Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 5, Episode 12 – Sleeping Arrangements

It’s Jenn. I’ve got a tenuous grip on some episodes. We’ll see how this goes.

Pacey’s on his boat and some blonde I can’t remember approaches him. Thankfully, Pacey says her full name so the audience doesn’t have to think too hard. This is Melanie. She’s all impressed he’s got a job. She says it shatters her understanding of the natural order of the universe. He must find her super hot, ’cause that’s a mad burn and he’s still smiling.

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You may know me from such TV shows as How I Met Your Mother, Once Upon a Time or my episode of Touched By an Angel.

So Melanie has come to tell him that boat he’s living on got sold, and dude who owned it has bought a bigger boat and wants Pacey to sail around the Greek islands with him. Which is much more specific than “Paradise” which is where they went last time. Also it seems this business arrangement might be better organized through a direct phone call, but what do I know about the doings of eccentric millionaires?

Pacey doesn’t seem mega jazzed about this offer and Melanie heads out.

And just so you know, this episode is playing with the Jann Arden theme. I’m pretty disappointed.

At Grams’ house, Jen is getting ready and Dawson is trying to make plans with her, unsuccessfully, while learning that Jen actually wears a lot of makeup, which he never noticed before. Also, he learns that Jen thought his toothbrush was “old” and used it to separate her eyelashes. Yes. She thought the toothbrush that belongs to her boyfriend who recently moved in was “old” and used this “old” and therefore germy-ass brush on her eyes. That’s gross, and a stye waiting to happen.

He then wants to use hers and she’s like, ew, no, that’s my toothbrush. Dawson points out they’ve been sleeping together for three weeks, but no dice, even if she did just ruin his toothbrush. He then pokes through a drawer looking for dental supplies and Jen wigs out, all no, that’s my drawer. I have a child who’s turning 3 tomorrow and I don’t mind saying I’m drawing some behavioural parallels here. Dawson leaves the bathroom looking way less annoyed than I’d be.

Joey’s in a class and the prof wants to talk to her. Some moody-looking blonde guy seems a little fixated. And turns out prof wants to introduce blondie, Elliott, to Joey. Why? No reason. Just to point out that Elliott was checking her out. Inappropriate, much? Boundaries, buddy.

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I need an adult.

Elliott tries to make chit chat and points out they’ve met, and joey gives her classic brush off and leaves. Dude, figuring he’s got nothing to lose at this point, chases after her and offers to walk and get coffee, but no dice. Joey’s Joey and there’s no point.

At the radio station, Jen’s attempting to sound cool on the air and blows it. So she takes a request which winds up being some chick who doesn’t understand how music radio shows work and wants Jen’s advice on her love life for some reason. Who is screening these calls?

The caller says he boyfriend ejaculates too early. Seriously, someone called into a rock radio station and asked this on the air. Who wrote this shit? Jen decides to offer her expertise, though we don’t get to hear what her answer is.

Now Dawson is helping Jack move into the frat house. The room he’s getting is huge and has its own bathroom. He wants to know how he got so lucky and the guy who’s giving the room up says it’s a lottery, luck of the draw thing. Probably that’s not at all accurate.

Buddy’s new roommate helps him move stuff into their new shared room and Jack’s wondering why those two guys are sharing while he gets the big room all to himself.

Audrey’s at work at the restaurant and is applying lipstick while viewing herself in a spoon. Any time anyone has worked in food service on this show, they have completely fucked it up.

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Wait tables? What is this devilry?

And somehow she’s not fired immediately, even after she tells the chef the salmon is gross, says “sucks to be you” and calls him old. Chef Ramsay would have eaten her by now.

The Chef then wants to promote(?) Pacey to breadmaker because their old breadmaker is back in jail(?) and tells him he doesn’t know what he’d do without him, making Pacey’s decision over whether to sail the Greek islands that much harder.

Audrey then comes back to shoot the shit with Pacey rather than work the crowded restaurant. He’s not interested in chit chat.

At Grams’ house, Grams playing Jack’s video game that he left behind, which tickles me to death and brings back fond memories of my mom stealing my Gameboy and draining the batteries to play Dr. Mario when I was a teenager.

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The devil made me do it.

She puts the game down to talk to Dawson about his registration to some film group and he says he didn’t fit in with them. He then tells Grams he knows it must be weird seeing him dating Jen. Grams says she’s come a long way thanks to Jen’s help, and for example she can now say the word “penis.” Might I remind everyone that Grams used to be a nurse? What did she call the penis when she was on the job?

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“Hey Homer, I can see your doodle!”

Dawson says he’ll live by whatever ground rules Grams wants to set, but she says they both know no one can make an honest woman out of Jen, so just be nice to her. Dawson remembers Jen’s on the radio now so he turns on the station and looks like Jen’s music program has become the love advice show. And she gives shitty advice.

So this girl wants to know why her boyfriend of three months is pulling away. Jen says it’s because the honeymoon period is over and men leave, and frequent sex can delay it for awhile, but not indefinitely. You should see Grams’ face for that one.

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Oh hell no.

Jen also advises keeping things to yourself and calls men disasters. I think she’s going to get canned from her job. But then again, this is Dawson’s Creek where up is down, so maybe she’ll get her own show.

Dawson seems perturbed and Grams tries to play it down so as not to lose the only nice boyfriend she’s ever seen her granddaughter date.

Joey’s in the book store and that pretentious professor is there, admitting he’s assigned reading material from his own book and talking about boys flirting with her. This guy is a creep, and Joey loves it because she’s fucking Joey.

Prof humblebrags about how he wrote the book when he was 20 and calls the themes incestuous.

At the restaurant, Pacey’s hanging out in the dining room, all unprofessional-like and Audrey wants to know what’s bothering him. He reveals his job offer. She tells him to stay or go, whatever, and is of no real help.

Back at the frat house, Jack wants to know why buddy gave up his room. Turns out the freshman he was supposed to share with got uncomfortable with sharing the room with a gay guy, left it too late to say anything and now is boarding with buddy, who’s a senior. Jack’s hurt, but I’m thinking the guys all still like him and, hey, sweet-ass big room all to himself. It’s not like he got a bum deal.

Back at the restaurant, Pacey is talking to Chef and trying to quit and Chef’s like, hey, you’re not trying to quit, are you? This always happens on TV. Pacey quits, giving three days notice, and dude takes it pretty well considering he’s only just recently lost another employee due to criminal charges. Chef looks a little like Paul Rudd. But it’s not Paul Rudd. I wish it was.

Audrey saunters into the kitchen to count tips she probably doesn’t deserve and thinks Pacey’s feeling bummed that his boss let him go so easily, and points out he has a life in town now. You’d think she’d have offered this viewpoint prior to him quitting if that’s what she thought.

Audrey then starts flirting with him only to turn around and call him boring. Audrey is such a pain in the ass. No redeeming features. Thinking on it, I think she’s why I quit watching back in the day.

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You want me so bad, and you’re boring as shit.

Audrey reverse throws herself at him, claiming out of nowhere he’d sleep with her, and he calls her bawdy. She says he makes her feel like Bette Midler and I’m cringing from the shitty dialogue.

Melanie shows up, Audrey parts with some awful attempts at wit and Pacey’s out the door too, despite the fact he didn’t seem to have finished cleaning the kitchen. But fuck it, right? He quit!

Jen walks up to the house, and Dawson is waiting outside for her, which is weird when he could have just waited inside sitting on something comfortable. She surmises he heard the broadcast. OH and who called it? Up is down and night is day because Jen got her own radio show to dispense her shitty cynical advice that’ll ruin young relationships all over Boston.

She now wants to know what Dawson has to say, and seems worked up for bad news. But he just wants to go out. She bristles and is all, well, I already told you I’m busy! This chick thinks men leave and doesn’t consider it’s because she pushes them away. It’s maddening. Joey does the same stupid shit. Kevin Williamson is a bitter old tit.

Dawson tells her he’s going to the movies and then he will come home, and she’s free to join him, or she’s free to keep testing him, but he’s a steady guy who doesn’t cheat or leave. Honestly, I’d leave her, though. This shit she pulls got old seasons ago and ain’t nobody got time for that.

At the frat house, Jack confronts the guy who didn’t want to room with him. He calls him out and the guy’s like, I didn’t want people to think I was gay. They get nothing accomplished and Jack leaves the room.

Audrey arrives back at her dorm, complains loudly about waitressing, kicks her shoe off, which hits things on a dresser. Then she crawls into Joey’s bed, despite Joey not really wanting her there. Joey tells her about how she got asked out and said no. Turns out she thought Audrey slept with the guy, but nope, so she turned down handsome brooding Elliott for no good reason.

Pacey takes Melanie back to the boat and they reminisce over their last boating escapade. I’m gonna level with you all. This scene is boring as shit and I’m sort of glazing over it. They make out.

In the morning they’re getting dressed and Melanie’s giving herself the bum’s rush. Personal pet peeve: Her hair and makeup still look perfect. Fall asleep with that much eye shadow on and you’re going to look like a vagrant in the morning, just saying.

At Grams’ house, Jen has replaced Dawson’s toothbrush but has some requests about how he can be less gross to live with. She offers a convoluted BS reason for wearing makeup too: because when she was a little girl she learned to hide herself and cover up for protection. Oh fuck off, you wear it because it makes you feel pretty and maybe not wearing it make you feel not pretty and you want to leave the house looking pretty, like we all do. Not everything has a deep dark reason. 

Joey goes to Elliott’s room and rather than saying, “Hey, so I didn’t want to go to coffee because I thought you slept with my roommate and I figured it’d be too weird,” she launches into this overly verbose web of complete nonsense and mystery without touching on anything of actual importance. He then says, “I didn’t sleep with your roommate.” Him, I like him. Cutting through the bullshit.

She asks him to coffee and he fakes rejecting her before agreeing. She gives him this shitty smile. Seriously, it’s awful.

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What the fuck is this?

At the frat house, Jack drops his keys in front of the senior guy, all dramatic like, and says he shouldn’t live there. He then leaves without any of his stuff, so is he really leaving? The freshman, I think his name’s Eric, chases after him and offers to be his roommate. Jack says he needs to think about it.

At the boat, Pacey is packing and Audrey shows up wearing an ugly hat and wants him to come outside. Oh look, it’s Joey, Jack, Jen and Dawson there to say goodbye. And that’s odd in its own way because this group has been sort of growing apart. They present him with something that looks boat-ish and turns out he’s not going anywhere after all.

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Not a good year for hat fashion.

So, he’s quit his job and has nowhere to live. Sounds like a plan!

The end.

So, just for the record, getting this episode to play was a real pain in the ass and I’m not sure how frequently I can keep this up. Effing Netflix and their fickle catalogue. So! Keep harassing us in the comments to do more and I’ll make it more of a priority, despite the pain-in-the-assery, and maybe even Jen (who lost patience with this show a long time ago) will come back to complain about it once again. Plus there’s still Jensen to come. 

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Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 4, Episode 22 – The Graduate

Time for graduation. In Capeside they apparently have to practice it before the actual ceremony which takes a boring thing and makes it even more boring, which, when you think about it is sort of this show’s M.O.

Joey has to make a big speech which isn’t ready (saving both us and her classmates from enduring it twice). Pacey is in so much danger of flunking he’s not even allowed to attend the practice.

Everyone wants to see Pacey succeed. We are treated to this info from a number of heartfelt convos.

Toby tries to force Jack to call him his bf. Then Toby says “What if she doesn’t like me?” and my whole damn day is ruined because this must be the legendary show where ANDIE COMES BACK.

SOMETIMES THEY COME BACK.

Drue tries to crawl in Jen’s window as I wonder why my teen friends and I didn’t have more ladders. She wraps him in one of Gram’s quilts and they talk about how his parents don’t love him.

Pacey is writing the big exam. He only brought one pencil and breaks it immediately. Teach gives him one, and Pacey goes on a big rant about how no one cares about the slow kids and storms out.

Joey wants to fix it and he tells her to hit the road.

Outta nowhere Bess hands Joey a letter from her dead mom. That strikes me as something that coulda used a bit of stickhandling, no?

AND THERE SHE IS THE DEVIL

You thought I was gone forever

You thought I was gone forever

Whyyyy.

Jack intros Toby as bf, so that’s settled.

Joey takes her letter to Dawson so he can read it.

After a giant sap party we move on to a party for giant saps. Andie rubs in how much fun she had in Italy and it is as annoying as you think it is.

Andie is better than you

Andie is better than you

Pacey’s teacher shows up at his house to offer him a chance to write the test, and to tell him that it is dodos like Pacey that keep him teaching.

Jen and Drue get busted trying to reset the sprinklers to go off during grad. Their punishment is to listen to the principal guy play the cello terribly.

Andie is a bitch to Dawson about his breakup. Then her and Pacey talk forever. He passed high school in case any of you were worried.

Pacey runs into Joey and they make nice and act weird.

Pacey is grinning his face-off at empty grad before taking off to his new job and skipping the ceremony. Meanwhile Joey is bitching at Bess about being late. Bess tackles her with a lipstick again while Jann Arden croons Good Mother in the background.

The Dawsons and their infant prepare to go to grad (they are bringing Dawson’s little sis too, har har). They give him a watch or something else that looks engravable.

Pacey is packing for his boat and his bro is actually being nice.

Joey gives her speech with some female rendition of “fields of gold” in the background (they musta blew the music budget on this one). Then the sprinklers go off. Oh Drue. Everyone is spinny and smiling and slow mo. THE END

Grads

Grads

more grads

more grads

Joey

Joey

Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 4, Episode 17 – Admissions

In the Capeside cafeteria, Joey is sharing her secret to staying so slim: she just smells her food instead of eating it.

smell the nourishment

smell the nourishment

Jen then waves the stack of colleges that she and her bestie Jack got into, while Joey still hasn’t heard anything. Joey can’t catch a mouthful, nor can she catch a break, apparently.

Next both Joey and Dawson get notes to call home. They both take calls in parallel and look like they are going to cry (Joey: joy, Dawson: not joy).

CREDITS timed to make us cliffhang on what they both were told.

Joey got in, Dawson didn’t. Joey says it is surreal because stuff like this doesn’t happen to her…well yeah…since you just now applied and got in to college…kinda makes sense. Things like retirement parties just don’t happen to me.

Jen and Jack are picking their joint college. Jen doesn’t want to go back to NY. Shocker.

Joey and Pacey ditch the rest of the day to go look at the letter back at Joey’s house –OH LOOK IT IS BODIE! — Bess is planning a BBQ to celebrate that a Potter actually made it to college even though they live in a house that is a million times nicer than mine.

He's alive!

He’s alive!

Now it is night at Dawson’s. Gretch sucks face with Dawson right in front of his mom. She is one classy, cradle-robbing broad, that Gretch. Gretch tells Dawson to forget college and just use the dead guy’s cash to make his own movies.

Jen is back at therapy trying not to talk about her parents.

Back at Joey Potter celebration BBQ headquarters, Joey gets a letter to inform her she needs $15,000 to go to school. After a quick jaunt to school, Bessie and Joey confirm she will need to come up with that kind of money. HOW IS THERE SCHOOL ON DURING THIS BBQ? Is everyone ditching to come toss back a couple of burgers on the poor family’s dime? Joey is in tears and it is BBQ time! She decides not to tell anyone and they will just have to figure it out when she is still hanging out in Capeside come September.

Jen and Jack spat over nothing (about going to NY obvs).

Gretch asks Pacey how he is handling all this college talk that obviously excludes him. He confesses that he was kinda glad Joey can’t afford to leave him.

Jen and Jack sit on a dock and Jack tells Jen to get back to therapy and work her issues out.

The Dawsons turn up and Dawson’s mom brings a letter to tell him he got in to some other college.

Joey takes off and is crying on her kitchen floor. Dawson finds her, and she tells him and he’s like “There has to be a way around this, it’s just money”. Nice world you live in, Dawson. We don’t all have rich guys croaking and leaving us a windfall.

coping skills

mad coping skills

Ohh then Dawson offers Joey his dead guy money. Joey thinks about it for a good five minutes and then says no. Dawson says that he really wants her to take the money because he has watched her go through so much pain and finally there is something he can do to fix it. UGH. Messiah complex much?

Jen is back at therapy. She says she can’t remember the last time she talked to her Dad…because she was too drunk? I don’t really follow.

Dawson talks to Pacey about the money, zzzzzz.

zzzz-sorry- Now Jen is with Drue, and calls him “Captain A-hole” (natch). She asks him what happened the last night in NY, they drank an assload, and then he starts telling a sex story that involves her mom. Jen gets mad he won’t tell he truth and takes off.

Joey is moping some more.

Drue shows up to tell Jen the truth. They didn’t hook up, Jen and her father called each other names (“slut” and “hypocrite”). She apologizes for being a skank but shoots him down.

Joey arrives to tell Dawson the truth that she slept with Pacey. Super sad face Dawson ensues.

Jen back in therapy and apparently she has been working on some repressed memory to determine whys she hates herself.

THEN Joey has to go confess to Pacey that she lied to Dawson initially about their steamy sex life. HOLD THE PHONE, THAT’S WHY THIS IS CALLED ADMISSIONS – DOUBLE ENTENDRE!

Then Pacey confesses that he was also glad that Joey didn’t get in to school.

Both take the news better than I would.

Jen and Jack are staring at fish because her shrink told her it would help her memory. I think she maybe needs a better therapist.

fishy therapy

fishy therapy

Now Dawson is at Joey’s house to give her a cheque for 15 Gs. They hug for a real long time. She takes the money and Dawson waxes poetic and the music swells. The end.

Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 4, Episode 15 – Four Stories

Ok, #spoilers or whatever, but have you guys seen this: http://www.buzzfeed.com/jarettwieselman/dawsons-creek-series-finale-you-never-saw#.plnG074vA0

As not this woman’s son, and a member of #teampacey, I enjoy how pissed his mom was.

Anyways…

Jen and Jack are boarding the bus talking about making babies and a sarcastic teacher is too busy snarking at kids to notice that Joey and Pacey are too busy basking in the afterglow to get on the bus home. A teacher would definitely be fired or at least lynched here in Canada for that kind of crap. Welcome to Capeside where every day is backwards day.

Joey is uncharacteristically silent while I wonder how long it takes for them to get her tucked in to that sheet, all perfect like so it looks more like a ballgown than sweaty hotel bedding.

Between the sheets

Between the sheets

Story # 1 “About last night”

Once they discover they have been left Home alone, Pacey asks if Joey told her big sis about how they took the big leap. (Nope, because that’s creepy?) Pacey keeps talking about taking her virginity and eww. Pacey wants to know how it was and Joey says “nice” and the whole conversation is too much to even put down. Then they bicker, and the conversation comes to whether she is gonna tell Dawson. More bickering. Joey takes off crying.

Pacey follows and she blubbers and is suddenly nice, and tells him she’s glad they did it.

Cool story, bro.

Story # 2 “The big Picture”

Dawson and the Gretch. Grams told Dawson to meet her in film guy’s garage. When they enter she is holding a gun and threatens to use it on Jen (joke is on her, it is not a real gun). Grams is ready to donate all film guy’s stuff to something other than a trash bin. Dawson and Gretch look through his stuff for anything pawnable. They find a script and dishonour the dead by attempting to act it out.

Dawson freaks because five people showed up at the guy’s funeral. Dawson is worried he will turn out the same way, and Gretch reassures him that he will continue to be a genius, but one with friends.

Dawson asks her to take a powder so he can be alone. Some lawyer dude shows up (how tacky, right after the funeral!).

how rude

how rude

He wants to talk to Dawson later that afternoon in his office. Here’s an idea, little buddy. It’s called a telephone and it’s used to make appointments so you don’t have to drive all over town to let people know you would like to see them later.

So, let’s guess the old dude left Dawson all his money?

Story #3 Excess baggage

not this

not this

Jen is at therapy and the music makes you think something goofy and funny will happen, but only her bag gets stuck in the door. Jen is bouncing off the walls and the shrink is not loving it. Then she asks him a bunch of personal questions and knocks his degree off the wall and smashes it (degree not wall). She’s pissed that he isn’t tossing her roses and giving her hugs so she goes to walk out and then he reverse psychologies her, she calls him on it, and then comes back to lay down on his couch.

he is already laughing

he is already laughing

Also, Shrink has a mac!

mac attack

mac attack

Story #4 “Seems like old times”

Dawson and Joey discover that they both decided to go see the same movie alone (what.are.the.odds.). They decide to go somewhere else and talk instead. Turns out the old guy left Dawson enough money to pay his entire college tuition (AND DAMN U.S. TUITION AINT CHEAP). Dawson notices Joey looks different, and now that he mentions it, her cheeks have been super flushed all episode (duh, she lost her virginity, that’s what happens).

Joey is worried she is a bad friend and Dawson is like you are my best friend.

Then they walk around to some jazz music and run into a lady with a million floofy dogs and other cute date-like things. At the end of the night Dawson point blank asks her if she banged Pacey. Then he babbles on about some promise she made that he won’t hold her to (what did she promise? Her cherry?). She goes on a big speech, and ultimately…she lies.

And Dawson makes this face:

it could still be mine

it could still be mine

Twitter

A brief break from our regularly scheduled reviews to list the main Dawson peep’s Twitter accounts:

https://twitter.com/vancityjax – Joshua Jackson

https://twitter.com/KatieHolmes212 – Katie Holmes

https://twitter.com/vanderjames – James Van Der Beek

https://twitter.com/kevwilliamson – Kevin Williamson

https://twitter.com/meremonroe – Meredith Monroe

https://twitter.com/michellewfans – Michelle Williams’ fan twitter page

I’ve wondered from time to time what the actual people behind this show would think about this blog, but I’m unhip to the ways of Twitter. Anyone want to send a nudge just to see what might happen? Shits and giggles, man.

Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 3, Episode 3 –None of the above

Dawson and Eve are in the D-man’s bed. OMFG ARE THEY WATCHING FELICITY?? Can’t we do a blog about that instead? Way better hair.

Felicity!

Felicity!

Eve says she prefers TV because there are built-in bathroom breaks. Dawson is deeply shocked and offended.

Eve says Felicity is essentially girl Dawson. They talk about their lives as TV shows and I’m sure the show producers were patting themselves on the back for being so very meta. Especially when they are getting busy and Dawson says “They always cut to commercial at the best part…”

Cue the credits.

Joey’s alarm is going off and she seems quite shocked by this. She runs to the school and oh it’s a dreaaaam. She is locked out of the PSATs and Dawson don’t care.

Andie’s back and someone fixed her hair from that purple nonsense. She’s doing sit ups, studying cue cards in a Harvard sweatshirt.

Type A much?

Type A much?

Pacey, the group rebel, is sleeping peacefully.

They are talking about the upcoming test and Dawson’s answer decides the MVA right out of the gate.

Pacey and Andie run into each other and her shit is all over the floor and they are snarky with each other.

Teacher is telling Joey she has a chance at a scholarship. Which would come in handy because, in case you forgot, she is gifted and POOR.

Teach tells her to take the night off because of all the pressure she has been under. She asks Dawson to watch a movie with her to help her relax. Dawson says for sure, but he has plans with Eve, who walks up just then. Wait, the stripper is a highschool kid. What?

that boy is mine

that boy is mine

Jack is playing football. When did this happen? Oh, maybe when Dawson’s father became coach. Slow motion, artsy shots, Jack gets his ass kicked.

creative camera work

creative camera work

Joey’s boss is talking about giving the ladies what they want. She wants Saturday night off to study for the PSATs. He says he paid someone to take them for him. He asks her out and she says she is married and a lesbian. Then she just says no.

Eve leaves an apple on Dawson’s windowsill. We find out she is an army brat. Oh, and that she banged one of her father’s friends as a youngster. Then she whips out a copy of the PSAT answers. No biggie all around.

The gang stands around the answers. Joey sorts out that it was Eve immediately. Pacey figures Andie wants it since she is cool with cheating (burrrrn). Jen wants to peek. Joey says it’s wrong. Everyone makes excuses for everyone else to look at it.

envelope gang

envelope gang

Just then the fire drill goes off and Dawson has to leave the envelope on the table. They get back and it is gone. Natch.

Joey is over-filling a gas tank and her boss is pissed that she rejected him so she can no longer have her night off and has to pay for someone’s gas because she over-filled the tank.

a horrible boss

a horrible boss

Jack is broken from football, so he is quitting. Jen doesn’t think he should.

Dawson and Eve are breaking into the school to look for the missing stolen answers. Someone comes in with a flashlight and they hide under a table. Eve is all like, one of your friends took it. Which one is it?

Teach is grilling the gang as to which one of them stole the answers, so Joey pulls the fire alarm. Nope, just a dream.

The gang is discussing the missing test. Joey calls Dawson’s girlfriend a “bleached blonde ho-bag”. Just like old times with Jen. Dawson tells them they better return the answers to his unlocked locker.

Andie returns everything Pacey ever gave her in a box and is a particular cunt about the whole thing.

Jack is sucking at football so some kid tells him a mantra will solve it all. Kid says he is helping him because he wants to win and Jack is good at football, and he wants him to set him up with Jen. She could do worse. Jack laughs at him because he is a freshman.

pay me for my kindness in Jen

pay me for my kindness in Jen

Pacey is visiting Joey at work. He’s drunk and sad over the box Andie gave him, and he trips and throws it all in the drink. He asks Joey to cover for him and I think she does, and don’t these kids ever learn about getting shit faced where they could drown?

bye bye Andie

bye bye Andie

Eve and Dawson check his locker for the missing answers and surprise, they aren’t there. He needs to be alone because he is so profoundly saddened by this. She says she will make him feel better by telling him who took it and says he already knows: his best friend.

Dawson comes to the marina, apparently looking for Pacey at Joey’s work? Dawson is shocked that Pacey is drunk the night before the PSATs. He tells Pacey to give the answers back, and Pacey says he doesn’t have it. They insult each other, and then they start punching each other and Joey comes out and is like dafuq, Dawson?

Dawson leaves and Joey is comforting Pacey, who’s sad Dawson thinks he’s a loser. Joey is like how come you never believed me when I said you were a loser? Then she gives him a pep talk. Then insults him again.

Eve asks Dawson if he got the test, and he has a giant shiner. He tells her that this is all her fault for giving him the test. He’s all like nice knowing you, “because now that I know you, I don’t really like you.” She is shocked and then mad or sad or something.

At football, Jen is being an awkward cheerleader and Jack’s mantra is “FUG”. Which magically works for him and he doesn’t get creamed. The kid who liked Jen runs at her screaming fug and then takes off.

At the test, Dawson just hands his to the teacher. Then Pacey. They bond outside the school and decide to only beat the crap out of each other for women.

Ohh, and we see it was Andie who stole all the answers. Fade to black.

dun dun dun

dun dun dun

MVA: Dawson: Alert, attentive, concerned. Provided you believe the PSA is a measure of intelligence and not a culturally biased weapon against the poor.

Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 2, Episode 20 –Ch…Ch…Changes

Dawson is writing an essay on something…no wait, maybe his script? He does the thing where he pulls on his hair and puts his hands behind his ears like his brains are on fire.

liar liar brains on fire

liar liar brains on fire

Okay, pan to Joey and we find out that it’s his film final. He wants to know about her arc, and starts filming, flirting blah blah.

Cue the hey hey hey yeah and sweaters on the beach.

And some swans for good measure…

random stuff random stuff

random stuff random stuff

WTF happened to Andie’s hair?

sorry andie, not feeling the hair

sorry andie, not feeling the hair

And her Dad showed up and that’s a big surprise and she says you’re not welcome here. Dad is like yeah, well I know you see dead people btw. Andie’s like, all good now, bye bye papa. Turns out Jack tattled on her, and now Dad’s packing her up so she can be supervised and HE’S NOT ASKING.

Dawson wants Jen to talk about the changes she has gone through this year. I would put bad, bad hair at the top of that list. Then got the school cunt drunk and watched her drown. NBD. She starts crying and SHE IS TALKING ABOUT HER HAIR I swear I could write for this piece of shit show…hey wait…

you would cry too if it happened to you

you would cry too if it happened to you

Dawson bugs Joey to be in his movie again.

Now he’s asking Pacey. Pacey bears his soul and has a little cry because Andie pulled him up out of the muck and he can’t do shit for her. Andie immediately lets him know that Daddy is taking her away. Cry cry cry. Platitudes here and there. Stand up for yourself, my dearest mental patient. But he wants to leave tomorrow. No, I’m a teenager, I will tell him what we want and that will be good says Pacey. OK, Pacey, good plan.

Who is more interesting, pacey or cat?

Who is more interesting, pacey or cat?

Jack and Jen chit chatting on the shore. Jack feels bad for calling daddykins, Jen says you did the right thing. Andie needs help and you might make up with daddy-o. Then he wants to know if she will every make up with grandma or go home to New York or if she will just keep sponging off the Leerys.

Looks like Joey and her Dad are fixing up the Ice House so it’s less of a shithole. I wonder how they are paying the bills since the business is closed and they’re poor, but whatever. Dawson meets “Pete”, who Joey’s dad met in the Marines. Dawson wants to interview Joey’s dad as a most changed man for his film final and he hands Dawson a level and he is like “WTF is this thing?”

Pacey is bitching about Jack’s dad and how quickly he is taking away his precious mental girlfriend. Then dad walks in and is like shut your pie hole, she’s coming with me. Pacey is like since when do you give a rat’s ass? And dad is like, you are being selfish, 15 year old. Pacey is like, hell yeah, but let her stay. Dad says nuh uh. Pacey makes a sad face.

Jen calls her mom to float the idea of coming home.

mummy mummy

mummy mummy

Cut to a scene of Dawson smashing his hand with a hammer to increase the dramatic tension. Joey is basically banging Dawson in front of her dad, and then dad comes over and is like that is one shit-looking table you built there.

tickets to the gun show

tickets to the gun show

Now Dawson is interviewing Joey’s Dad, who “LITERALLY” thought he would die of shame when he went to jail or got poor or, no wait, cheated on his wife on her deathbed. Joey didn’t like this conversation.

Back at the McPhee’s, Jack is like, hey Dad, if you are so worried, why don’t you come here instead of uprooting our lives? Dad’s like hmm, no, not feeling it. I’d prefer not to disrupt my own shit. And THEN he tells Jack he needs therapy for his “gay ideas”.

Pacey and Andie have a really long discussion on whether or not they should go out on a date. Verdict: yes.

More interview with the bad father. Joey walks in the middle of the shot and asks Dad to take someone dinner just when he’s about to start talking about the marijuana. Joey says turn the camera on yourself and Dawson says he’s too afraid and for some reason he thinks if he does his project on himself Joey will leave him. Totally sound logic.

Andie is happy now because Dad said maybe she could stay, but now maybe she wants to go. Because she is so batty, and she should maybe go get better so she can be a better friend and girlfriend. And she also thinks Jack should stay because he is happy and she wants him to be selfish for once.

Jen was going to say goodbye to Grams, but she wusses out and instead says goodbye to the porch.

this b roll is more like c or d  roll

this b roll is more like c or d
roll

More Dawson and Mr. Potter bonding. You can see Dawson is really working because his face is dirty. Joey comes out and they are fucking happy as hell and equally annoying.

Jack tells Dad he is staying. Dad is like, damn, if I was a better dad maybe you wouldn’t be gay, and I think you don’t have to stay that way. Just choose to stop being gay, son.

Pacey and Andie are on their date and they go to where they first danced and first kissed and talk about how deliriously happy they were on that day…even though they hated each other. They dance again and make stupid awkward voices at each other. Then she cries and is like, Pacey, I have to go get better. She cries more and says no goodbyes and I wonder if I was suffering from serious mental deficiencies as a teen because I bet I sang and cried right along with Andie and wanted to be a romantic and tragic little mental patient myself.

Joey is in pyjamas that look like old windows. And I think Dawson built her a surprise piece of fence. LIKE A WHITE PICKET FENCE. Dawson is gonna be all up in her front yard all summer he says.

Jen is at the bus station and Jack runs up to say goodbye. Turns out Jen’s mom said thanks but no thanks, so that’s not where she is going. Jack tells her that her parents should love her, but it sucks worse for them than it does for her. He crumples up her ticket and is like you gonna be my new roommate teardrop.

Dawson is at the restaurant and Joey’s dad is looking at a giant bag of, like, crack or something hidden in a vase.

big ole bag o crack

big ole bag o crack

Joey strolls in and they make out and she is like “what’s wrong?” Dawson says “Nothing…” and she buys it.

whaaat

what

my mouth says nothing by my eyebrow says….

my mouth says nothing by my eyebrow says….

Jack hugs Andie as she leaves and Dad does a mini-speech about not being a good dad. Pacey comes to look at Andie one last time and to tell her thank you for making me a worthy human being. Then he kisses her on the forehead and is like enjoy your lobotomy, check ya on the other side.

Jack and Pacey watch them drive away.

Dawson talks about arcs on film and how not everyone has one. But how love is change and cut to Joey passed out in her homework.

last known survivor

last known survivor

MVA goes to: who gives a shit really, because no one even read this far.