Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 5, Episode 10 – Appetite For Destruction

Jack, Audrey, Joey and Pacey are at Grams’ house and Pacey’s making dinner and Audrey’s being annoying and useless. Joey asks Jack where Dawson and Jen are, and he replies a lie they told about soaking up the atmosphere.

But actually now they’re just outside and Dawson is zipping up something on his Jeep. He has a Jeep? He’s, like, 19 and barely even a student. Fuck him and his Jeep.

Outside the house, Jen is worrying a bit about how to tell people about their new relationship thing, and Dawson is all high on the newfound wonders of sex so he gives no shits. He’s like, meh to other people, let’s just enjoy what we’re doing.

But whatever, they come inside and kiss and everyone pops out to get a peek.

We like to watch.

We like to watch.

Pacey and Jack look pretty jazzed for Dawson, as the menfolk are wont to be when they see a virgin pal of theirs finally get some. But let me guess… Joey’s not going to like it!

CREDITS

Everyone’s awkwardly and silently eating their dinner, complete with candlelight. As mentioned, the dudes were fine with this and Audrey has no social graces, so everyone must be on eggshells for fucking Joey.

They make uncomfortable small talk and then Audrey smashes risotto on her shirt on purpose and drags Joey away from the table to “help” her with it.

In the bathroom, Joey brushes off the kiss she saw as no big deal like, oh, they had a fun weekend, who cares? And Audrey’s like, nononono, they’re totally doing it. And now Joey looks upset, bu insists she has no reaction about it.

Jen then excuses herself from the table and is sticking to the rice pretence. She knocks on the bathroom door and offers Audrey a spare shirt and she accepts and leaves Joey in there.

Back at the dinner table, Pacey takes the wordy lead and attempts to extract info out of Dawson about his weekend with Jen, and in a roundabout way inquires about the sex. Joey comes out of the bathroom and walks off. Dawson says he’s not talking about it and follows Joey.

When he’s gone, Jack’s like, he totally did it. Pacey’s not sure because it’s Dawson they’re talking about, but Jack’s sure because he knows Jen. Then they mention they’ve both nearly slept with Jen and Pacey’s like, what does it take then? Jack says, a virgin straight guy.

In the kitchen, Dawson is giving Joey the Reader’s Digest version of how things happened with Jen, what with the honeymoon suite, and that there’s no graceful way to have this conversation. Joey’s all, what conversation? It was just a kiss.

Uh, honeymoon suite?

Yeah, so someone else actually wanted to sleep with me? So...

Yeah, so someone else actually wanted to sleep with me? So…

Joey then realizes Dawson lost his virginity to Jen rather than hang onto it indefinitely for her, and she’s like, let’s not make this a thing. Then she leaves the kitchen and it’s totally going to be a thing.

At the table, Pacey announces there’s more courses to come and insists they be eaten. He gets up to get them, Joey offers help, which is declined, which is forced on him anyway, and Audrey and Jack jump up to run into the kitchen too.

Dawson and Jen talk about how everyone knows and they have a little intimate moment that Audrey witnesses through a crack in the door and makes a face. Well, quit watching! Heck.

They all then talk loudly in the kitchen in a way Dawson and Jen would totally be able to hear, and try again to leave the dinner. Audrey mocks Pacey’s roast chicken in the oven and Joey wants him to take it out early to get the dinner over with faster, and then Jack agrees and Pacey actually agrees to this like no chef ever fucking would. And that shit would not fly with the hipsters of today. Serve improperly cooked chicken? Rather than muscle through some awkwardness in a quaint century home with vintage china and a properly and deliciously cooked lemon chicken? Pfft, fucking amateurs.

Joey comes out of the kitchen and Dawson gets up to go into it. Jen tells Joey she didn’t plan this romance. Joey tells Jen she’s a good person and this is exactly what Dawson needs– right now. Yeah, that little bit at the end sorta adds some snotty subtext, if you ask me.

At the table, Pacey’s getting some grief about the chicken not being done. Fucking hell… THIS IS WHAT YOU ASKED FOR.

Uh, the undercooked chicken I asked for is too undercooked!

Uh, the undercooked chicken I asked for is too undercooked!

Oh, and get a load of the dish:

Why couldn't you wait?!

Why couldn’t you wait?!

These are the most ungrateful friends, like, ever. Push a guy to ruin his entree and then complain about the entree, which would’ve been amazing had they not been such dicks.

Dawson reveals he’s learned about a film school in Boston that he’s now checking out. Jack suggests he move into Grams’ (With Jen!) and everyone snickers and Dawson says it’s a possibility and Audrey then flips more food on her shirt to drag Joey away again. This girl is off her gourd.

In the kitchen, Joey’s like quit throwing food on yourself and dragging me away. Audrey wants her to spill her guts and Joey says if her heart was broken by this she’d have no right to feel that way. Which actually I agree. She jerked him around for years and now he’s finally with someone else.

The doorbell rings and Jen answers it. And it’s Charlie making puppy dog eyes.

Everyone minus Jen and Charlie are sitting down to dinner for the salad course, and Jack’s talking smack about Charlie. Dawson gets up to see what the hold-up is, and perhaps to protect his turf.

Pacey tries to stop him, again with wordy reasons that make lots of sense but which no 19-year-old boy would ever say (About appearing needy and sizing up the competition), and Dawson is not persuaded. He pops his head out and Jen says she’ll be back in one minute.

Charlie gives her back a T-shirt and says he and Nora aren’t together now. Wow, a romance option to be second choice! Buddy, you’re not that good looking. Jen’s like, nope, I gots a Dawson. Charlie leaves and Jen returns to the table.

Now Joey is a little bothered by some subtle PDA and goes for more salad in the kitchen so now Dawson gets up again and follows her. Shit, just get through this dinner already. Everyone’s getting up and down instead of eating this fancy homecooked meal.

Now Jack wants to change the music so he asks Jen to get up. Ugh! they go to the CD player (Hee!) and he starts giving her guff about the timing of this new relationship like it’s any of his business. Then the conversation shifts to the deteriorating quality of their relationship. Jen says he even used to know how she liked her coffee and now they’re distant. I blame the frat shit.

At the table, only Pacey and Audrey remain and I gotta say he’s pretty zen about the major disrespect his friends are paying him with bailing on this dinner even though they’re all still in the house.

In the kitchen, Joey is not getting more salad, she’s washing a dish over and over. Dawson tells her she doesn’t have to pretend to be fine if she’s not fine. And then she asks if he misses her, and there’s this distance and, lady, you tried to break up with him via voicemail message.

He tries to explain that basically his feelings changed after his dad died (I’m thinking he just no longer had any energy for her hot/cold come here/go away shit?) and that going away with Jen felt great, like starting over.

Joey’s like, you couldn’t start over with me? And he tells her being around her hurts now because there’s too much associated with her. (Plus she’s a dick).

It’s finally dessert and Pacey’s serving up a wicked good-looking chocolate cake. Joey asks if there’s “expresso” in the centre. They start talking about how far apart they’ve grown. Jack takes the opportunity to pour cream in Jen’s coffee. Then they talk about how lucky they are to still all know each other after high school.

Then Grams shows up, looking pleased her lace tablecloth is being used for a dinner party. Audrey, who’s been complaining about a lack of a Grams all night, finally gets to meet her.

Before Grams goes to bed with a slice of chocolate cake, she tells Dawson it’s too late for him to go home so he’ll spend the night with them. Oooohhhwoooooo!

And just like that, the dinner party breaks up. Joey, Audrey and Jack leave the party and the clean-up. Pacey, who cooked all day on his day off when it’s not even his house, starts the cleaning.

In the kitchen, Jen wants to know if Pacey has any commentary about her relationship and, no, he just wants her to be happy. Jen then tells him not to clean up because she and Dawson will do it.

Outside, Pacey catches up with the three and Audrey drags Jack off to go to a gay bar.

Pacey and Joey talk about finding themselves, or something, and Joey admits she was happy someone else would take care of Dawson for awhile, but that she didn’t like feeling replaced.

And there it is. That ain’t love. It’s something, sure, but not love.

Jen shows Dawson an attic room. This massive house that Jack isn’t even living in anymore and he gets the attic?

They talk and snuggle on the twin bed. Probably no sex at Grams’ house.

Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 4, Episode 22 – The Graduate

Time for graduation. In Capeside they apparently have to practice it before the actual ceremony which takes a boring thing and makes it even more boring, which, when you think about it is sort of this show’s M.O.

Joey has to make a big speech which isn’t ready (saving both us and her classmates from enduring it twice). Pacey is in so much danger of flunking he’s not even allowed to attend the practice.

Everyone wants to see Pacey succeed. We are treated to this info from a number of heartfelt convos.

Toby tries to force Jack to call him his bf. Then Toby says “What if she doesn’t like me?” and my whole damn day is ruined because this must be the legendary show where ANDIE COMES BACK.

SOMETIMES THEY COME BACK.

Drue tries to crawl in Jen’s window as I wonder why my teen friends and I didn’t have more ladders. She wraps him in one of Gram’s quilts and they talk about how his parents don’t love him.

Pacey is writing the big exam. He only brought one pencil and breaks it immediately. Teach gives him one, and Pacey goes on a big rant about how no one cares about the slow kids and storms out.

Joey wants to fix it and he tells her to hit the road.

Outta nowhere Bess hands Joey a letter from her dead mom. That strikes me as something that coulda used a bit of stickhandling, no?

AND THERE SHE IS THE DEVIL

You thought I was gone forever

You thought I was gone forever

Whyyyy.

Jack intros Toby as bf, so that’s settled.

Joey takes her letter to Dawson so he can read it.

After a giant sap party we move on to a party for giant saps. Andie rubs in how much fun she had in Italy and it is as annoying as you think it is.

Andie is better than you

Andie is better than you

Pacey’s teacher shows up at his house to offer him a chance to write the test, and to tell him that it is dodos like Pacey that keep him teaching.

Jen and Drue get busted trying to reset the sprinklers to go off during grad. Their punishment is to listen to the principal guy play the cello terribly.

Andie is a bitch to Dawson about his breakup. Then her and Pacey talk forever. He passed high school in case any of you were worried.

Pacey runs into Joey and they make nice and act weird.

Pacey is grinning his face-off at empty grad before taking off to his new job and skipping the ceremony. Meanwhile Joey is bitching at Bess about being late. Bess tackles her with a lipstick again while Jann Arden croons Good Mother in the background.

The Dawsons and their infant prepare to go to grad (they are bringing Dawson’s little sis too, har har). They give him a watch or something else that looks engravable.

Pacey is packing for his boat and his bro is actually being nice.

Joey gives her speech with some female rendition of “fields of gold” in the background (they musta blew the music budget on this one). Then the sprinklers go off. Oh Drue. Everyone is spinny and smiling and slow mo. THE END

Grads

Grads

more grads

more grads

Joey

Joey

Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 4, Episode 3 – The Two Gentlemen of Capeside

Opening scene is an English class where the teacher is talking about The Two Gentlemen of Verona, thus immediately setting the stage for the theme of this week’s episode. The guy behind Joey plays with her hair (What? Weird) and she threatens him. I remember eventually snarking at some jerk in high school who was snapping my bra strap well after the fact. But she tolerates far less shit than I did.

This guy (Drue Valentine from last episode, rich fella) A. tells her he’s the new guy and she’s not nice and B. says she doesn’t seem popular and is, thus, useless to him. The teacher then calls on Joey to explain the book. Ironically it’s about two guys and the girl who comes between them. The teacher makes a Bad ’90s reference to Two Guys a Girl and a Pizza Place and no one laughs, including me.

Please quit your day job.

Please quit your day job.

Joey thinks the story of the two guys is too simplistic and that in real life love triangles are more complex. Dawson scoffs and the teacher calls him out on it. Then Joey and Dawson start arguing about their situation– err, the book and the new guy Drue raises his hand. He wants Dawson and Joey to give a prepared debate.

Who the fuck is this guy? Who does that? The teacher loves the idea and sticks Drue with also participating in the debate as well. And I don’t see how a teacher can hand out large public speaking assignments to only a fraction of the class, but this is TV. Anyway, it’s due tomorrow because why not. Always good to see a teacher wing a curriculum unevenly among his students on a whim.

At Jen’s house, she’s running very late for school because she spent the morning being pissed off about Henry, and Grams is giving her shit for wasting her time. She puts a “24-hour cap on melancholy” and sends Jen to school with an umbrella because of the prediction in the Farmer’s Almanac, something she apparently keeps up with.

At school, Jen’s arrived, and Joey and Dawson plan to prepare their debate at the Yacht Club while Joey’s working. How would that not get her fired? Pacey approaches and Dawson hits the dusty trail.

Turns out Pacey has gotten his first A, and he credits Joey. Didn’t his time with Andie garner him some sort of A ever? No? Huh.

He wants her to go sailing with him tonight since it’s the last good day of the season, unless that Almanac is to be believed, of course. Jen? Any thoughts on the weather? Nope. In fact, when Joey says she can’t go, Jen offers to go instead. Grams and her umbrellas be damned.

At Andie’s house, she’s asking for hair advice from Jack for a college interview at the Yacht Club. But Jack’s not that kind of gay guy and he gives no shits about his sister’s hair. They talk about Andie’s new meds for a bit because she feels dizzy. Ooh, foreshadowing.

At Dawson’s house, his parents are sick. He tells them if they’d stop screwing each other they’d stop passing their germs back and forth. That ain’t how viruses work, young grasshopper.

They talk about Dawson’s project with Joey and they’re worried about him. He’s annoyed that they’re worried. Before he leaves there’s hints of bad weather afoot. Dun dun dun!

And there’s Jen and Pacey out on the water. Well, that’s going to be a problem. Pacey’s worried that Joey’s spending time with her ex-soul mate and Jen’s like, meh, I think all teenage relationships are doomed right now, so sorry.

Then the boat does this and no one freaks out.

I want out.

I want out.

Jen asks Pacey if he checked the weather. Lady, do you listen to nothing Grams says ever? Pacey said he did and the storm is going to pass them. I’ve got 5 bucks on the Farmer’s Almanac.

At the Yacht Club, Drue takes a call on his cell phone and the looks on Joey and Dawson’s faces literally makes me burst out laughing. Yes, kids, at the turn of the millennium, this would have been the height of rudeness. Ah, life has changed.

Ahead of his time.

Ahead of his time.

Dawson: “Unbelievable.”
Joey: “Unacceptable!”

Joey physically takes the phone out of his hands mid-call. She tells the woman on the other end Drue will get back to her when his syphilis clears up and hangs up the phone. Wow.

Drue looks mildly annoyed and says “That was rude.” Joey counters it’s ruder to take a call on a cell phone. Joey would be about 33 years old now. I wonder if today’s cell phone etiquette would have her gasping for her smelling salts. Though, in all seriousness, I do kinda miss the days life wasn’t interrupted by calls and texts while out. Ah, nostalgia.

Drue talks about Joey and Dawson’s sexual tension and says Dawson is like Luke, which is not what the Princess wants, which is bad boy Han. Um, Luke was her brother. No one corrects him, but Joey does call him Jabba the Hut. Drue gets up and leaves and an old grumpy guy walks in wanting some dinner.

Grumpy Gus talks about a storm that’s coming, which worries Joey because Pacey took Jen out on the boat. She asks Drue if he’s heard anything about a storm and he says no. He takes another call on his cell while watching Baywatch and misses the weather warning displaying at the bottom of the screen.

At Andie’s interview, the rain has started. She and Drue’s mom, Mrs. Valentine, are going over her accomplishments at school and they get to Andie’s medical leave of absence and the posh Mrs. V gets all soft spoken when she learns about her about mental illness.

Dawson and Joey talk about the book, and then about themselves and Pacey. Dawson says he doesn’t want to be friends with Pacey again because Pacey wasn’t even sorry, whereas Joey was.

The storm, however, is freaking Joey out and she rushes to the TV to check the weather report, which says this is the biggest storm in 30 years. Of course, we break records like this all the time these days what with climate change and all. And considering they just had a hurricane in season one, I’d say this is actually pretty true to life.

Out at sea, Jen and Pacey are fighting the storm. They’re arguing about getting the weather report, and then a wave splashes them and the radio sparks and goes on the fritz. Did no one think to instal a water-resistant radio on this sailboat?

At Andie’s interview, she’s saying her greatest strength and weakness is her tenacity. Mrs. Valentine asks if her weakness is not her mental illness. These days, I think Andie would have a law suit on her hands for that one.

Then she’s like, you’re probably too mental for the ivy leagues, have you thought about state school? Andie stands up for herself and then we hear the storm worsen. This lady, though, is done. She wishes Andie all the best and pretty much shuts down the interview.

Joey tells Dawson Jen and Pacey are out on the boat and he’s appropriately concerned. Jack bursts in soaking wet looking for Andie, who is bummed about her shit interview. A man named Bruce comes in to let Mrs. Valentine know three boats are out and need assistance.

Joey asks about True Love and Bruce is like nope. Joey insists to him that it’s out at sea and a window smashes from the hurricane.

Out on the boat, Jen’s starting to lose it and Pacey’s promising her the boat won’t capsize. He tells her he’s taking them to a small cove for protection. As Jen takes Pacey to task, “Who will know where we are? How will anyone find us?” Pacey says that Dawson will know.

And in the very next scene he does, and points out the island where he think Pacey will go. Bruce says that island is no damn good, and he’ll send out someone to look for True Love once the other boats are in.

Dawson then says he’s going to go get them. Drue then offers up a boat they can use. And this sounds like a royally shit idea with an act of altruism that came outta nowhere. Unless this guy just likes some drama and doesn’t care about sending some classmates out to their possible deaths.

Just a light sprinkling

Just a light sprinkling

Meanwhile, Pacey and Jen are making their way to this cove. Pacey has about a summer’s worth of sailing experience to his credit and I suppose we’re supposed to believe that gives him enough expertise to handle this situation.

Dawson and Joey hop on a boat and set off, amid Dawson’s arguments that he wants to go alone. Alone, together, whatever, it’s still reckless. God, I’m old.

While everyone’s scrambling in the Yacht Club, Mrs. V is asking where Joey is to sweep up glass and Drue sells them out and says they took the grumpy old man’s boat out to find their friends. That’s more like it.

Andie starts taking charge of the situation and tells Jack to move the tables to brace against the storm. Mrs. V is like, you can’t just move the tables! (Why not?) Andie’s like, you have better ideas? No? Then shush! She tells Mrs. V to call Jen and Dawson’s families (Not Pacey’s you’ll notice, but they don’t give a shit about him anyway. Why Bess doesn’t get a call, who knows. Maybe they couldn’t get the actress this episode or didn’t want to pay her.) She gets Grumpy Gus to help her radio Joey and Dawson and tells Drue to sweep. He doesn’t want to, but Andie makes him with her highly effective nagging.

On the boat, Pacey is trying to keep things light while Jen slowly descends into a freakout. Instead of offering helpful suggestions for survival, Jen wants to make confessions, which people typically only do if they think they’re going to die. Jen’s not good for morale. Pacey’s not into the idea since he plans to live.

Jen then wants to talk regrets, and Pacey says he has none. Jen says she regrets never having fallen in love.

Pacey takes a moment and beck-peddles, saying he regrets the way things are with him and Dawson. Jen thinks he should tell him, just to say it.

Andie’s radioing Joey and Pacey and Dawson seems to have a lot of knowledge about sailing and coordinates. But the radio loses frequency and that’s that. But look, they found the True Love somehow and they tie the boats together.

Jen hops onto the stolen boat and when Pacey refuses to leave his boat/home, Dawson jumps on the True Love. All this hopping boats during a hurricane. Unwise. Dawson’s yelling at him, but it’s Joey calling for him that convinces him to make the leap, just in time to avoid a timely wave.

Or a hose from the crew.

Or a hose from the crew.

They make it back to shore, the True Love abandoned at sea, and families are there to hug the kids.

The grumpy old man is there too and gives Dawson shit about the gash now in his boat. Dawson offers to fix it with his savings for college. Grams butts in and threatens the old man with an ass-kicking if she finds out Dawson pays for the repairs after being so heroic.

I kinda see the old guy’s point, though. I mean, no foul taking the boat for a good cause, but why should he have to pay for the gash himself?

As Andie and Jack are leaving, Mrs. V has changed her tune about Andie. Jack, though, threatens to tell the university what a cunt she is. Andie tells her to shove it. Admittedly, Mrs. Valentine is the worst, but is burning this bridge really a good idea? Maybe I’m just a little jaded from the post-’90s economy. Good luck, Andie.

Joey and Pacey are talking, and Joey wants to talk about how scared she was, but has no patience for Pacey grieving the loss of his boat. Joey gets her way and they embrace. Then they talk about Dawson and the damaged friendship.

Dawson is watching from a distance and his dad comes up and is like, no fair, eh? You save the day and still don’t get the girl. Well, maybe that’s because life doesn’t really work that way? Mitch sounds like he’s trying to infect his son with a case of Nice Guy Syndrome. But then he tells him he’ll always look back on this and remember he did a great thing.

Grams and Jen are walking outside and Grams can’t find her keys and is shaky over her scare. Jen gives her a pep talk about how out at sea she still had hope. Which, you know, I really don’t think she did. But it’s making Grams feel better, so what’s a white lie?

Don't scare old people.

Don’t scare old people.

Grams works in the opportunity to push some church on Jen, but no dice.

Jen retrieves Grams’ keys from the Yacht Club and runs into Drue, and turns out they know each other. And haven’t run into one another in the halls at high school? Really? Looks like Jen’s got herself a nemesis of sorts.

A lot of people from Jen’s past certainly seem to find their way to this town.

Next day, Pacey goes to Dawson’s house to thank him, which Dawson accepts. Then he apologizes, which is what Dawson told Joey made a difference in his continued albeit stilted friendship with her.

And actually, Dawson sort of accepts the apology without rekindling the friendship, so that’s probably the best outcome Pacey could have hoped for.

MVA: Jen’s bad idea: “We should be doing that confession thing, you know, like they do in movies where the plane’s about to hit down or the meteor’s going to crash into North America and all the characters confess the secrets that have been plaguing their mortal souls.”

Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 3, Episode 20 – The Longest Day

Opening scene has Joey narrating, “Have you ever had one of those days you wish you could live all over again?”

And now we know this is going to be a Special Episode.

Everyone is at the marina to christen Pacey’s boat, which he has somehow managed to get in shipshape in a very short period of time. Seriously, it was a piece of crap 16 episodes ago. He had school and a crummy minimum wage job eating up most of his time, plus all the shenanigans. Where did he get the time and money to manage this?

But no matter that. Dawson has shown up with his dad and the champagne, and Pacey and Joey are making out in a boat house. And between going at it, they’re talking about Dawson, and Pacey says he’ll be the one to break his heart into a thousand pieces. He agrees to do it in one day. THE LONGEST DAY. Joey has said in the past that she loved Dawson so much but couldn’t be with him because reasons and “it’s complicated” and now she’s moved on to Pacey after a few others haven’t worked out. But this time it’s real and worth hurting the poor bastard she’d pined after all her life.

Cue the credits, while I ponder the fickle nature that is Joey’s heart.

At the marina, Buzz is there, being a lame wiener kid, and Doug pops by to tell Pacey that Buzz’s mom (Who’s already an hour late) can’t pick him up until the rest of the day is over. Uh. Does anyone on earth have a babysitter they can pull that shit with? I’m unclear how Pacey got roped into this manny situation.

Pacey literally passes him off to Doug and says, nope, I got things to do!

Screen Shot 2015-02-09 at 1.38.29 PM

Buzz the buzzkill

At Jen’s house, Grams is leaving her “unchaperoned” and is worried about Henry’s sexual magnetism. Jen assures Grams she can handle it, which probably means, like, literally physically handle it. Hey-o!

She then finds Pacey standing outside the Leery house. He is working up the nerve to tell Dawson about Joey, and Jen is compassionately talking him through it. She’s a bigger person than me, seeing as she was more or less rejected by both these guys who are gaga over Joey.

Mitch comes out and tells them that Dawson’s over at the library.

So off Pacey goes, where he runs into a happy Andie, who says “free books make me giddy.” Then that Will guy from last episode comes by, Pacey says hi, and turns out he’s going out with Andie that night. I’d just like to point out that with real teenagers, this would be a way more dramatic and awkward situation.

Andie says she hasn’t seen Dawson, so Pacey leaves to go pick up Buzz. Buzz, meanwhile, has destroyed Doug’s answering machine and is jumping on his bed like a total shithead. Like, really, this kid has no boundaries and I think we’re actually supposed to find it cute. Buzz is gifted some Pokemon Blue for his troubles. This annoying, disobedient child needs less video games and more yard work in his life.

Doug gets the 411 on Pacey and Joey and his take on it is that Joey and Dawson will remain friends and Pacey will wind up alone. Thanks, Doug.

It’s now evening and Pacey is at the Leery house again and Joey stops him at the door, insisting she has to tell him or it will somehow “ruin everything.” Pacey realizes that Joey really means she doesn’t want Dawson to know at all. Then, boom. Dawson’s in the doorway all foreboding like.

Tell me what?

Tell me what?

He wants to know what they’re arguing about and Pacey takes the opportunity to just spill the beans.

And then after the break, Joey yet again says, “Have you ever had one of those days you wish you could live all over again?” So now we’re starting the day all over again. But that would have been obvious without that piece of repetitious narration. The writers have a habit of not really giving their audience too much credit.

Alright, back at the marina, Dawson and Mitch show up with the champagne. This time we get to hear the boring conversation the group has while they unknowingly wait for Joey and Pacey to stop making out. Pacey then shows up and Dawson goes to show him the champagne bottle.

Joey immediately shows up after and Jen gives her some side eye because she’s onto them entirely.

Then she’s making date plans with Henry while Joey waits so she can tell her all about her illicit doings with Pacey.

Yes, that is a teen girl using a phone booth. Retro!

Yes, that is a teen girl using a phone booth. Retro!

They then go on a walk and Joey lays it all out. Jen obviously thinks Joey should tell Dawson and Joey says she knows she’s going to come out looking like the villainess who came between two best friends. She then pays Jen the backhanded compliment of saying she wishes she were more like her, the sort who just does whatever she wants (Unspoken, despite the consequences of hurting others).

At the library, Joey’s there and sees Pacey talking casually to Andie. She then has this really exhausted look on her face about it for some reason.

*Sigh* It's so tiring being me.

*Sigh* It’s so tiring being me.

She then gets to work at the computer and Andie pops over to remind her of the 20-minute time limit. Chill out, Andie. While Andie waits, she blathers on about Will, but then bursts out that she’s not over Pacey, and that running into him opened the flood gates of feelings. Womp womp. But who cares about Andie? I know I sure don’t.

Joey bumps into Dawson outside the library and he wants to make plans for a movie night and she completely blows him off and gets the hell away from that conversation with as little grace as possible.

She then leaves a message for Pacey on the answering machine (Which was destroyed by stupid Buzz) about not telling Dawson so that she can do it herself.

Now it’s nighttime and Joey is quickly climbing the ladder to Dawson’s room while he’s watching a movie in which two men are yelling about a woman. So foreshadowing, he already knows, right? She asks if Pacey has been there (Nope) and then notices Dawson’s watching The Last Picture Show, which they had watched together on their first date.

Joey wants to know about the movie and it’s about three friends, two dudes and a lady, who grew up together. Two had a relationship, the woman ends it and breaks Dude 1’s heart and doesn’t care, and then moves onto the second guy, which destroys the friendship he had with Dude 1. Dawson then says it’s depressing and doesn’t know why he’s watching it. Then he asks what Joey wanted to talk about.

I’ve never had a conversation in my life as poorly set up as this. Has anyone? This is the sort of ironic cliche conversation halter that only happens on TV. Anyhoo, Joey chickens out and flees the room via the ladder, and then runs into Pacey, and we already know how that conversation goes and what happens, only we see Dawson overhearing their conversation from his room, and Dawson admits he knows everything already after Pacey tells him.

And now the day is starting alllll over again and here’s Joey narrating with her line, and I feel like this concept is hitting me over the head with a mallet.

Marina: Dawson & Mitch, champagne, boring conversation, frigging Buzz is there, Pacey & Joey are making out.  And this time we see the end of their kissing and decide that Pacey will leave first.

And this time we actually see the christening, complete with Joey giving Dawson an awkward look and Pacey thanking a guy named Chris. Who’s Chris? Is it that random guy I see with everyone else? No, that’s the throwaway character Will from last episode. Pacey then says the boat’s name, True Love, while looking right at Joey. Subtle. He then smashes the bottle over the boat, though Buzz is sitting on said boat just feet away. Babysitter fail.

The guy on the far left, is that Chris?

The guy on the far left has defied expectations: two episodes!

But in the next scene Dawson is in the library and the bland Will guy comes and wants to know what Dawson and Joey did on their first date to get ideas for Andie. Weird, may as well ask, “So, how did that failed romance with Joey start out?” Dawson offers Will the use of his boat because why not? Dawson says tonight he’ll be trying to hook up with an old friend.

I looked him up. He was in last episode, this one, and next and that’s it. Huh. Well, enjoy the boat, buddy, ’cause your stay on this show is short.

At Jen’s, Henry’s complaining that he’s not allowed in the house. He starts to kiss her, Jen sees Dawson coming and literally shoos Henry inside without a word of explanation. Then she closes the door on him to talk to Dawson. Poor Henry, no respect. And just what kind of an interaction is this? Any normal person would immediately open the door and be like, “Uh, aren’t you coming in, too?”

But that doesn’t happen and Jen starts talking about the terrible news that Pacey gave him. She does so in a way that suggests she thought he was told and was over looking for comfort, but… eh, that doesn’t seem believable because who does that, you know, just assumes so much and spills important private information without gauging the person first? Oh wait, the writers make people do that. Right.

But Dawson’s like, uh, what? And then Jen clams up, like oh shit, whoops, and Dawson is able to guess almost immediately. He’s now mad at Jen in a kill-the-messenger sort of way and storms off.

And now we re-watch the part where Joey comes through the window and Dawson gives her the bit about the movie people’s friendships being destroyed. Only this time we see Dawson’s reaction as she leaves, and he takes her abrupt departure as confirmation of what Jen halfway told him. And we see him watching Joey and Pacey hold hands arguing about telling Dawson about them.

And now we get to see the aftermath of the reveal. Dawson throws Jen under the bus first. Then he tells Pacey he’s not going to have any friends left. And now here’s Andie and Will, either to pick up or drop off the boat, I suppose. And Dawson lets Andie know Pacey and Joey are involved.

An angry face to rival Joey's normal face.

An angry face to rival Joey’s normal face.

After Dawson disappears back into the house after his angry rant, we see a replay of him leaving Jen’s house, so now I guess we’ll get her perspective. At least Joey’s not narrating again.

So, Henry pops out the door just as Dawson is leaving in a huff, having been in there for a few minutes, just standing there, I guess? Jen vaguely tells him what just happened and after briefly consoling her, he goes in for the kiss. She’s like, WTF? And he tells her his abrupt kisses aren’t improving her mood because she’s not giving it a chance and then tries again. Uh, whoa. Creep?

Jen’s like, don’t you care what just happened? Don’t you want to know? And Henry’s like, no, I wanna make out, not talk about your dramatic friends. Jen shows him the door. Then he calls her irrational, which couldn’t be a ruder thing to say in this moment. Jen gives him the boot and he leaves.

Out on the lake, it’s nighttime and Andie’s on her date with Will. He tells her a depressing Greek myth.

Then they show up at Dawson’s place, just as the shit is hitting the fan. Joey runs after Dawson and Andie asks Pacey if it’s true he’s with Joey. And then she tells him Joey will never love him the way she loves Dawson, but it all just sounds like self-pity that he loves Joey instead of her. Will, meanwhile, is watching this shit show and wondering what the fuck he wandered into.

Upstairs, Dawson is laying into Joey, and is making, I must say, valid points. She wants to find herself, but thinks Pacey is the answer? Joey says things between them are complicated, but Dawson says only because she made them that way.

She tries to say her thing with Pacey has nothing to do with him (Good luck with that argument) and Dawson effective tells her being with Pacey means he won’t be her friend. Which, we all saw that coming because we’re people. But Joey is like, WHAT?!

Wat U MEAN NO friends?!

Y U MEAN NO friends?!

And then she screams, “That is not fair!” Okay, really? The fight ends with her climbing down the ladder.

Later on, Dawson’s brooding in his dark bedroom, no doubt torturing himself with thoughts of Joey and Pacey doin’ stuff, and Jen walks in to comfort him. Dawson, having relived his anger at the correct target is now just disappointed Jen didn’t tell him earlier.

Jen tells him there’s nothing anyone can do in a situation like this, that it has to run its course and he has to let her go. Dawson thinks you can fight. (No, no you can’t.)

Joey goes to meet Pacey at his boat and– oh fuck off– says, “Have you ever had one of those days you wish you could live all over again?” We get it. Enough.

But it’s so poorly worded. No, it was a terrible day. Why re-live it? Re-do maybe.

They talk a little about their shitty day, about the boat and then Pacey asks if Joey’s ending it, and she is.

So just to get this straight, immediately after Pacey and Dawson’s friendship is destroyed, she’s ending the relationship so she can still be friends with Dawson, leaving Pacey in the dust with no best friend or girlfriend for his troubles.

Most Annoying Articulation: “Have you ever had one of those days you wish you could live all over again?”

Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 3, Episode 18 – Neverland

Well, here we are, opening scene, and Pacey is laying one on Joey.

Smoochey

Smoochey

And then Pacey breaks away and on the next beat, Joey is pushing him around and yelling and acting like it was a one-sided thing when the photo above suggests otherwise. She then rants about the huge implications of that kiss on their universe. If the writers of this show understand anything well, it’s the massive ego of the average asshole teenager.

Pacey says a kiss is just a kiss, and you let me do it, so hush. But Joey’s like, what about Dawson? And now she wants to walk home now, even though Pacey is hollering at her to get in the car. And of course she’s all walking her ass home in the cold with him driving slowly alongside her pleading, and this is obviously not about actually walking home in a fit of righteous indignation, but rather about punishing him by wasting his time.

$5 says she gets back in the car.

And she does.

Yep.

Yep. Back in the car. 10 seconds.

And with a rousing game of “Fine.” “Fine!” FINE!” they’re off, not speaking to each other and the opening credits roll.

So now Pacey and Joey are talking to big sibs Bess and Doug about the kiss in the style of Grease’s he-said, she-said song Summer Lovin’. Pacey did this, Joey did that. And just to bring another movie into it, Doug compares Pacey’s situation to Speed (In this terrible metaphor, Joey is the bus. I guess not everyone in Capeside is a gifted linguist).

Oh, Joey and Bess were discussing it over making a big breakfast, scrambled eggs and pancakes. I thought they were cooking that for guests at the B&B, but nope. Are there no guests at this place?

Anyhoo, Bess is like, n’ah, can’t help you, sorry. Doug tells Pacey to diffuse the bomb that is Dawson and then he can be with Joey. Pfft. Good luck, jerk! Doug actually thinks Pacey can get Dawson to say that his friendship with him means more than his feelings for Joey. Oh, and that he’ll be happy Pacey told him. Doug’s pretty stupid.

Andy and Jack are eating cereal outside and Andy’s obnoxiously complaining about her bad shower and having two tests that day. Jack is excited Ethan’s coming for the weekend. Except that his homophobic dad’s home instead of gone like planned. Whoops.

At school, Jen is telling Henry she knows about his birthday and has a plan to celebrate it. Henry looks like he’s holding in a huge fart. He says there’s a family thing so he can’t, and no friends are invited. He couldn’t look more like a liar right now.

Is she buying this shit?

Is she buying this shit?

And right on cue, a football player comes around the corner and is like, “Hey, see you at your party tomorrow!” And Jen’s like, uh, you’re having a birthday party and not inviting me? She leaves for class, wicked pissed and Henry offers no explanation. If this were me, this relationship would be o-v-e-r.

In the cafeteria, Pacey sits down with Dawson (With Joey watching from a distance) and Dawson’s telling him how their old stomping ground is going to be bulldozed. Hey… do you think that’s going to be where Pacey wants to tell Dawson about Joey? Hmmm… So very subtle.

Joey, meanwhile, is sitting with Andie, ex-girlfriend to the guy she just kissed, who thinks Joey’s acting weird. I was just thinking, I don’t know how many friendships could survive Andie’s false rape accusation or her general shrillness. It’s like she gets a re-set button every episode for how much shit everyone is willing to put up with.

Pacey suggests to Dawson they go camping at their old fort before it’s gone, and Dawson thinks it’s just a fun thing to do instead of the swift stab to his heart that Pacey’s got planned.

Jen sits down with the girls and says her boyfriend’s a liar. And no one asks for follow-up. That’s cold. Jen then says she has a bad track record with boys. And STILL no one asks what’s up. Then fucking Andie says other girls don’t have these kinds of problems like they do (Only these teenagers struggle with romance, obvs) because they don’t have girls nights out.

Pretty sure that’s not the issue, but Andie’s an idiot.

I have bad ideas!

I have bad ideas!

She says she needs female bonding and so do they, and since they’re so objectionable that no one else wants their company, it’s on. Henry walks into the cafeteria, sees Jen and makes no attempt at amends. Pretty odd for a guy that nearly stalked her all year. Ooh, I love you, I need you! But don’t come to my birthday party!

At Jack’s house, Pa rolls up early, just in time to see Ethan arrive. He wants a word with his gay son about his gay guest. Jack basically tells him to shove it, he’s not sending his buddy away, and walks off triumphant.

This Buzz kid from last episode is back. I didn’t see him the first time around, but just one minute in and he’s sort of a dick. And I usually really like kids. Actually, I tend to hate kids on TV because TV writers and directors seem to think kids who are precocious assholes are charming. Buzz guilts Pacey about having plans to go camping with his friend without him.

At Jen’s house, Andie’s like, FACIALS! PEDICURES! Boy, she sure knows her audience. She runs away to get what’s needed and Jen and Joey vaguely discuss the absent boys because that’s all they ever really talk about. Jen tells Joey she’s available as a confidante to whatever mysterious shenanigans she’s gotten into. Jen once tried to steal her boyfriend so I don’t know why they’re still trying this friendship thing. Speaking of getting a re-set button.

At Jack’s, he’s planning an innocent game of chess with Ethan. His dad strolls in with a drink and asks to play. And I’m wondering if he understands the concept of chess. Jack tells him to buzz off and quit spying.

Dawson and Joey are hitting up their old hideout and actually it’s a pretty spiffy little structure that makes me want to go back in time and pretend to be a pirate.

Yarr, we stopped playing here when we were 14!

Yarr, we stopped playing here when we were 14!

Dawson takes the moment to say the fort is just ordinary, though he remembered it bigger, so maybe his whole life is just ordinary. (He did experience that epic haunting no one ever talks about, which is rather extraordinary, but who cares about that since it was 11 episodes ago?)

While Dawson’s having an existential crisis brought on by a dilapidated fort, Pacey’s decided now is the right time to bring up Joey. He starts rambling, but stops when Dawson hears a rattling noise. It’s a load of boys on bikes coming right for them. It’s Buzz, who brought two friends to crash the camping trip. Dawson at least looks amused.

The girls now have masks on, only Andie is enjoying it, they’re complaining about boys, and reminiscing about childhood when they could play with boys. Nothing about this episode passes the Bechdel Test. Jen subtly tries to nudge the conversation to what’s been bugging Joey, and she in turn changes the subject entirely to favourite childhood places.

Nyah, nyah!

Nyah, nyah!

Joey says she liked the roller rink, and that prompts Jen to bring out mystery pink gift bags.

At Jack’s house, Ethan diplomatically asks Mr. McPhee to have dinner with them. Jack is unimpressed.

At the camp site, Pacey tells the boys he’s talked to their parents, and before I could ask how he managed to do that, he says, “A 10-year-old with a cell phone is just plain wrong.” Oh man, would he shit his pants today. Though he’s right, a kid that age with a cell in the year 2000 is bullshit.

Dawson tries to tell the kids the plots to movies and the party-crashing boys shit all over it, demanding something original. So he starts telling them a “true” ghost story about a creepy guy named Max who lived in a nearby shed. Not that I thought this would come up twice, but, dude, just tell the Witch Island story! Come on! I’d be telling that one every damn day.

Meanwhile, with the girls, for some reason this is happening:

Bonding!

Bonding!

Okay, so Andie is wearing a hairstyle from the ’40s, and the girls are all glammed up with makeup and boas, and they’re rollerskating in their fucking pyjamas. And they’re just talking boy stuff again, la-dee-da. Joey and Jen look like polished slobs, but Andie is in a silky nightgown. She and Joey take another turn around the rink.

Jen takes a break and notices Henry is hitting a piñata in a party room nearby. So, she walks on over in her PJ and boa and says, “Henry?” The party stops and everyone is staring at her like she’s crazy, which is to be expected when you leave the house looking like the party stops at your neck.

At dinner, Ethan is getting Pa to talk about his old beloved car, obviously building bridges and such. Pa suggests going to a car museum that’s opened lated. Jack is sulking.

At the camp site the boys are sleeping, obviously not too upset about Dawson’s ghost story. Pacey digs up their old time capsule and they go through it. Among various things they find a picture of Joey and the loyalty oath they wrote the day they became blood brothers. Well, this certainly sets the scene well for the “I made out with the love of your life” conversation Pacey wanted to have.

At the roller rink, turns out it was a family birthday party, and Henry’s embarrassed about how juvenile it is, to the point he never bothered to explain the situation and risked her dumping him (Makes sense). Jen’s like, I look like a glossy hobo and you’re embarrassed? Henry says he’ll understand if Jen never wants to talk to him again and zooms off. Jen catches up and tell him she took back his birthday present in a fit of rage and bought angry chick music instead.

At the car museum, Jack is over it and takes Ethan aside and loudly tells him he doesn’t want to spend any more time with the shitty dad who hates him. The shitty dad approaches and says he’s going home. He says he cancelled his business trip to spend time together and is all “I’m not the father you want or need.” Which is all well and good as far as guilt trips go, but he’s been a raging asshole up to this point so…?

At the camp side, Dawson is talking about how he can always be sure of his friendships with Pacey and Joey. Jesus, the writers are really laying it on thick. Usually when you deliver bad news there aren’t any ironic segues beforehand. Normal people drop bombs after talking about lunch or their day at work. Just when you think it isn’t awkward enough, Dawson calls Joey his soulmate.

At Jack’s place, the boys are getting ready for bed, Ethan is setting up a cot and he wants to talk about what happened. Jack is pissed his dad made it look like he’s the victim. Ethan is telling him he needs to work at patching things up with his dad because they’re both victims.

This is the least believable storyline in this whole pile. “Oh, your coming out was met with practically being disowned and shunned in your own house, subjecting you to a year of emotional abuse by your father? As a fellow gay man, I think you should work harder on your relationship with your dad because you need each other!” Pfft. Come on. Ethan hasn’t gots the empathy.

Also, Ethan is telling Jack to stop being angry, which I imagine is hard to do when you’re still living with the person who thinks you’re a stain on the family’s good name. Ethan, go home.

At the girls’ slumber party, Andie is getting ready for bed and Joey confides in Jen that Pacey kissed her. Jen’s like, well, I saw that coming a mile away. She thinks Joey has feelings for Pacey because she clearly does.

Jack goes downstairs to talk to his dad, who is attending to business matters the old school way: out of a briefcase, with a pen and calculator. He may be a hot shot, but he’s also a dinosaur.

lap...top? Com...puter?

Lap…top? Com…puter?

Jack wants to know why the 360 all of a sudden with wanting to spend time with him (Even though he tried to send Ethan home initially). His dad says his colleague has a real shitty son who fails out of school and steals things, so Jack being gay isn’t that bad. So they start playing chess.

Everyone leaves the camp site and Buzz is bugging Pacey to buy him snacks. They run into Joey and Pacey bribes Buzz with sugar to leave them alone. He apologizes for kissing her, she says she overreacted and they both are now totally into each other but say they’re just friends. On the way home, Buzz calls Pacey out. I hate that kid, and I hope this is the last we see of him.

Most Verbose Articulation Joey: “Do you have any idea the monumental implications of that meaningless little impulse? The ripple effect it could create in our small but fragile universe?”