THEY PULLED DAWSON’S CREEK (Damn you, Netflix)

obvious

Jenn: So… our one and only way to review this show is gone:

http://www.bustle.com/articles/113321-10-things-i-noticed-when-re-watching-dawsons-creek-pilot-as-an-adult

Like WTF…

We were so close! 1.5 seasons to go! It was a two-year commitment! I feel robbed.

Jen: We were within a dozen episodes of C.J…

Not like this Netflix… Not like this. Why now?

Netflix may keep us apart... But I'll never stop loving you

Netflix may keep us apart…
But I’ll never stop loving you

Anyway, here is a link that I was going to share when I thought we still had a blog: http://www.buzzfeed.com/alannabennett/he-leased-her-a-wall#.eqQXLz0oAL

Jenn: Omg… The Pacey/Joey plot line. And last we saw, he had buggered off to “paradise” on the boat, dropped Joey flat and then somehow within months they became pals with no romantic resentments. And that’s where we end. IT’S NOT RIGHT! (And like so much else, it doesn’t make sense!)

Where and how do we get our Dawson’s Creek now? I mean, without actually having to buy it? (Because let’s be serious, we’re not doing that).

So we’re, like, on hiatus.

Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 3, Episode 21 – Show Me Love

Music montage: Dawson staring at his zany aunt’s painting of him and Joey, Joey staring at a brick wall, Pacey hosing down his boat, “True Love”, Mushroom cut Henry performing a poor man’s Say Anything by holding a sign that says “forgive me” on Jen’s lawn (Jen takes one look and storms inside while Grams gives him the holiest stink-eye I’ve ever seen). Dawson storming past Pacey in the halls at Capeside, Joey awkwardly trying to find a place to sit in the cafeteria (spoiler alert: she sits by herself).

painting

painting

...crap like this is why I spent a lot of my teenage years disappointed in romance?

…crap like this is why I spent a lot of my teenage years disappointed in romance?

nyah nyah

nyah nyah

Joey is staring at the brick wall when Dawson comes outside to tell her that he wants her in his life. She says she just wants to paint her wall and he says it is an open invitation.

Cue the credits.

It is the Capeside Regatta 2000! Mamma and Daddy Dawson are discussing the boat race. They had sponsored Pacey in the Regatta, and Momma still wants the publicity, despite baby Dawson’s tantrums.

Do you? Really?

Do you? Really?

Dawson takes the flag to Pacey and they act like dicks to each other.

Joey is arguing with her sister because she doesn’t want to make the Regatta people pancakes because it is “humiliating”. Teenagers are weird. Was I that weird? What is embarrassing part of delicious pancakes?

Grams and the kids are making floral bouquets for the winners of the Regatta and all Jen can do is massacre daisies, to find out whether “He loves me.”

Mushroom Cut is still out there with his sign. Grams tells Jen she should forgive him for wanting to get in her pants.

Dawson asks Andie and Jack to borrow their boat so he can race against Pacey and win Joey, and Jack makes this face:

umm no

umm, no

Joey lost (and apparently forgot) the war and is enthusiastically handing is handing out pancakes, and Dawson drops the news that Potter B & B is his sponsor for the sailboat race. WELL THAT COULD BE AWKWARD.

Andie is holed up in her room with her multitude of awards. Will comes to tell her that he got some scholarship. Then Andie rants about Pacey, and Will warns her that she is about to become the sort of person he feels sorry for. About to? He must have missed most of this season and show.

Dawson almost kills Jack on the boat. Mitch comes by and drops a bunch of sailing lingo so we understand that Baby D probs isn’t going to drown.

Pacey sees the sign and Joey apologizes. Pacey is pissy and then Joey doesn’t care and just asks him to talk to Dawson.

Henry follows Jen to the restaurant with his sign, and momma Dawson makes her go forgive him because his pathetic behaviour is bad for business.

Henry takes her up to a rose-petal covered roof to further the apology. They make out.

Pacey calls out Dawson on the boardwalk, asking him what he is trying to prove and suggests Dawson just take a swing. They squabble about who has a better chance with Joey.

Morning: Jen comes home and Grams is pissed that Jen was out all night (i.e. Went back to her slut ways).

Momma Dawson and Daddy Dawson squabble about the race and Daddy wonders if they are ever going to start knocking boots again.

Welcome to the Regatta! There’s lots of sailing set to intense metal(?) music.

Pacey in the lead with Dawson at his heels. Then Dawson decides he will not back down, and Pacey swerves to avoid a crash. Dawson is disqualified for his shenanigans and Pacey comes in last.

Joey, Pacey and Dawson yell at each other and Joey storms off.

amateurs

amateurs

Joey cries on the boardwalk. Dawson finds her and has another heart to heart. Joey says all she needs is a friend without an agenda. Dawson agrees so she storms away.

Will is on his way (so soon?), and Pacey tells him not to sleep with his teachers. Will tells him not to give up on true love.

Jen is in her room sulking. Grams comes to her room to give her a dress that she tossed and a lecture on sex and birth control. Jen finally tells her that they didn’t have sex, and Grams is like super happy.

WHEN I GROW UP

WHEN I GROW UP

There is a GARBAGE poster behind her. Remember Garbage?

Also, there was a Paula Cole poster. Very meta.

Mamma Dawson is having a seduction party for Dadda Dawson in the restaurant. She says he is more important than business and I take it that is a big deal because they start sucking face.

Joey is back at the ole staring wall and Pacey approaches. They squabble over her loving Dawson and not him. Then he walks away and says he will renew the lease on her wall, and that he understands.

Then he goes back to his boat and wrenches the words True Love off it and throws it into the drink. Pacey, this is exactly what Will just warned you about.

Andie fishes “True Love” out of the water and now she wants to have a heart-to-heart about her not hating him.

Joey comes in through the window and wants to watch ET with Dawson. Because the most comforting words she can hear right now is “I’ll be right here.”

MVA: Defs “You gotta regatta”

Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 3, Episode 1 –Like a virgin

Fade to bus driving in the dark to rock music. Dawson is fast asleep on some biker’s shoulder. He wakes up and now he is staring at JESSICA WAKEFIELD. She tells him he drools and is a heavy breather. It’s like they’re dating already. He’s watching Risky Business and they start flirting…and seal the deal with a handshake.

does this bus stop at sweet valley high

does this bus stop at sweet valley high

OMG YES NEW CREDITS Jen looks like a headcase and Jack looks pensive and Andie is there and all the kids are groping each other and hanging out on a dock.

new credits

new credits

I'm in the credits now! I have arrived.

I’m in the credits now! I have arrived.

omg me too

omg me too

gang's all here

gang’s all here

I like the music they are using to set the scene in this season. Seems more edgy.

Joey is dressed like a gas station attendant and I think she works at the marina now or something.

Jen’s hair is finally growing out .Too bad about the bad home perm job. She’s eating Eggos with Jack, and Grams is teasing them about being married.

well oiled machine

well oiled machine

Dawson and Pacey trying to sort out what will happen when Dawson and Joey see each other after their big blowout. Dawson hates her now. Pacey says the world has wondered all summer whether they will be on again or off again.

Dawson’s Dad is coaching football now. Yeah, okay.

At the opening assembly, 90s girls ask Jen about her gang bang and she says to them too bad the lipo didn’t take. Joey comes in and Pacey goads Dawson, and Pacey gets shit for talking. He says his name is Che Guevara.

Girls bully each other some more. Jen makes snarky comments, then decides that she will sign up for cheerleading “just to show” those girls. Like I’m buying that excuse.

Since the queen is dead: new bitch in town

Since the queen is dead: new bitch in town

brought my own sidekicks

brought my own sidekicks

Dawson stops dead when he sees Joey and he realized his undying love for her some more and then she gives him the lingering eyes too.

Bess greets Joey and she pumps her for Dawson info and Joey tells her they forgave each other and pulls a bunch of shit out of her ass, and Bess says good because they are meant for each other.

Dawson is at a strip joint where they have bios for the strippers. Forgive my ignorance, but is that like a thing? Pacey orders beer and milk (the latter for our unweaned pal, Dawson). Pacey is excited for Dawson to pop his cherry this year.

Pacey gets root beer and the stripper waitress is none other than Jessica Wakefield from the bus. In a wig, because brunettes with 60s hair are so much sexier than blondes with a pixie cut.

who says blondes have more fun

who says blondes have more fun

Next thing you know it’s the next day(?) and Jess is sitting in Dawson’s living room…maybe he included his home address when he gave her his number? Pacey gives him a pep talk to go bang blondie…bag her in the boat or some shit.

Back at cheerleader tryouts they are bullying this poor girl, and next up is Jen and I’m still not clear on how auditioning is going to damage them. Oh, now I see she is using it so she can make a speech to all the girls at tryouts. Tells them that they don’t want to be like those girls and they are going to be miserable in the future and everyone applauds, even mean girl’s supposed friends.

deep words

deep words

Joey’s boss tries to get a glimpse of the goods.

Dawson and blondie are boating. She wants him to take his shirt off. She spouts some philosophy or something. He asks her why she is hanging out with him, seeing as she is hot and much more interesting than the Capesiders we’ve seen so far. She knows just by looking at him that he is a virgin. They start making out and who is driving the boat? Eve is about to go down on him or something and he crashes the boat into Joey’s new job and sexual harassment guy is like “You know this clown?” and she is like “I thought I did.”

not wearing her lifejacket

not wearing her lifejacket

The little crash up is gonna put Dawson back 3 Gs…which in the 90s coulda bought you like a house or something.

Eve is sitting like her shirt is still on the hanger, and then Eve realizes Dawson is pissed at her for distracting his driving, and she’s pissed and tells him to stop being so cerebral.

Jen is walking down the halls like she is the missing link and everyone is mobbing her, and even the teachers are saying hello to her. Turns out her speech worked and the girls want to make her their new leader.

Joey and Bess are folding laundry and talking more about Dawson and the wild, confident blonde.

Dawson is checking the couch cushions to see if he can find $3000. Eve rings his bell to give him $400 from the stipclub tips. Even the strippers feel bad for Dawson. Dawson won’t take the money and he and Eve argue over whether he should. Pacey is like, don’t take the money, throw a party at your house with teens and strippers to make money. Eve is in, and no way this can go wrong.

Night falls, and they are lined up out the door. Impressive light show at the house.

strobe

strobe

Dawson decides it is an appropriate time to go to sleep now. Joey is sitting in his bedroom, though I would have bet on someone payng for sex, but this is fine too.

She’s all like “I’m prolly the last person you want to see.”

He’s like “No, never.”

She says sorry about her Dad and lashing out at him. He’s mad she never called, and then she asks if he missed her and she totally hurls herself at him and whips off her shirt in a very non-Joey fashion. When she goes to kiss him, he is like “No way. Put your shirt on.” Then they start fighting about Dawson being a virgin, and Joey is like it’s not my fault you are still a virgin, and he’s like I know. I didn’t want to bang you either. He tells her he can’t go through it all again with her.

De-nied

De-nied

Dawson checks out the strip-a-thon downstairs. Oh, look, there’s Jen and Jack. The grand tally is $3162. Then they “open it to the public” whatever that means. Eve wants Dawson to take off with her and trust the rager in Pacey’s capable hands. Dawson tells Pacey that Joey wants him back and now Eve wants him to go play doctor. Age-old dilemma: “Madonna or the Jezebel” (Guess whore wasn’t making it past the censors). He asks Pacey to keep an eye on her for a few days, and we all know how that pans out for him.

Eve wants to take Dawson on another boat ride. This time with her boss’ boat, HOWEVER Dad decides to come home and Dawson starts having a meltdown, and Eve is like, “Oh wellsies. Let’s still go boating.” She poses all sexy for him, and she says “I don’t know who is the bigger mystery, me or you.” (Is there a third option?). Then she boats away.

Joey is crying on her dock and Pacey comes to check on her. Joey is mad because she knows that Dawson blabbed about her attempt. Pacey gives her sage advice and says that they need the time apart anyway. Even though they are right for each other, doesn’t mean they are right for each other right now. He hints that he feels her pain, as he just got the shift from his lady. Then Pacey says they might become friends this year and they have a nice music-filled hug.

bonding

bonding

MVA, Jen: When you see Belinda and her clique in the hallway you’re desperately wishing you were walking with them and thinking that maybe if you were wearing the right shoes sporting the latest hairstyle and using the hottest shade of lip gloss then maybe they would toss a glance in your direction.

Ever wonder why they force their narrow-minded opinions down our throats? lt’s because they have an inkling of what the future has in store for them beyond graduation.

Cut to 25 years from now.

Belinda McGovern wakes up one morning feeling empty.

Maybe it’s because her Dartmouth-educated lawyer-husband Tad has run off to Tijuana with her daughter’s roommate from boarding school.

Or maybe it’s because the twins, Timmy and Tommy call her by her first name and their housekeeper ‘ Mom.

Or maybe it’s Belinda’s daily with her bottle of Prozac.

Her life has become a domestic wasteland.

Avoid this fate.

Don’t let yourself become another cookie-cutter blond size 4, rah-rah, sis-bam-boom, mindless, soulless, spineless wench.

Screw these auditions, screw cheerleading and screw Belinda McGovern.

Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 1, Episode 13 – Decisions

Let me start by saying this blog is messing up my Netflix recommendations. The Vampire Diaries? Dance academy? TWO different versions of 90210? Please.

Dawson is shocked Joey showed up for movie night since she gave him the shaft last time. He says he wasn’t even assed to go rent a movie for her since she said she wasn’t gonna wear lipstick. So she says she will leave, but then he wants to watch TV and make sarcastic remarks (Quit trying to be ME, Dawson). Joey is done with TV and being predictable. Dawson ignores her and flips on the TV (aw, he’s becoming a man before our very eyes). They talk about cliffhangers in a foreshadowing way that makes me scared this is gonna be one. Then I remember that I don’t care what happens to these people and it’s all good.

Credits.

Grams yammering on about old lady stuff to her coma husband. There’s lots of classical music and piano, which makes me think something touching will happen and soon. Jen pokes her head in to say goodbye AND THEN HE SAYS GOODBYE JEN. Piano swells.

They dump him in the hospital again and Jen talks about how awesome that is. Then she asks Dawson to do something to celebrate and he’s like sorry I’m into Joey now.

Enter Joey, who is asking about passports because she has the chance to go to France for a year on an art scholarship in 2 weeks. Dawson doesn’t want her to go. Jen would prefer she did. Surprise.

Image

But…I AM your whole world…

Joey tells sis about it who is like, well, it’s an honour to be asked. Dad will be proud when you tell him. Hold up—Whaaaat? Joey had forgotten they are having a family party for him in prison. But Bess ain’t going because it’s Joey’s turn. Why go together and have moral support, when you could go separately? Joey says our father who art in prison (ZING).

Pacey gets pulled over by the cops (his bro) and is in shit for failing. Bro calls him a joke.

Dawson’s going to prison with Joey. She asks Dawson what he would do if she left, and he says suicide…but surprise, he would choose something something wussy and painless like pills.

The prison looks damp and humourless and boring, and not all what OITNB has led me to expect. Joey missed visiting hours because she turned up after 5, and non 7-11 hours is apparently something she wasn’t prepared for…(Meanwhile, weren’t the malls still closed on Sundays on the ’90s? But prisons should be 24-hour drop in?)

Image

prison yard

So now Joey and Dawson have to wait it out, and are shacked up in a hotel together. The new bed has Dawson all nervous (he also didn’t bring his ET teddy bear, so it’s weird). He stares at Joey’s back and she looks cranky. And he says he would really miss her if she goes to France. And she would miss him, and they talk like a whole bunch about hypothetical feelings.

Jen and Grams are at the hospital, where Grams pats herself on the back for causing his recovery by her prayers.

Back to prison and Dawson wants to leave Joey alone with Daddy dearest, who comes in with some really fancy swoopy bangs. He does not look like a drug dealer.

Image

Fancy Dad swoop bangs

He says, Joey, you are beautiful and she says she is not (in an even meaner way than when she says it to Jen). He is sad and pathetic and she is vicious and this is vey hard to watch. He says he’s lonely and missed his family, and Joey wants to know if he misses her dead mom who he cheated on. She says she is going to France, and takes a powder.

Then dad begs Dawson to tell him about his daughter and Dawson says she is great and smart and beautiful and funny and a scared-y cat and blah and blah and pretty much perfect in every single way. Next, in a totally uncharacteristic move, Dawson changes the subject to himself, and starts talking about how he is a dreamer and needs her, and won’t be able to live without her if she leaves.

Image

THIS is what visiting hours are supposed to look like…less drab more fab.

Joey wants to know what the conversation was and Dawson guilts her for leaving without talking to her father. Joey says she hates him, and is going to Paris so she can think and start over. Dawson is all “wah” and she says give me one good reason to stay and he keeps opening and closing his mouth like a fish.

Back to the hospital. Grams tells Jen Gramps had another stroke and is intensive care. Jen is upset and Grams is like it’s God’s plan so just chill, would ya? Also, throw in a prayer doesn’t change God. Prayer changes me.

Joey is working and Pacey comes in and she says kitchen is closed, but she will microwave him some rat droppings if he wants. He wants to know when he got designated the town loser. Joey is like you are not the town loser. My whole family is the town loser. They play who is the white trashiest for a bit. Then talk about mutual daddy issues. Then she asks Pacey to take her back to jail so she can talk to dada.

Gramps is laying in a different bed than usual at the hospital and this neato thingie goes up and down as he breathes. Jen lays a guilt trip on him for having another stroke when she was so happy that he was getting better.

Back in jail and Joey is still trying to get around visiting hours (for a smart girl she is really having trouble with this concept). Pacey suddenly has enough money for a bribe (20 whole dollars is all a prison guard needs—we need to pay them better) and she is in.

Jen tries to be more Joey like by climbing in Dawson’s window and then putting herself down and then asking to sleep next to him. And he says yep.

Jen sobs in Dawson’s arms as Sarah McLachlan sings Angel in the background. I am in 90s teen girl heaven.

Joey talks to Dad through the fence. She tells him he messed up by not knowing her. And that she turned out pretty good.

Image

Love through a fence

And she just wants to know if he loves her. He says yes and cries and says sorry for being a loser. She says she’s 15 years old and all she thinks about all day is how nobody loves her, and he’s like not just me, your friend Dawson loves you. He looks at you the same way your mother used to look at me. And you love him. And I can see Paris just floating away on an ice floe. Dad says go for the gold before the cancer gets him too and I hear Sarah McLaughlin again. Joey and Dad say they love each other. She holds his hand through fence.

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Last one, I swear (Is it June 6 yet?)

Jen and Dawson wake up and Jen says thanks, and makes her move.

Image

Not what it looks like

Just then Joey climbs in the window. Then she takes off. Dawson screams her name through the window. Then Dawson goes to chase her because she got the wrong idea, and Jen is like no she doesn’t and he is like later.

Image

Seriously you guys

Jen goes home and Grams says no change, and please can’t you just come to church with me. She leaves and Jen looks at their wedding photo and crawls into bed clutching it.

Dawson looks everywhere for Joey except for the bridge she is sitting on until after she left I guess.

Jen answers the phone to find out Gramps kicked the bucket.

Joey walks around all over to some music. They do one of those roundabout pans around Dawson that I just love so much

Jen is in a church wearing her grandmother’s sweater. They pray together. Grams cries which makes Jen cry too.

Turns out Joey is hiding in Dawson’s closet (They are always in the last place you look). He tries to explain, and she is like who cares.

Joey says she was there to tell him she is moving on. He wants to know if she is going to France, and she talks about the cliffhanger, and says she’s leaving to grow up and Dawson wants to grow up too, but safe in his parents’ home. And they talk a lot, but the only thing that is really happening is they are about to kiss. Joey cries and no kiss. But Dawson is like too much crying not enough kissing, and makes out with her before she hops out the window.

Image

They kiss (and no one even dared them)

HUGE backlit makeout session.

Image

ARTSY make-out shot

Fade. to. Black.

MVA, Joey: Yeah, but just like in our own lives, they are so predictable. I mean, the producers put the characters in some contrived situation, hoping that the audience will think something is going to change. But you know what? It never does. It’s back to the same way it was before your so called cliffhanger. It’s boring, Dawson

LVA, Dawson: “Even Spielberg outgrew his Peter Pan syndrome” Yeah, we know Joey said that a dozen episodes ago, dum-dum.

Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 1, Episode 5 – Hurricane

Joey and Dawson are watching Twister. The real wind blows Dawson’s favourite jerk-off pic of Steven Spielberg over, and Spielberg takes out a dino on his way to the floor.

Dawson's stuff. Also, what's with the creepy baby head?

Dawson’s stuff. Also, what’s with the creepy baby head?

Switch to weather update on Hurricane Chris. Then to Dawson’s Mom automatoning the lines: Tomorrow would be a good day to stay in bed. Obvs Bob agrees and Dawson freaks out at his mom skanking it up in front of the viewing audience, and then talks about his feelings. When he’s finished his speech about his sadness, he sends Joey away — down a second-story ladder in the middle of the hurricane.

In case you are no good at pathetic fallacy, Joey spells it out for you before she falls to her death: YOUR LIFE IS A HURRICANE, DAWSON!

Meanwhile, I just switched to Netflix and this other song changes everything. I miss the old soothing melody and lyrics that had nothing to do with the show (unlike every other song that they choose to reiterate exactly what is happening).

Okay, let’s all pull our fingers out of our ears and stop scream-singing Paula Cole at the top of our lungs.

AND cue the windy b-roll of everyone battening down the hatches set to “It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)” by REM. See. Told ya. Music around here = not subtle.

it is windy

it is windy

Mom’s mad that Bob gets to cover Hurricane Chris. She discusses her obvious penis envy with Mr. Man Meat. Mom and Dad make out, and then Dad goes to check on Jen and Grandma. Dawson drops not-so subtle hints:

Dawson: Got to get ready for Hurricane Bob.
Mom: Hurricane Chris
Dawson: Oh that’s right, Chris is the hurricane. Bob is the anchorman.
Mom: Oh boy…

Cut to Pacey and his brother, Doug. Pacey is pissed that he can’t sleep in and watch his soaps, and is instead stuck slapping up “No swimming” signs on the beach with his bro. Pacey calls his brother gay in six different ways, and Doug says he’s just pretty.

Brotherly love

Brotherly love

Joey’s sis and Brodie debate circumcision. Joey wants them to knock it off so they can all go to Dawson’s.

Pacey turns up on Tamara’s front step. She’s all like: Don’t try to kiss me in front of your cop brother, so I don’t get arrested and posted on the sexual offenders list. Pacey’s all: I don’t understand…

Doug flirts with Tamara in front of Pacey, who gets pissed off.

hot for teacher

hot for teacher

Grams and Jen come over to Dawson’s to hang out for the hurricane, while Grams insists that if the Lord wants to take her, then fine. Jen says that the Lord sent a fax about the Armageddon or something (first VHS tapes and now this? Eff this piece of shit show for making me feel so old).

Umm, sorry, what about Grandpa? I guess no one gives a damn if the house blows off to Oz with the coma patient in it.

Jen gets the shaft from Dawson (or more accuratley tries for it and doesn’t). Dawson immediately puts my mind to ease by mentioning he is sorry that Gramps is back in the hospital. Jen is like: no worries, it was way too complicated to plot this episode if he was still at home, so we just dumped him for the day and ran.

Jen gets blown off

Jen gets blown off

Gang is all here. Joey, Bess and her black boyfriend, Grams, Dawson, Jen, Mr Man Meat and Momma Harlot are all stuck in the house together.

Mom decides that rather than host the five people she has over, she’d prefer to have phone sex with Bob, and Dawson wrecks her game. He makes a serious face and references the scarlet letter. Mom looks wide-eyed.

After what would have been the commercial break, she chases Dawson and tries to explain that she loves Dad even though she’s boinking Bob. Dawson lets her know she’s a dumb bitch by correcting her grammar (Bob and me, not Bob and I. Maybe if you spent less time with this guy’s dick in your mouth and more time with the MLA handbook you would know this shit, mom). Dawson reminds her that he is her teenage son, and this isn’t really a discussion she should be having with him.

Dawson forgets that he is freezing Jen out and rants to her about it. She thinks he should lighten up. Then he’s like no wonder you would stand up for her since you are such a hoebag. Jen’s all, oh no you didn’t and she storms off.

Joey develops a sudden dust allergy and sneezes from the closet. She tries to pretend she was reminiscing about their childhood in there, and not being a creeper. She says she wishes they were kids, and Dawson doesn’t agree. Dawson won’t absorb her words of wisdom so she gets pissed and tells him it’s better to have a skank-mom than no mom. Then Dawson thinks, damn, I am a bastard.

Now the whole gang is watching Mom’s fuck-buddy report on the hurricane from the middle of a marsh. Dad says he hopes Bob is okay and everyone thinks poor Dad is such a saint.

Mom dumps her problems on Joey… because who better to confide in than the teenager who has been pissed off at you for the last several episodes? And Joey disses Dawson for being selfish to his mother.

Routine bonding

Routine bonding

Back to Tamara, Pacey, and Doug at her house. Doug goes to check on a crash outside and Pacey tells Tamara that Doug is gay (apparently he forgets how taken she was with Mr. Gold). Then he tries to get some action, and they both end up on the floor.

just pall in' around

just pall in’ around

Back to Mom, who decides she should tell her husband about the affair in front of their teenage son. Dafuq is wrong with this family? Has anyone heard of boundaries? Mom talks about how she wishes she were Dianne Sawyer, and failing that she’d like her own talk show?? Then she says she belongs on Springer (or whatever show they paraded the lowlives on in the 90s? Ricki Lake?) and tells him she has been screwing around and won’t bother asking for an apology because she knows she’s a bitch.

THUNDER! LIGHTNING! The power goes out.

I hate these no lights scenes. They are so disorienting.

Mitch starts throwing shit, and then tells her not to cry.

YOU DON'T GET TO CRY

YOU DON’T GET TO CRY

Grams comes in to see if he’s beating her to death.

Back to Pacey’s brother insulting Pacey. Tamara brings in board games, and Doug wants to play the “If game” which is just asking stupid questions such as: “If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?”

Brodie is still talking about circumcising the baby and Grams seizes the opportunity to be racist and hate on them for being both young and unmarried.

Joey and Jen bond on the porch over discussing what a big dick Dawson is (and has). Actually.

Grams tells Dawson to stop crying about slut mom and forgive her sins. And she says as far as she can tell, his life is gonna suck so he should get used to it.

Doug asks Tamara out and she says yes. Then she gets confused when he calls it a date because she believed Pacey that Doug was gay. Tamara says it was her gay-dar, and Doug puts a gun to Pacey’s head.

He does this kind of stuff all the time.

He does this kind of stuff all the time.

Mom goes to see Dad in the car and she is not exactly looking her best.

Dad tells her how he fell for her– love at first sight (and it was a choice? Okaaaay…) after lulling her into a false sense of security, he says he hates her as completely and as quickly as he fell for her. He kicks her out and drives away.

I choose to hate you now

I choose to hate you now

Storm’s over. People are cleaning up. Notice that someone decided to brave the hurricane to spray paint anti-hurricane messages on the store fronts.

least creative graffiti ever

least creative graffiti ever

Doug still thinks Tamara will still go out with him after the gun fiasco, but she says no dice, she’s boinking someone else (Your kid brother! Surpriiise!)

Jen cries and tells Dawson she was “sexualized way too young,” i.e. lost her virginity at 12 when some dude got her drunk and took advantage. Then she turned into a big drunk, slutty mess, and daddy caught her doing some guy in his bed. But she’s not like that anymore. Dawson says the fight was his fault. Well, actually it was his parents’ fault for always making him watch all the time. He apologizes for being a douche and they hug and make up. Dawson says “Take two” and Jen eats that shit up.

Pacey doubles back for a little sex with teacher. SAME OLD SAME OLD she resists and then gives in.

Dad comes home. There are branches all over the road and distracting straw or something all over the shot of mom on the porch.

wtf is all this? straw?

wtf is all this? straw?

Dad sits in front of her. Asks why she did it. She says, “No reason, really…” My life was too perfect.

She says sorry and he tells her to shut it. They sit together in silence.

Joey is sitting on Dawson’s desk (with her shoes on). Dawson apologizes for not thinking his mom was perfect around someone who doesn’t have one. Joey apologizes for “using the mother card”

They go play Jaws in the closet (nope, not a metaphor for something interesting).

Most Verbose Articulation goes to Dawson: Understand what? The complicated mind of an adulteress? Do you have some new Earth-shattering rationale on why you’re breaking the sacred vows of marriage? It’s pretty straight forward, isn’t it? …What? Mom, go for it. Explain. Purge. But purge the right person. I’m the son. There’s a whole missing element here, I think it’s downstairs, and it has a name. Husband, spouse, mate, better half. Any of those ring a bell?

Runner up goes to Dawson (he is still going): Is the proposition of monogomy such a Jurassic notion? I mean, is it no longer reasonable to think that two people can be enough for each other their entire lives? Maybe it’s chemical. Maybe it’s some kind of hormonal imbalance that causes one to fornicate with their coworkers. Maybe it’s not just Bob. Maybe it includes the whole 6 and 11 Action News team.

-Jen

Dawson’s Creek Opening: Netflix Version

Video

Before we get started, here’s an interesting piece of Dawson’s Creek news for the internet era: Why on Netflix is the theme song not I Don’t Want To Wait?

Well, here’s your answer:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/18/dawsons-creek-theme-song-netflix_n_1683506.html

If you’re going to watch along with us via Netflix, you’re not going to hear the iconic Paula Cole song. You’re going to hear a Jann Arden song you’ve never heard before. You’ll either love it or hate it, depending on how much of a nerd you are for Dawson’s Creek. For the record, it makes me grumpy. I’m a nerd and I’m resistant to change.

We launch reviews January 28th. First up, Jen takes on the pilot.

Till then,
Jenn.