her shitty relationship. She hesitates and then takes him up on it.

In therapy, Dawson is lamenting his friends are treating him with kid gloves still, and his shrink tells him to go to the film festival that’s coming up and take one of his buddies.

At the radio station, Jen’s got a gig, I guess, mooning about breakups on the air. The other woman, Nora, who I thought was a plot device, shows up so I guess she’s now a regular guest.

Jen’s saying she’s done with Charlie, and the other chick is like, I wish I had that confidence. And she mentions his latest attempt at “wooing us back,” thing. The look on Jen’s face says he isn’t trying to win them back, just Nora.

Dafuq?

Dafuq?

Nora learns Jen hasn’t gotten any love letters and is all, oh… I’m sorry! But really, it’s likely she showed up to find out just that and will now go throw herself at Charlie, as it seems she was the real girlfriend and Jen was the side chick. Womp womp. Well, I guess now Jen’s self esteem will be shitty enough to go out with that frat pile from earlier. Jen tells Nora she doesn’t care.

But she’s crying to Dawson soon after saying that she does want corny love letters and that she does care very much.

Rats!

Y no LETTERS?

Jen calls herself a floozy, Dawson laughs and then kisses her forehead. Admittedly, floozy is a rather delightful word these days; so much more playful and gentle than slut. Let’s bring back floozy.

Jen’s misery and mortification is the perfect set-up for him to ask her to leave town to go to that film festival.

With Jen out of the picture, Jack invites Audrey instead, along with Joey, to double date with him and that frat guy named Eric at the formal. The door knocks at their dorm and Audrey wants to pose before Joey opens the door. Why she has to be such a dingbat, I’m not sure. Eric calls Audrey a stone cold fox.

At the film festival, the receptionist girl hits on Dawson in an uncomfortable way and rudely asks Jen if she’s his girlfriend. Jen then laughs like it’s a huge joke, which is also kinda weird. Some guy runs up and tells Dawson he’s big news and his screening sold out. Then he calls another director retarded. I’m not sure at what point that word stopped being used so casually, but I don’t think it would fly on TV anymore. Well, HBO, but you know.

Dawson and Jen open their hotel room door and inside is the cheesiest bed ever.

I expect some whoopee!

I expect some whoopee!

At the formal, guys approach Eric and Jack and say “score”, like appraising a woman you don’t know right in front of her isn’t remarkably gross. Joey says Jen should be there too to share in the pain and Jack tells her Jen’s having a weekend out of town with Dawson. Joey’s now got a case of the sads.

At Pacey’s non-date with his coworker Karen, he keeps things light until BAM he doesn’t and brings up that she’s a woman on the side and deserves better.

At the festival, a seemingly over-done film directed by the “retarded” local celebrity is showing. Smoke Crack & Worship Satan. Yeah.

Too much?

Too much?

But apparently it’s really good. I can only imagine what it’s about from the title.

Dawson pooh-poohs his movie and Jen gives him a pep talk. Then the director of the Satan movie pops out wearing a silly-looking hat and mentions he’s won the festival three times in a row and calls Dawson a “Hollywood slickster.” Then he calls Jen pretty, stares at her strangely and hoofs it out of there.

Pacey and his date do some banter that I don’t give a shit about. Then they have a goodnight kiss that immediately leads to making out, which immediately leads to them tearing into her home and getting undressed. Also she knocks over a lamp.

At the festival, Dawson’s movie is done screening and the head festival guy introduces Dawson, but first talks about how Mitch wrote a letter along with the video about his son’s talent. Dawson gives a small speech, dedicates the film to his father and gives a shoutout to his “girlfriend” Jen.

At the party, Audrey is bored stiff by her date. He gets up to go get a drink and complains to Jack that she doesn’t like him and maybe she’s a prude. Jack tells him not to worry and that Audrey’s easy. Joey overhears and looks incensed.

I kills you

I kills you

Then Jack sees Joey heard him and he looks like he ate a bag of whoops.

After they’re done fooling around (or sleeping together? Not sure) Karen is angry, so maybe the sex wasn’t very good. No afterglow here. She says Pacey’s not worth what she’s risking. He asks if she slept with him to get back at her boss/lover. Ah. There we are. And yes, it was revenge sex. Pacey leaves in a huff.

At the festival, sore loser Satan film Oliver tells Dawson he loved his film and he isn’t as much of a goon as he thought. He tells him about a media arts school in… Boston (Go figure!) full of nerds and freaks and stuff. So, obviously here’s the new plan. Not subtle.

Oliver points out, “there’s your girl” to Dawson when he sees Jen. Dawson’s about to correct him, that she’s not really his girlfriend, but stops. He’s got that look in his eye, so maybe after these many years he’s finally attracted to Jen again now that he’s sick of Joey ruining his life.

At the formal, Joey’s giving Jack the business over the shit he said about Audrey and he doesn’t seem to think it was a big deal. Then she calls him out on not spending time with them anymore and being a general asshole these days. He pretty much tells her to get off her high horse and no one’s forcing anyone to be there. So Joey marches right out.

Back in the cheesy hotel room, Dawson and Jen have a conversation that steers back to “so, why didn’t we work out?” I knew it. They rehash their breakup and Jen throwing herself at him and they laugh, and he says ultimately Jen just wasn’t attracted to him. And so Jen kisses him.

Ohohoho, and I think after Joey, Eve and Gretchen giving him the heave ho, he’s finally going to lose his virginity, and to Jen. And why not?

In the morning, Dawson wakes up a happy camper.

I did it!

I did it!

At the restaurant, Pacey goes in to quit and finds out that Karen already has. Boss man gives him the chance to rescind his resignation and expresses regret for putting him in the middle of it all. Pacey doesn’t say anything and leaves. Uh, so did he quit or not?

At the dorm room, Joey walks in on Jack apologizing to Audrey, who forgives him with gusto. Joey also talks to him, he’s sorry and then boom, everything’s fine again.

Pacey sees Karen outside the restaurant and they, I don’t know, debrief. She encourages him not to quit, and then they huge, she leaves and that’s that.

As they’re packing to leave the cheesy hotel, Jen talks to Dawson about how sex changes everything and she’s worried. He says it felt right and if things change, who says it’ll be bad, and so bring it on. Jen seems happy with that. And then they decide to stay (Another hour? Another night? Who knows.)

Well, good for him. I was rooting for that guy’s boner for some time.

Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 5, Episode 7 – “Text, Lies and Videotape”

Therapy pro, Jen, schools Dawson on how it is. She brings up Freud and makes the obligatory reference to penis envy (I think the oedipal complex would have been infinitely more timely, but hey, what do I know?).

HEY AUDREY JUST ASKED JOEY HOW COME HER GUY LOOKS LIKE TOM CRUISE! #irony

Audrey is auditioning for THE REAL WORLD (fun fact: it is still going, and on its 31st season–who knew?), and asks the question “Do I go for vamp, vixen or all out slut?”. Sigh.

Joey makes ridiculous faces that I believe are meant to represent “thought”, and then she calls herself an idiot and Audrey doesn’t argue, says she got picked because she’s hot. This is clearly a feminist episode.

BRAINING

BRAINING

Danny (From henceforth, the poor man’s Paul Rudd) banters with Pacey and the waitress he is sleeping with.

Dawson’s therapist has some super funky hair. She makes a bad Good Will hunting reference. Dawson tells the therapist he’s having panic attacks because his father died, and the therapist immediately leads him to understand it is because he dropped out. Or something. She’s smug has that sexy throaty voice, and is generally extremely irritating.

so hip so insightful

so hip so insightful

Joey is at study group and everyone is being smart except Joey. They are assigned homework to figure out who the slutty letters are written to, and I have a feeling Joey will be the one to get this sorted.

At the restaurant the waitress is suddenly being nice to Pacey, and he is being grumpy. He tells her that he knows that she is the other woman.

Mama Dawson and son meet with the lawyer and find out that the baby isn’t in the will, so they are advised to go through his stuff to look for it.

Joey is talking to teach and wonders if Rose letters were to a friend because they are too honest to be to a lover. Teach helps Joey reason through this whole thing.

Turns out Dada Dawson never signed the will thingie (Mama found the unsigned document). Dawson looks positively mental.

bad dada

bad dada

Waitress apologizes to Pacey at his boat. It becomes clear that they will eventually hook up.

Audrey shows Joey her audition tape and you can see Joey’s aha moment. In an uncharacteristic move, Joey makes it all about her and runs out, giving Audrey hasty praise.

Danny’s wife shows up while he is dancing with mistress waitress.

Back in therapy Dawson keeps talking about the damn will. Holy shit that therapist is Pauley Perrette from NCIS. Didn’t recognize her as a blonde.

In the student group Joey drops the bomb that the letters are actually that chick’s diary. Everyone is super impressed. Then teacher gives her a lecture on how to be comfortable with uncertainty. While she is all alone with him. In his house. All is kosher here.

Jen gives a shout-out to Dawson on the radio as they both remember some steamy skinny dipping thing that I must have missed.

U been watching wild things?

U been watching wild things?

Pacey shows up at waitress’ house with food and puppy dog eyes. She gets a message from the married dude while Pacey exits stage left she picks up the phone.

Dawson gets a letter that he won a film festival his father entered him in. Mother and son bond over missing Dad.

Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 5, Episode 6 – High Anxiety

Opening scene, Dawson’s getting checked out by a doctor. Nothing wrong physically, but he’s having anxiety attacks, and has been since his dad died. He doesn’t think it’s grief stress though. Doc thinks otherwise and hooks him up with a therapist in Boston, who is the best. Dawson sensibly asks if there’s not someone closer, but apparently not.

WTF? They have a TV station, but no shrinks? Capeside never makes any effing sense.

The receptionist walks in with an appointment for 5:00 the next day. How good can this guy be to be available that short notice? Hope you didn’t have anything important planned tomorrow, you’re going on a last-minute train ride and an overnight trip. (Hopefully you work through your grief fast or you’ll be making a lot of big trips to Boston. Seriously, what doctor would make treatment this unnecessarily cumbersome?)

CREDITS

Joey walks in and Audrey’s messily tidying her trashy belongings. Her pillow is hot pink and furry and there’s leopard print everywhere. Her mom is coming for a visit, and this is someone who used to hit on her boyfriends, so Audrey’s not keen. Joey’s skeptical that she’s all that bad, and changes the subject to Dawson, who hasn’t called.

Jen’s hanging out with Pacey in a fancy boat (that can’t be his boat, right? How did he get his hands on another, much nicer boat?) and bemoaning her cheating sort of boyfriend. Pacey finds a stray necklace, then tells Jen to get even.

Dawson is walking around his house looking sad and a little anxious.

At the restaurant, Pacey’s eating for free on his day off and hands the stray necklace back to his boss, who wants to commit adultery on his boat again this evening. Bold request to effectively ask to screw in someone else’s home while they find something else to do. Pacey’s like, oh, I can’t ’cause I’m throwing a party tonight. Then a waitress announces, hey, Pacey’s throwing a party! The restaurant cheers and now Pacey’s stuck.

Dawson calls Joey and they have a stilted conversation about how he’ll be in town, but will just stay with Jack and Jen. And of course Joey pretends like it’s fine and she really isn’t okay with it at all.

Y U no Want me?!

Y U no Want me?!

Dawson arrives at the therapist’s, and it’s an empty, dark waiting room without another human being in. That’s not a good sign for a mental health professional. There’s a mysterious white box with a button on the table that looks like an answering machine. Dawson pushes the button twice, which is twice as bold as I would be.

He gets antsy after waiting about 30 seconds and gets up and leaves.

Audrey’s mom is in the dorm now, and Audrey is on a scale. Mom sees Joey, compliments her skinny figure and Audrey reveals Mom thinks her daughter has gained weight. Then Mom asks Joey how old she thinks she is. This woman is already a pain in the ass.

Cliche shitty mother

Cliche shitty mother

Then she re-phrases and asks if she looks more like Audrey’s sister or mother. Joey unloyally picks sister, which is the coward’s way out. Mother all the way, just for the look on her face after the reality check. Mom is flattered and now wants Joey to come out for dinner.

Audrey pulls Joey in the bathroom and insists she come to dinner, especially after saying Mom looks like her sister.

Dawson shows up at Jen’s place. Grams certainly managed to buy a lot of Boston house. Dawson asks if he can spend the night. Maybe call ahead…? Jen has to run out, presumably for that revenge. Jack is on the way to the frat (Oh good, he cut those stupid hair wings off) and invites Dawson along, who is happy to come.

Jen marches up to her paramour’s door and he’s not happy to see her, reminding her they had plans tomorrow instead. She bursts in, he takes a nervous look at the closet and she says she might need a Palm Pilot to keep track of her liaisons. Heh. Palm Pilot. She then says let’s get naked. Charlie’s like no.

She feigns hurt like she’s in a second rate film noir and says she’ll get her sweater and be on her way. Charlie speeds ahead of her and prevents her from opening the closet. He says he is having the sweater dry cleaned.

Then a young woman walks out of the closet claiming to be Charlie’s girlfriend (Because girlfriends generally hide in closets when other girls come over unannounced). Then Jen says she’s his girlfriend and then Charlie stares back at them trying to look cute and worried.

Womp...

Womp…

Womp...

…womp.

At the frat party, Dawson helps his team win a drinking game and looks jazzed to be there.

At dinner, mom wastes no time grilling Audrey about the sauce on her dinner plate, her exercise regime and the way she speaks. Joey leaves the table to make a call on her cell, which is a level of etiquette not seen in… ever? Dawson screens the call and gets back to drinking. Joey’s stuck at that dinner.

In Charlie’s room, he’s apologizing without really apologizing, “we never had that talk”, “it’s college”, and so forth. And then he takes the conversation in a direction where I think he’s going to suggest a threesome. Oh and he does.

Back at dinner, things are tense with hearing about how mom was an model and wanted to be an actress but got pregnant. Then Mom talks about how many private schools Audrey went through, and how she lacks focus.

Then she gets even more awful and tells Joey she basically paid the school to take her because her grades were shit.

Joey then calmly tells off Audrey’s mom, scoring one round of “maybe you’re mad because she’s 18 and you’re not,” and then they leave to go to a party, and Mom is left at the table.

Jen and the other woman, Nora, supposedly agree to this threesome. Having a rich history of television watching behind me, I surmise that they met beforehand, somehow knew he’d bring this idea up somehow (?) and are planning to humiliate him in some way.

Jen tells him to stand over by the closet and strip. But from the looks of Nora, is she even in on this? Now I’m not sure.

Wait, what?

Wait, what?

Charlie says no, you first. The ladies, who are now holding all the cards are like, n’ah, let’s go. Charlie, not wanting to lose his big chance, goes ahead and starts undressing while the girls egg him on. He gets down to his skivvies and then says your turn. Jen tells him they’re the ones holding the cards– hey!– and tell him to get naked.

Any asshole should be able to see through this obvious set-up, but maybe I’m overestimating the optimism of horny 18-year-old boys who’ve watched too many of the porns.

Charlie tosses his boxers into his iguana’s aquarium. My, this dorm has relaxed rules. Does he have a hot plate as well?

They get him to close his eyes and start moving him around, which doesn’t alarm him at all, and then shut him out of his bedroom, and walk off with everyone gawking at Charlie’s nudity. How’d they lock his door from the outside with no keys?

The two girls mosey off and throw away things that they stole from him, an autographed CD and his notes from a class he’s got a midterm in tomorrow. Jen holds up his favourite shirt which she says she’ll use to clean her toilet.

Okay, really? This is just overkill.

Jen invites her to a party, but she declines in favour of going back to her dorm and brooding. They say they’ll hang out but we’ll probably never see her again. So long, plot device!

At Pacey’s party, Audrey is flirting with him like a giant airhead, like he isn’t Joey most recent ex-boyfriend. Some friend.

A drunk Dawson shows up with the frat. Pacey’s upset with Jack for getting him hammered, and Jack’s like, meh, so long as he’s happier!

Dawson sees Joey, and is all HEY! I didn’t call you! Let me call you now! So he gets out his cell and leaves a message that ends with, it’s okay to leave you this kind of drunk message because you left me one once and if you hadn’t I would have gone back to LA and my dad would still be alive.

Whoa.

What the fuck was that?

What the fuck was that?

Dawson wakes up on Pacey’s boat to a disgusting hangover remedy. He feels like shit for blaming Joey for his dad dying.

Audrey says bye to her mom and they have a heart-to-heart that’ll probably improve nothing over time.

Audrey then thanks Joey for the self-esteem boost utilizing some mad vocal fry before it was cool.

Dawson makes it to Jen’s and doesn’t want a greasy breakfast, which is like no hangover I’ve ever had. They talk about how everyone’s handing his grief.

At the restaurant, Pacey talks to the waitress he always flirts with and sees the necklace he found around her neck. Ooh. The boss man’s sleeping with her.

As Joey’s walking him home to the train station, he says sorry and she forgives him. He tells her about the shrink appointment he never went to. Then he tells her how he was dreaming of them being together again and kissing her, and then his dad died and now he can’t imagine them together now.

So Joey kisses him and he looks sadder than ever. And Joey says now she’ll wait for him to be ready. So now that he’s emotionally unavailable she wants him again? Of course she does.

They stare at each other awhile and Dawson goes home.

Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 5, Episode 5 – “Use Your Disillusion”

Sorry folks. I’m a day late and a dollar short on this one. I got so distracted reading this yesterday that I forgot to watch Dawson’s.

Dawson is continuing to be more adult than the adults, helping his mom cope with the loss of Dada Dawson (I must say, I totally forgot this plot point. My memory of this show is all getting locked in Walmarts and everyone sleeping together and jumping into glimmering bodies of water).

Back at college Joey is making her roommate jog, and then they stop so she can go on a speech about how she needs to make everything perfect for Dawson since he is coming over while grieving.

you still talking?

you still talking?

Some dude shows up on a bike, and I think it is her prof? He wants to tell Joey all about some dead writer and how he gets to go through her papers to see if there is anything amazing that should be published. But surprise the kick off party is during Dawson’s visit and she declines so Dawson won’t get stressed out by being around other humans.

Jen and the tumbleweed are playing guitar and rubbing each other’s shoulders. She invites him to a play and he says no, he has to work. Jen, didn’t you watch the show a few weeks ago? You are just a lay. Then they start making out.

Pacey is in the kitchen, sucking at life as always. The sassy waitress comes in to let them know that she is still pissed she was passed over for chef for having a vagina. Pacey’s boss gives him the night off in exchange for Pacey letting him and the wife go bang on the boat he lives in.

Toby shows up whilst Jack is in the middle of pledge week. Ohh the conflict. On cue a cell phone rings because the frat guys are calling them for some good ole fashioned hazing. They casually name drop HBO like a message in a bottle or suicide note from the show’s writers who clearly know there is a better life out there for them.

Dawson shows up and roommate bolts out of the room with wet toe nails. Joey greets Dawson with a book called “How to deal with your parent’s death”. Subtle.

Jen is a bitch about Jack turning into a pod person and Toby defends him.

Joey smothers Dawson some more and he throws her some side-eye. Then a car flips in the movie and Joey hits the ceiling with horror and guilt. Dawson reassures her and they go to the party.

definitely should not have rented crash

definitely should not have rented crash

Jen and Pacey walk by her sex buddy on what appears to be a date. She wants to go in to murder him and Pacey talks her into going to the play instead. When that doesn’t work he throws her over his shoulder and drags her away.

not work

not work

Jack tells Toby it’s his fault that he got stood up because he doesn’t have a cellphone (He’s afraid of brain tumors…that lad is ahead of his time). Then Jack won’t tell him why he is late out of respect to his fraternity. Then the cell goes off and he’s gotta blow off their date again. Toby says its all good, and goes in for a kiss that doesn’t happen.

Jen is trying to watch Shakespeare after seeing her bf cheat on her. Ha, they are seeing Othello! Of course they are. Jen takes off.

Dawson freaks out in the bathroom at the party.

Jen will NOT wait to be seated.

Jen will NOT wait to be seated.

Jen shows back up to the restaurant and the girl is feeding him whip cream from a spoon. Jen dumps a coffee in his lap, and it turns out that it is his sister (who saw that coming? Everyone.)

Jack’s “brothers” are dissing Toby for coming to visit (“he’s checking up on you, bro!” “Dump the chump.”)

Dawson is freaking out in the kitchen now, and a girl is trying to help him while babbling about her addiction to listerine. Dawson freaks and tells Joey they have to go and runs out breathing heavy. Methinks his avoidant coping strategy is failing him. They make excuses for him and go back to the dorm.

Jen apologizes and wins her man back by offering to do his laundry. (I thought she was the sassy feminist around here?)

Jack explains to Toby why the frat is so important to him (because they want him for him…did he miss the part where they told him they needed a gay guy?)

Pacey meets his boss’ new wife and realizes his idol is a cheater.

Dawson leaves without his book and Jen waits with Toby at the bus station. Jen lectures Jack when he comes home and he tells her that the Dawson’s creek gang is so last season.

Jen takes an I’m sorry basket to Chucky and catches him smooching another lady. (Who saw that coming? Everyone.)

definitely not  his sis

definitely not his sis

Joey talks to roommate girl about Dawson and she wrote a really lovey inscription in the book he pointedly left on her bed.

Dawson drives around looking pensive.

The end.