Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 5, Episode 14 – Guerilla Filmmaking

Let’s DO this.

Will AmPrime have the original song? Oh, I’m tingling in anticipation.

Opening scene, Audrey and Oliver enter a room and she pours him a shot of something while telling him he’s nooooo good. Then he makes a blonde joke and he tells her he’s the boy who will rip her soul apart and they furiously make out.

Then turns out it’s just a script and the dialogue is too stupid, even for Audrey, who cuts the scene. But she says the problem with the “feeble writing” isn’t how corny it is, but rather is her character showing too much interest because then he’ll lose interest in her. Oh no, the guy who says things about tearing souls apart will lose interest… shucks… Oliver is affronted.

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Ow, my soul!

Dawson tells Audrey she has to, no joke, “penetrate the subtext,” which is that he knows that she knows that he knows, something, something, who cares. Jen is shouting into a megaphone and Pacey is doing sound or something and apparently flailing around about it. This is taking place at a film school in Boston and they need these jokers for this shitty movie.

The Jann Arden song plays. Goddamnit.

In Joey’s writing class with the pervy prof, he’s talking about life’s intensity and how it relates to writing, head versus heart, conflict, etc. He asks for examples and Joey’s like, I have one, it’s about a guy. And dude’s like, isn’t it always? Then a bell rings from some tower and that signals the end of that discussion. TV writers never seem to be able to end a class normally where the teacher or prof has actually kept track of time. They’re always starting new conversations immediately before the bell rings. Prof’s like, oh nuts, really wanted to hear where that was going. Oh well!

After class, Joey’s like, we need to talk, that was awkward. Yeah, maybe because you brought up your love life in class with the professor you’re canoodling with. He deflects with self-depreciation and apologies before telling her to say what she’s gonna say and then she stares at him and is like, n’ah, I’m cold, laters.

Back at the restaurant, Audrey pops in on her day off, as people are wont to do, and there’s Pacey cooking himself an omelette. She’s like, you slept here, didn’t you? Pacey is sleeping in a restaurant? Audrey is giving him flack for not helping her learn her lines for Dawson’s crappy movie. Pacey’s says it’s not a good time and then some chick comes into the kitchen, kisses his neck and asks what’s for breakfast. So he’s sleeping at the restaurant and having one-night stands there too? Maybe I’m not an adventurous 20-something anymore, but where the hell did they sleep? Pacey introduces her as his good friend Gina and she’s like, uh, excuse me? It’s Rina.

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I slept on a filthy floor for you.

And she’s out of the Dawson’s Creek universe in a huff, but not before she can call him Stacey.

At the frat, Jack walks in all sheepish and gets a mild greeting and the brothers all finalize kegger plans and leave. One guy named Eric stays behind and Jack says he doesn’t know how to be around the other guys anymore because he feels like an idiot. Probably doesn’t help that he is an idiot.

At Grams’, Dawson is editing the movie and Jen pops upstairs with a hot drink. He’s stressing because the ending doesn’t work and their rentals are almost up and they have 12 hours to re-write and shoot the whole thing over. Oh, and Oliver sucks at acting. Dawson cues up a scene where Oliver kisses Audrey and pokes her in the nose instead.

Then Oliver turns up and Dawson tells him to have a seat, all grave and stuff, and I’m wondering if he’s gonna tell the guy that he blows. And he does! Diplomatically. And Oliver takes it amazingly well. Too well. Weirdly well. So they talk about recasting it to finish it in 12 hours. Is this the shortest movie ever? Is he in one scene? I don’t understand this.

They’re like, how do we find a sexy, soulless guy in six hours? Jen says she used to date someone like that. Then they want to find him and Jen’s like, no, you wouldn’t make me do that, would you? And now it depends if this mystery loser is free to spend the next half a day, starting immediately, to act in this crappy movie.

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Oh, this guy.

It’s Charlie. Jen says she needs a favour. He’s all, why would I wanna do you a favour? And Jen says he would need to make out with a really hot girl and so Charlie’s on board. Charlie’s a simple man of simple tastes.

At the dorm, Joey storms in saying, “He’s unbelievable!” And Audrey’s like, yeah, I know, he forgot her first name! Joey’s like, what? Audrey’s all, huh? Does Audrey think Joey was talking about Pacey for some reason, before even being told about Pacey? Cough *feeble writing* Cough.

Joey complains about her prof and how he was her mentor and friend and now it’s not like that anymore, and Audrey was right about it being a crush, and Audrey says, yeah, you’re a babbling idiot about him. But also it’s super okay to be in this situation because you feel ALIVE! Let’s hope she never befriends anyone with a tendency towards manic episodes. That is literally the worst advice.

At the frat, Jack talks to Eric, who has stayed behind. Jack’s rooting through the beer fridge and Eric asks if it’s not a little early to drink. Jack suggests some hanging out rather than the studying they both need to do.

At Grams’, Jen is doing a script read-through with Charlie, and she’s racing through it as quickly as possible. And they decide to go with him as the new lead because why not. Dawson says they need to re-write the ending, which I guess he didn’t mention until now, because it doesn’t make sense. The ending is she breaks up with him and breaks his heart and he blows her away– poetic justice. Dawson said he thought it was brilliant but now it doesn’t really work.

OKAY SRSLY? A perfect ending because it’s poetic justice? Gun violence against women? And the ending now just “doesn’t make sense.” Oh, it makes sense, you know, because it happens all the fucking time. It’s just not poetic justice– okay, I have to keep going. But the writers of this show have some fucking issues with women.

Back at the frat, Jack and the brother are laughing at the guys who go out looking for women who want to watch Notting Hill, a movie Jack likes but Eric doesn’t. Then Jack lays down on the floor and dude follows him. And since this is not a subtle show, I think someone’s gonna make a move.

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But WHO?

He asks Jack, “When did you realize you were gay?” And so obviously he is gay. Again, this show just sort of slaps you in the face with subtext about as frequently as they use the word subtext. He rolls over to Jack, gets closer and says “You’re the kind of guy I want to be.” And Jack gets all awkward and sits up and changes the subject, which is probably the shittiest way for an openly gay man to handle a closeted man’s attempt to come out to him. Like, wtf, Jack? He’s sort of a black hole when it comes to support. He’ll suck it all in and demand more, but he’s got nothing to give.

Dude gets up to go and Jack’s like, no, don’t go (mixed messages, buddy). But go he does because the one person he thought he could talk to has an EQ of about 4.

Outside the prof’s house, Joey is pacing and acting out what she’s going to say to him, which is something no one would ever do in real life. Prof watches her from his window and puts an end to the foolishness by opening the door and calling her out.

She says she’s sorry he kissed her, and he’s sorry too but she doesn’t want an apology. She says she’s going to walk over to him and shake his hand all manly and such and then leave. He asks about the class and she says she’ll drop it. No great loss, he says. Ooh, ouch. She says, screw you, and he’s like, no, I mean, you’ll do fine without it.

Yeah, okay buddy, like anyone would ever take it that way. Then as she feels embarrassed for misunderstanding him, he gives her this smug smirk. Yeah, he knows what he’s doing. He goes on about her talents and instincts.

I’d like to point out that throughout this series there was a time she was into art (remember that?) but there’s never been this narrative of Joey, the great writer. Joey the big asshole, the hard-working student, the petty cynic, sure. Dawson, for all his nonsense, has been working on his craft for years. Joey is now suddenly this amazing writer now? All those years of sulking must have really paid off. Now she’s saying she doesn’t want to leave. Flattery will get him everywhere.

At the dorm, Pacey is helping Audrey with her lines and she’s psyching herself up. I’ve never heard her mention a single class, but this movie is getting all of her attention.

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Let’s do this!

Audrey leaps into character, straddles Pacey, calls him “Gage” (Oh, isn’t that terrific) and they start going at it. then they abruptly stop because it’s “wrong.” Because he’s Joey’s ex? With how much everybody is pretending that relationship never happened by literally never mentioning it ever, one might be forgiven for thinking they’re being wieners about this. Even though Audrey sucks. Even though he’s apparently homeless and could do better than this hot mess.

On the set, Audrey and Charlie are making out and Audrey calls cut because Charlie’s kissing technique is choking her with tongue. They keep trying to get through the scene, but Charlie’s struggling. Probably because he’s only been given a couple hours to prepare. Everyone’s getting annoyed. They muddle through and Dawson calls cut and Audrey says it’s too intense with Pacey right there being the boom operator.

In the prof’s house, because Joey never left, they’re being sarcastic about how “comfortable” they’re feeling. As they converse I’m getting uncomfortable with how little chemistry they have. She wants to talk about the class topic of heart versus head and desires and shit and openly leans in for a kiss right after he says he doesn’t want to get fired. Before they kiss, her phone vibrates. She answers the call, says she’ll be right there and leaves. Now, who could have called? I’m gonna guess… Audrey.

But then as quickly as she left, she bursts back in, plants one on her professor and sails back out the door.

At the frat, two guys enter Jack’s room and tell him Eric says Jack just tried to kiss him. Jack is over being in the frat at that point. He denies it, points out it makes no sense that in an effort to smooth things over at the house he would try to kiss an unsuspecting straight man, and that he’s done and moving out.

Wow, Eric realllly wants Jack out of the house after that last encounter. Also, Eric is also a shithead.

At the set, Pacey is telling Dawson he thinks he knows why his ingenue is so exasperated. Dawson tells him he’s an idiot for getting involved with an actress. Charlie moseys over with questions about his character and Jen lunges at him from out of nowhere and threatens to slap the silly out of him. What the hell is this?

Then Joey shows up for no reason. Why is she there? Oh yes, the phone call probably. Yes, Audrey has locked herself in the bathroom because that is what you do on a low-budget film when the equipment has to be returned in like five minutes.

Dawson, meanwhile, sends Jen home because her assaulting the cast is not going to help him meet his goals.

While en route to the bathroom with Pacey, Joey asks if anything has happened with her and he’s like, uh NO! And she calls him an idiot because wouldn’t it be better that he get involved with someone awesome like Audrey than some ditz? Wow. So many layers to how ridiculous that statement is.

They enter the bathroom and Audrey is sobbing about having betrayed Joey, but she’s all, n’ah, don’t give a shit. Here’s my blessing, now go bone.

The fact that there was zero fallout after this breakup is the laziest TV writing failure ever. The relationship tore friends apart and was this big love story and then boom, over, and… it’s all good because who wants to dwell on human emotion.

Calling the Fonz for a surfboard.

As Jack is leaving the frat, he sees Eric and tells him he thinks he needs help and he hopes he finds it. Then out the door he goes.

Joey’s walking through the set outdoors, it’s night, and before she goes, Dawson wants to talk about his hesitance over the ending. Apparently him killing her or the happy ending are his only two options and he doesn’t have the childish corniness inside of himself to go with the happy ending.

Or, you know, they could just break up without a woman being shot to death by a jilted lover.

Then they don’t talk about how messed up the ending is and instead talk about signs? Waiting for signs? And Joey’s like didn’t you think me being here was your sign?

What?

Then she walks away and turns around and is like, everyone will be okay, all of us.

What?

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My thoughts exactly, Dawson.

She leaves, having done nothing in that conversation but say cryptic things in an effort to sound deep.

Jen, meanwhile, runs into Jack. He is bummed out and lights a cigarette, and she pulls his out of his mouth. They talk about Notting Hill. Jen likes the movie. Ah yes, the Notting Hill friendship test.

At the set, Dawson has a burst of inspiration, and tells Audrey to forget about chunks of the script and to be vulnerable. Then he whispers something in her ear, which surprises her. He then announces to the crew they’ll do the scene in just one shot.

Dawson sits in the director’s chair, giggling.

So, Charlie shows up with the gun, Audrey doesn’t let him get a word in, says some shit, then it starts to snow and they walk off into the distance. And this is Dawson’s happy ending. A woman is now still with a man who bought a gun with the intent to kill her, and she doesn’t know the danger she’s in.

After the shoot, Pacey and Audrey are walking home and Audrey is telling Pacey he’s not her type and then kisses him. They banter a bit and I can’t pay attention because I’m overwhelmed by how bad a match this is. They have nothing in common. This show just throws people together to see what sticks.

At a bus stop, Joey is walking by alone and bends over and picks up a perfectly formed snowball. Her hands were slightly off camera, but there’s no way she formed it herself in that microsecond. Then she pretends to be a baseball pitcher.

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I’ve never shown interest in any sport before right now.

She throws the ball awkwardly at a sign (Ooh, a SIGN. Get it?), hits it, says, “And the crowd goes wild!” and saunters off down the empty street. Geez, Boston sure is dead in the evening.

The end.

MVA: Pacey: I might be mildly culpable for her exasperation.

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Dawson’s Creek Revisited: Season 5, Episode 13 – Something Wilder

Jen is leading Dawson through Gram’s house and she’s covering his eyes and walking behind him, which beats him wearing a blindfold because this way she can push him right into a doorframe.

She sits Dawson down and is like, “Surprise!” and because she doesn’t get how surprises work, there’s nothing in front of him. She hands out back to school items befitting an elementary school student: binder paper, pencils, sharpener, eraser and… an ET Trapper Keeper. I’ll remind you all the year is 2002. Laptops have become affordable and ET is 20 years old. Where in the hell did she even locate an ET Trapper Keeper? That looks like someone glued a picture of ET on a binder.

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The props department have really outdone themselves this time.

Jen is all condescending and shit about Dawson going to college, and he asks her when her radio show is and she looks at the clock like, oh… yeah, it’s soon! She’s been on the job all of five minutes. Get your act together and go to work.

They make a lunch date and start kissing like they don’t live together and see each other every single day and Jen doesn’t throw out his toothbrushes. As he leaves, she’s all cutsey, “Don’t forget your Trapper Keeper!” Seriously, making him take that shit with him. Then it’s, “Have a nice day, sweetheart!” in the tone of voice I use with my 4-year-old. As he leaves she whisper-giggles “So cute!” to herself. Fucking hell, lady, is infantilizing your boyfriend sexy? Gross.

Skipping Jann Arden. Why oh why can’t I at least have the original theme?

In Joey’s dorm room, Elliott is giving her shit for liking the professor’s trashy book because she finds him attractive and Joey’s rolling her eyes. Elliott asks her out in very awkward fashion. He’s good looking, but he’s got a pretty girl in glasses thing happening where we’re supposed to believe he’s not hot because of his dorky hair or outfit or something.

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I’m a loser, baby, so why don’t you date me?

Joey accepts and Audrey walks in on them and makes everyone uncomfortable by demanding to know if everyone is naked while dramatically averting her eyes. She then zeroes in on Elliott and calls him out for using hair products and he promptly leaves ’cause Audrey is a dick and no one likes her. She’s seriously worse than Andie.

She then taunts Joey who threatens to bite her. Joey could say something about not being rude to her guests, but is friendly and leaves. Audrey lays down on Joey’s bed with her shoes on like some sort of animal.

At the frat house, Jen walks in and all we get is a view of her legs as we see boys turn their heads and whistle. Have these gentlemen never seen a woman before or…? Jen asks Jack what their damage is. Jack is like, they’re looking at you. Okay then.

She’s there to deliver mail (There’s certainly a lot of it) and points his attention to a letter from the school that has put him on academic probation. Because she reads his mail. Federal offence! Jack’s all BFD, I failed a few classes. Jen gives him shit but he’s not having it and she leaves.

We get a bunch of flashy shots of the school Dawson’s at, and he shows up wearing one of those sheepskin coats that were so popular back then. When he goes inside, some loud dude calls him out.

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Remember me? (Nope.)

It’s Oliver (apparently) and Dawson doesn’t look jazzed to see him. Oliver starts walking Dawson around talking about people loudly right in front of them and everybody obviously hates this guy. After he insults his third victim, Dawson’s all fuck this, I’ll introduce myself before you ruin my life.

At the radio station, Audrey is calling Jen asking inane questions about boys taking phone numbers and why is a booty call called a booty call? Jen tells her she doesn’t have to use her full name every time she calls. I bet she calls all the time. Pain in the ass.

But Jen doesn’t want to talk about her situation; she tells Audrey instead that she’s “lost the love” and starts talking about negative energy and while doing so is arranging tiny red bears and flowers around her work station like some hippy.

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You used to be cool, man. Where’s the love, man?

At the frat, Jack is looking for teammates for a game, but gets in shit from a senior brother for being on academic probation because freshman failing out makes the frat look bad. Dude suggests Jack study instead of play and Jacks all petulant, “I don’t see you studying!” Counter: “That’s because I’m not on academic probation.” Burn.

The look on Jack’s face, tho.

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Study?! How DARE you!

Legit looks confused here, and mad, like he just found a turd in his shoe: “But why? Who would do this? How could they?! I don’t get it!” Only his confusion is about why he should study and not fail his university classes. We all face our own battles, buddy.

During a film screening (Is this a class?) Oliver plops a screenplay as thick as Gone With The Wind on top of Dawson’s lap and says he wants him to direct it, so why he’s in film school I do not know. Then he compliments the ET Trapper Keeper and who knows if he’s sincere or not because he’s just that kind of guy.

At Joey’s school, Elliott leaps behind her, demanding to know her thoughts about Indian food for their date Friday. Joey thinks he’s weird, probably because he’s acting weird.  The professor shows up and tells them they’re late for his class when he is obviously also late. Elliott flees.

Prof thanks Joey for some work she did and says he’s taking her out Friday. She immediately accepts despite just confirming her date plans with Elliott. If this is written as forgetfulness, I just can’t.

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A jerk, or just bad writing? Could really go either way.

And immediately: she forgot. I’m gonna go back and count the seconds since Elliott brought up the Friday night date and this new Friday night offer.

Literally 50 seconds. The most organized person on the show with the best memory for holding grudges can’t remember this information for less than a minute. Seems legit.

Commercial break

At Grams’ house, Jen is washing the dishes and Dawson is staring at the script and it’s been a week. He’s read it, he likes it, has idea to improve it but doesn’t wanna direct it because it’s not his own work. The fact Oliver is a douche doesn’t seem to come into it. He says he doesn’t want to commit to a film right now, which considering he just started school is maybe wise.

But Jen don’t care none. She thinks he should do it. She leaves because her producer wants to talk to her. Maybe because she’s doing a shitty job. That’s why I’d want to talk to her.

Back at Joey’s dorm, Audrey has brought in Pacey to help with Joey’s two-date problem. So… it’s been a week. Has she been sitting on this problem all this time? And is her most recent ex-boyfriend who she lost her virginity to, and who effectively dumped her via public humiliation at prom really the best person to ask? Like… it happened half a year ago at best. He’d be dead to me.

Anyway, Audrey thinks the group outing with the professor could end up like a date with the two of them wrapped up together “like squid.” This woman is a vulgar mess. That is the nastiest way to describe anything. She says bedding the professor would be just fine. Pacey’s like, oh yeah, I’ve been there! Yes he has. But they think she should go out with Elliott because Joey doesn’t have any friends and doesn’t do anything.

Then Audrey drops a radioactive awkward bomb on the room and suggests Joey’s not ready for a boyfriend, which Elliott has the potential to be. Pacey backs the fuck up and starts jittering around in the background because he’s the elephant-sized ex in the room.

Joey says she is ready to be with someone new and Pacey rushes Audrey out the door.

At the frat, Jack’s arriving with an A grade on his quiz and his frat brother is happy and apologetic for being hard on him about his probation. And Jack’s a dick about it and isn’t quick to accept his apology. But his brother suggests a party and Jack gets this smug look on his face and is happy.

In Dawson’s class, people are looking at the ET Trapper Keeper and he’s like, “It was a gift.” He’s actually using the damn thing. Damn. Oliver approaches Dawson with a preliminary shooting schedule and Dawson says he’s can’t do it; it’s complicated. He does offer a note, though, and now Oliver wants more notes, and wants to do them over lunch. Dawson says he has lunch plans with Jen, but Oliver says “bring your notes,” and Dawson says okay. So, is Jen coming or is he cancelling? The suspense!

At the restaurant where Pacey still works even though he quit, Jen is in the kitchen, eating garnish and lamenting the fact her producer thinks she sucks. Now that she’s happy, she’s lost her edge. Pacey offers such gems as “everybody hates happy people,” and, “I like to get my advice from people more dysfunctional than I am so I can feel better about my life.”

She wants Pacey to make her mad, but she gets a phone call. It’s Dawson. She calls him her little pumpkin. Barf. Also? That’s what I call my son. Chick’s got parent issues. Buying her boyfriend childish school supplies, calling him little pumpkin.

At Joey’s dorm, she picks up the phone and there’s a knock at the door. It’s Elliott, wanting to know if they can meet at 7:00. Joey then starts to break their plans and– wait for it– says she’s coming down with something. And she looks and sounds perfectly fine and will be out in town all night and almost certainly will get busted and this is so cliche I’m fucking dead.

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Are you buying this shit?

Elliott doesn’t at all look like he believes her, but takes the explanation and walks away sadly. Joey lays down and feels bad because she’s a shitty TV trope.

Commercial break

Jen’s reading fashion magazines and porn looking for, I don’t know, something to make her angry or edgy and wouldn’t you know it, she’s not finding inspiration this way. Dawson comes home and she’s frustrated he’s made her so happy that she’s become boring and it’s hurting her show. But she’s wrong there. She’s not boring. She’s unbearable.

Dawson asks if Oliver can come to dinner and Jen is excited he might do the movie, but then confused about why he should join them when Dawson says he’s not doing the movie. In the end, Jen okays it and Oliver pops up like an intrusive ass, all “See? I told you it’d be fine!” And now I doubt that.

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Go to your corner, Oliver.

At the bar, Jack is drinking and his frat brother is being friendly but giving him some ribbing about his probation and that senior brother laying into him. Everyone knows because of course they do and Jack is pissy. He seems intent on getting drunk. Somehow he doesn’t understand he’s caused his own problems.

Outside the restaurant, dinner with the prof has ended early. It started at 6:00. So basically, she could have totally made a movie with Elliott. Prof offers to walk her to the dorms and she links arms with him, and that ain’t cool. On the walk back they’re talking about his work and he’s being falsely modest and she’s kissing his ass.

At dinner with Dawson, Oliver and Jen, the guys are discussing the script and Jen’s trying to get a word in ’cause she read it too and Oliver keeps cutting her off even though he’s the one intruding on their plans. Probably this irritation will make for fine radio in the morning.

Back to Joey and the prof, Joey references his wife as the inspiration for the girl in his book, and he’s like what wife? She tells him she recalls he said he had a wife and kid. He then– and this is something else– reveals he sometimes lies to people and says he has a family to get out of things he doesn’t want to do.

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The fuck you just say?

He calls this form of lying “making up characters”. Yes, just like those guys with girlfriends in Canada. They’re not pretend girlfriends; they’re characters. And Joey doesn’t seem to care as much as a normal person would about this, she wants to talk about this girl in his book. Seriously, Joey? Now she’s probing into personal shit, like did he love her? Why did they break up? This is your professor, lady. Boundaries. He says she was crazy. Beware the man who describes his exes that way. He says he was 21 and crazy was good, but now he wants something else. Joey asks what that is. He says coffee, then asks her for coffee, and this is soooo inappropriate and Joey fucking loves it.

Back to Jen and Dawson, Oliver can’t handle any more criticism and leaves in a huff. And Jen is sitting there gobsmacked.

Now the prof is asking Joey about her dating life. I hate this guy. And she wants to know what the point of dating is if you have to put so much effort into something that may not work out. And I’m thinking she must not enjoy sex, making memories or experiencing periods of joy and contentment because that is the stupidest fucking question ever. I mean, why go to an interview if you can’t guarantee the job? Or write a book if you can’t know it’ll get published? Why even have a pet if you’re going to outlive it?

Joey complains that the right guys never make her stomach go flip flop, and I’m thinking her problem is she equates anxiety with love because who the hell wants a flip flopping stomach all day? Sounds like a question for a therapist, Joey.

The prof asks who makes Joey’s stomach flip flop and she replies, “people who shouldn’t.” And they kiss. Saw that coming. They awkwardly break apart and agree to go separate ways back to their homes. She says goodnight and walks away extremely slowly.

At the bar in Pacey’s restaurant, a frat brother talks to Jack about his probation and Jack is grumpy. He thinks the brothers should not worry about how his grades affect the house. But they care a lot. They tell him not to get emotional and say he’s like a chick. Jack throws a chair and gets in the guy’s face. The brother says Jack was supposed to help clean up their image but is actually a disappointment. Jack socks him in the face.

A fight ensues and Pacey is holding Jack back, and Jack smashes a bunch of glasses and cuts his hand and the brothers leave.

Commercial break

Joey arrives back at the dorm to a gift basket with Vicks products and a homemade card outside her door.

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huh.

Well, I’ve been spelling Elliot’s name all wrong this whole time. But that’s IMDB’s fault. One T it is. She looks like she feels pretty shitty. I can’t stop imagining him getting out some magic markers and spending his Friday night drawing this card. Though the video’s a bit fuzzy. That could be construction paper. In which case she’d have no choice but to dump him because the line between cute and weird is a thin one in this boy’s case.

In Jen’s room, Dawson says he’s sorry for how he handled the night before. He then says he thinks he wants to direct the movie after all because even though Oliver is obnoxious, he has a unique voice, and he feels ready for a new challenge.

But Jen doesn’t want to listen to his life plans. She’s pissed because Dawson cancelled their lunch, invited Oliver to dinner which infringed on their personal time, and then allowed him to talk over her all night. She said a sex scene in his script was gratuitous and Oliver just wants to look at tits in the flesh and he should just go get a lap dance.

Dawson immediately apologizes and Jen realizes her ranting powers are back and forgives him.

At Joey’s dorm, Audrey is doing yoga (I never see her doing anything school-related ever) and Joey tells her she kissed the prof and dumped Elliot by returning his gift basket of remedies. That’s cold. (See what I did there? HUH? Swish.)

Joey says she pulled away from the kiss because she got scared, and then went on this weird thought train about her life following her here and she wants to be someone else and I don’t see what any of this has to do with why kissing your prof is bad pancakes.

Audrey gives her a sort of seize the day pep talk, but it sounds like a sleep with the professor pep talk, so fuck you, Audrey. Like, bonus points for the no judgement but literally encouraging this is ridiculous.

At the radio station, Jen is back to herself, but she’s eating Chinese food while dispensing advice and if I had to listen to chewing sounds over the radio, I’d be turning the station so fucking fast.

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Super professional, Jen. Nosh nosh nosh.

At Pacey’s work, Jack shows up with a cheque for the damages he caused. Pacey tells him he could’ve gotten fired. He then tries to talk to him as a friend, relating to him, wanting to talk about how things have been going, bringing up the deteriorating grades and behaviour. Jack cuts him off, “What do you want from me?!” And Pacey’s like, well, you’re flunking, drinking and fighting with guys who left you bleeding in a bar. Jack says he has to go.

Dawson meets with Oliver and admits he’s excited about the script and they talk and Oliver shows some emotional complexity, which is out of nowhere. Dawson agrees to direct the movie and Oliver says he want to play the lead and who knows how that’ll play out. Probably horribly.

The end.

Hopefully another year won’t pass before I do another one.